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Part of what keeps me coming back is the idea of having a mother is nice. I see my friends and coworkers calling their mothers and visiting them, shopping together. I wish I had that.

I don't know if I need to tell her for myself. I want to be able to stand up to her, that's my idea. It might backfire.

I'm not a piece of shit. This wave of depression will pass. How I feel will pass. I am a contributing member of society. I do not harm anyone nor myself. I'm not a bad person, no matter what she says. I think it's time I severed all ties with her. Cut her out of my life completely. That is just...

Background: my mother found out my stepfather raped and was molesting me when I was six years old. She initially reported him to the police then recanted her story. He was released from jail with an ankle monitor. She helped him break the ankle monitor and hid him from the law for years until...

I choose to be Catholic. When I was married, my stepdad/husband converted me to Baptist, it was a requirement to be married to him and the only way to go to heaven. After I filed, I asked "what do I believe?" What would have happened if I never met this person. Well, I was born Catholic so I...

Thank you Ladee, I really appreciate you!

Thank you. Spoke with another therapist who said I would benefit from antidepressants. Never been on them and my current therapist does not have the ability to write prescriptions but never mentioned them. Sometimes I feel so lost, I should just throw in the towel. I am too broken. For now I...

I made myself get sick tonight. I feel awful about it. Everything was going so well, I had just come back from church. It's like taking two steps forward, three steps back. I always vow never to do this again but then I always do. It's been several months since the last time I did this. I just...

It's good that you are on this path of recovery. You are breaking the cycle. Many people just become their parents but you are one of the few who is doing the hard work to get better and to choose to do differently than him. It's sad knowing that someone is stuck like your dad, but as stated...

I feel like the people who hurt others are absolutely miserable on the inside. If they weren't, they wouldn't be abusive. So vengeance is really not even something you have to ask for, it's a guarantee.

I have not received Justice and the lord did not bestow vengeance on anyone I know. Perhaps he is sleeping. ...well my husband/stepfather died in a car wreck exactly a year after I filed for divorce. I filed in Jan 2020, he died Jan 2021. But I don't like to think that was vengeance because he...

If Forgiveness is internal I don't know what it feels like. I bring up Justice because I feel anger toward my abusers that feels like the Justice I was due but never received. Does anger mean there is no Forgiveness? I'm not sure, again I don't know what Forgiveness feels like.

Perhaps forgiveness is not a one and done transaction. It could be a lifelong process like recovery, a component of recovery. I also know that Christian belief includes justice for victims. How does Forgiveness exist alongside Justice if Forgiveness is wiping the slate clean in the matter of a...

My job requires I deal with the public. A man and his wife came in and was initially being helped by my coworker. They were calm and quiet, I didn't even hear what they said. The couple left then came back. I was helping them when they returned but the man started yelling at me. The reason I...

Thank you. I don't know why things seem to bother me so much today, why my inner critic is so strong today. I was fine all week and then this morning was hell. I usually wake up at 5am and go to the gym, go to bed early so well rested. Bed is made every morning. I like a clean kitchen and...

This is why I don't talk to anyone. People ask me all the time, why don't you say hi, why are you so quiet, why don't you share some things about your life, why would I? My life is boring and no one cares. Do people honestly, genuinely care? No. They don't have genuine interest in your life...

Feeling low and disgusting today. My inner critic is constantly attacking. I have so much to do and can't get it all done, exhausted, overwhelmed. I don't make a lot of money and live on my own so I'm forced to dress like a boy even tho I'm a girl, I feel ugly and my coworker/friend who can...

Memory #1: I was early teens. My grandmother was sitting at the kitchen table reading grocery store ads with her magnifying glass. She seemed calm and content so I walked over to her and leaned on her shoulder to give her a hug, to cuddle. Out of no where, she slapped me really hard. I was...

Thank you!

I quieted my apartment for a few days, no tv or interaction with anyone outside of my boyfriend or work. This was to allow myself to meditate on my feelings and practice living in the moment rather than the past or the future. I ended up accidentally isolating myself too much which sent me...

Yes, she is hard to see. Things always seem to come up. I am looking for another therapist but it's a long process. Scheduled to see my current one this Friday.

One day, my mother was gone somewhere. My stepdad and I went upstairs, I think to take a nap. We were under the covers, in the bed he shared with my mother. He talked sweet to me, asking me if I wanted to try. I wasn't sure, I was scared. He took my shorts off anyway. It wasn't something I...

Hello..I'm starting a trauma diary for exposure therapy and to also tell about my experiences since I have a hard time sharing in person to others. My experiences include rape and molestation of a child (me). I don't have a point system, my trauma spans years of chronic abuse. The short version...

Thank you for your kind words.

Thank you for this 😊