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I emailed Karen’s sister to tell her I miss Karen so much and have they gotten her cause of death yet? She said there is no official cause of death known. Her sibs have emptied her whole house and painted it and it sold right away. Did you know that a tattoo artist can tattoo into your skin the...

I fell apart at my sons wedding too. That was in Jamaica. Travel makes me sick. My therapist told me today that I really should not put my body through the rigors of travel due to my chemical intolerance. He told me I look positively green and my voice was gravelly. He said under normal...

Yes they could’ve found a rustic venue an hour from Boston that did not require a 7 hour trip and all the fumes that come with that. But only I get sick traveling. The camp was a perfect backdrop to their wedding because they are all about hiking and mountain climbing. The ceremony was...

Hey Karen. Missing you so much. Driving to PA, sleeping in musty bunk bed. It all add d up over 4 days. Should’ve flown. Wanted there to be a close connection to a Kelsey. Didn’t happen. Feeling humiliated. Hey everybody look at KYG she’s a fool. I guess she took awhile to think about what PTSD...

So it’s Monday morning. Yesterday as I was having breakfast in the lodge it turns out that most everyone is staying til Tuesday to hike and kayak and have meals together. I was never given this info from my daughter and it just dug that wound even deeper. I just got in the car and left. I can...

I just want to honor and admire all the women on this site that have appt encouraged me and remind me of all the ways we can stay in the moment. That place of complete calm. Where we are safe and from where we can move forward instead of drowning in the deep end. Grounding is, to me, the place...

The day was a success. After dinner I took my daughter aside and apologized for my behavior. She said when she read the seating chart, she saw how hurtful it was to exclude me from the nuclear family. The photograph idea was brilliant and my daughter was so happy that I took everyone’s photo. I...

I like to use an App Headspace for short meditations during the course of the day. The place I feel the most grounded is during energy mind-body likereiki and massage. That’s when I can really relax and I feel gravity pulling me down to earth. My chakras are often closed, so energy work on a...

@Friday point taken with humbleness.

I AM SO f*ckING HUMILIATED. My heart has been ripped out of my chest and there’s a dagger in my back. So we got to this awesome camp in PA and I immediately get the cold shoulder from my son ex husband and daughter. She totally is ignoring me. There’s a lot to do to get ready for the wedding...

Leg 2 done. I’m not allowed to drive because I keep yawning!! NY next. Anxiety is almost zero now.

I’m learning to ask these questions to my animal spirits via my Shaman. She Intuit’s my energies and either by journeying or simply a reiki session, I get clarity. Too bad she’s having a blast in Spain at the moment!!

One mouse dead. Left traps in every room. I’ve made it to NH. Now I am on time but my friend is running late, so right now I’m in a massive overnight parking area off Rte 93. Next leg to western MA. It’s easier to cope if I just tell myself I’m just going to the next state. I woke up at 1:30...

Cortisol is a stress hormone secreted by the outer vortex of the adrenal gland. It is triggered by the adrenocortical stimulating hormone from the pituitary gland. Cortisol is instrumental in the chemical conversion of carbohydrates into glucose which is in greater demand in times of stress. In...

I made a video for my friend who lives on the west coast. I told her I feel like a hoarder, so I filed all the piles I have everywhere. There’s not one place in here that’s in order. Oh I lied. I finally organized a bookshelf. I have too many shoes. They are all piled up in my foyer despite the...

You know you have nothing to be ashamed of. She’s a safe person to entrust your story with.

I have four mental illnesses. PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Chemical brain injury. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. I like putting things in the right category. If it goes under PTSD, I have the least hope of improvement. But I think it’s the umbrella...

I’m feeling a little better about the trip. Today I had my mani pedi and I haven’t heard from my daughter so her fiancé must be there by now to help her. At therapy today I asked my t to help me name the feelings I’m having. I’m so used to numbing my uncomfortable feelings, figuring out if I...

@ladee im sorry you got the short end of the stick. I didn’t know that we have a lot in common. I identify with all you said but for the education. I did go to college and was determined never to see my family of horrors again. Just want to say that reiki on a regular basis has restored my soul...

Sleep, restful sleep with no intrusions

I keep having this recurring thought that once my daughter is married, then I’ll have a nervous breakdown. Part of my coping with PTSD has always been “my children need me to be strong” now that she’ll be married (even though she’s been with her fiancé for 10 years) I won’t be needed anymore...

I’ve been preparing for EMDR for many years. I have a trusted trauma therapist who, when I ask when we’re going to start EMDR, do no harm. By that, he means that I need to be able to sit with a memory without craving escape first. Thinking about thinking about memories still upsets me. I am...

@Mach123 good luck on your journey. You have a long trip. At least I will be mostly driving through New England where I’m comfortable. A five hour drive with a very good friend who does not judge me. She’s planning to go to bed at 9:00!!!

To be honest, I never took interest with the live function. I think my Nikon is far superior to a cell phone camera. It’s much better in low light conditions. @Living in the 70s thanks for the advice. I remember some of us studied the self compassion writings of Neff. It will be something to...

@Living in the 70s brilliant idea!! I’ve gotten out my digital camera. The battery’s are dead but it takes really good photos in low light. You just gave me the perfect “out”. My photos taken on my iPhone always have motion in them. Thank you!!