Recent content by T2L

Wow, such great responses! I haven't had an opportunity to read everything or the links, but I find this area fascinating and not just because it personally impacted me. I'l respond more later once I digest this. I appreciate the responses!

LuckiLee that's a great idea. I wasn't thinking of that at the time I wrote it... Seems now like an obvious thing. Unfortunately due to insurance, I'm not able to see my T today and it had been pushed back to next Monday :(

Thank you guys. My T had to reschedule (was supposed to see her this Friday). Conveniently she had an opening tomorrow. I'm going to try to tell her this.

I wasn't sure if I should post this here or the dysreguation forum. I think this has been building more and more as I resisted caving into the urges to self harm. I've been "surfing the urge" for over a week. Throughout this week I've been all over the place from shutting down to process, to...

I've been reading around here today and this section just makes me wonder... can a medical physical trauma on the body as an infant impact your development and contribute to some kind of PTSD responses? I was very premature, had very invasive surgeries from 2 days old, in the hospital almost...

In my 30s. I've struggled with various types and severity of self harm arriv I was 3. I clearly remember picking my skin/scabs to feel pain. What toddler does that? It's how I learned to cope, unfortunately. I'm not sure if the urges and thoughts will fully go away since they've been my...

That makes sense. I'm also a visual thinker/learner. I never thought of that contributing but i can see how it could.

I'll try to make a long story short. Deep deep down, I never forgot the abuse. I used to be able to avoid and detach on cue, or I'd dissociate (not by choice). I was emotionally numb either as a natural response or using negative coping behaviors/substances to become numb and forget. It's like...

I'm sorry you went through that and are experiencing the confusion of trying to cut that ball and chain. I don't have any answers because I've been contemplating that very thing myself the past two days. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Stephernovas - that's exactly it. I think many truly mean "do you currently have an actionable plan to kill yourself at this exact moment?" You worded it very well... Do I think about it a lot, yes and no.

I often say "I'm fine" or lie and say I'm not thinking of harming myself. I do so because I question where the line is. If I mention to someone how often I want to harm myself, it would be at least once a day. I feel people would get tired of it and eventually think I'm crying wolf if my...

I've been there for many years. It's odd seeing both sides of it though. I'd I tell a friend in an instant you'll get through this, keep going, etc. Yet, at the same time completely understand and sometimes I'm highly contemplating it myself at the exact same time. I've had multiple family...

I think I may understand a bit. Someone else mentioned how it doesn't sound like you're actually grounded, but triggered/dissociated instead. Maybe you need to find another technique that works for you rather than against you? I can't quite figure out why yet but some techniques area highly...

I've done that quite often. It's more concerning when I dissociate while driving and then "wake up" and I'm still driving. I don't necessarily forget during those moments where I'm going, but I forget A Lot of what I'm doing in general. This increases a lot during stress. I've had a bad memory...

I'm struggling with rage as well. I've blocked emotions for so long, I'm just learning to feel. Unfortunately, it all comes in waves of rage at once and floods me. I keep emotions inside and I used to implode and take it out on myself. Right now I'm trying to stop the self-harming behaviors and...