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As others have said, I think you need to acknowledge the thought and then recognize it's based on a child's understanding and not your reality. From a logical sense it just doesn't work. If that's true of your abuser, it's true of everyone who has passed. Can you list out some ways to combat...

Good job. Sounds like you did some really hard and brave work. It also sounds like you have a great T and his crew. I hope this week is easier for you

I will start with the second question. I think you are someone who has been through a lot and I can, unfortunately, relate. My story is very similar. Posting here and working with my therapist taught me I am not a bad person. Porn can tap into a traumatized brain in a very powerful way and it's...

It can be a tough go, but I think it's a great choice. Good luck on your journey.

I agree with Frieda. I'd add that part of it is instinctual. I'm reacting, not thinking. I guess that part is selfish in a way because it has nothing to do with my hubby. Having said that, another part is very intentional to protect him. If I know I'm triggered and projecting things onto him...

It's a good realization. Talking with your therapist about it is an important step. I have no idea if this would be a good idea, but have you thought about talking with your wife about this?

Funny, when I think of how I look the main thing that comes up is "short". Before I transitioned, I avoided looking at pictures of myself or looking in the mirror. I do that now. hmm..

Welcome to the group and sorry you have experience so many difficult things. I can certainly relate. I'm not great at just "letting" myself cry. I do find I've learned to express myself though art and writing. Definitely, before you try to let emotions out, make sure you have a good support...

I am so sorry you went through that. It's so confusing when things happen to us as a child. It changes our perceptions on so many things.

Sometimes pushing through is what needs to be done. I wonder if you can reframe feeling stupid slightly. I'm not suggesting you make the feeling go away, as I doubt that will work. Like, instead of thinking about how you feel stupid, think about as feeling young or scared or that it's an...

I still don't know how I am alive today. I spent so much time wanting to be dead. I was self-destructive, took risks and and engaged in suicidal behaviors. I'm still here. That's not the peace that amazes me though. I have a life I enjoy living now. It's vastly different than I ever imagined. I...

And I am sorry you experience what you did @Movingforward10. That sounds awful.

Thanks for the replies. I am pondering the "Does it matter" piece if my question. And in some ways it doesn't maybe, but knowing can be potentially useful in easing the situation? Hmm... I have this mental timer on this sort of thing. So, it's supposed to bother me for a certain length of...

Since this has come up for me more than once, I figured I'd make a post of it. I have troubles sorting out low mood from tiredness. I'm also not sure if it matters? Wondering if others have similar experiences, thoughts or opinions.

Oof, I am off to work in a few minutes so don't have time to reply. I want to come back to this. Until I have time, I will say it's something I find hard to talk about. For one thing, I feel people don't understand and get anxious talking about it here. The experiences I had weren't rape. I get...

Hi and welcome to the forum. It's hard when we have a history of abuse and bad relationships. It can make our recognition of what is healthy be very distorted. I'm sorry you are going through that.

That guy is a pedophile. Likely, so are the people you are sending nudes too. They don't like you, they are using. They can't give you the validation you need. I get it though. Doing things like that can feel compulsive. It can be such a vicious cycle. You don't feel good about yourself so you...

I get this. I have felt that way. I sometimes just need to retreat and let my feelings settle down and then I can move on. If that's what you want, you may have to enforce that. People don't always understand needing space and they don't always understand that taking space isn't punitive. Ok...

I was very similar too. Don't worry too much about labels or meeting other people's expectations. Try to focus on health and living a good life in whatever form that takes. Also, like Whitehaven, I didn't have intimate relationships until my 40s. And unexpectedly a couple years ago, I found a...

So... I'm not sure I can reply to this in an organized way right now. I think for me, right now, the useful way to think about this is there are things I experience that were like torture. The thing you posted about Sadistic Personality Disorder fits my dad so well it's unsettling. And what...

Thank you all Sigh. She replied to my email and said that family came to town and things got crazy. I guess her schedule was light and she only had myself and 1 other appointment and since it was just those two, she forgot about them? I get the perspective and normally I would agree. I think...

Hi, I am sorry that you are struggling so much. Another thing you can try, depending on where you are, is your local foodbank. They can often connect you with all sorts of services. It's possible to volunteer there and use the food bank (I've done that). And just that can build connections...

I am having a rough day. Will come back and reply more when I have some mental energy. I did send my therapist the email below. I'm kind of stunned. Hi, I am sorry I haven't answered your text about my next appointment. I've been very busy and also thinking. I've been pondering off and on...

Hehe, thank you @Friday and @Freida that was a good reminder. I think I needed that. @kar I am sorry that was your experience. That is hard That's a fair point. It's not so much the money though. I have flex spending I need to use up. It's the time and energy that has been making me not want...

Some background first. I had a therapist that was really great for a lot of years. Then she had all sorts of personal crisis, covid happened and I had changed a lot. She got unreliable in some ways and we had communication issues and it was time to move on. I found a therapist who was ok-ish...