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We are in the same boat marriage wise. I am fortunate that I don’t have a lot of anger. I am at a loss on what I want to do with my life now. I am considering moving out of the US just because I don’t like all the political division and anger. I have obtained New Zealand citizenship but I am...
I guess I am lucky as most of my ideation was passive but then I had a few events that could be considered active. That scared me and I realized how toxic my wife and the kids with her are to me, a constant trigger. I have gone almost completely no contact and all ideation stopped. I hope that...
I think the lingering effect of parental suicide linger throughout life. That is a pretty strong deterrent for me as I don’t want my kids any more messed up because of me.
I witnessed a couple serious attempts by my mother before she was successful. When I was about 7 I found her in her car with the swimming pool vacuum hose running from the exhaust to the passenger compartment. Another time she jumped in front of the car when my father was driving it, later...
I haven’t posted in a few days since I was traveling but I have been walking, a lot. Also I just finished an hour of yoga. I was in DC, now in California and at the latest I will be back home in Arizona by the 5th, maybe sooner. I miss being able to exercise in a more methodical way such as...
I understand as I have experienced the same thing. For me I have made a conscious effort at being more outgoing and social. I started by just talking to strangers like the cashiers in stores. I have gotten better but I also have learned to appreciate my solitude. I am in a long distance...
Thank you for bringing this up. I am not familiar with the term but I am grieving my failed marriage. I don’t think I have ever really experienced grief before. I think I always just distracted myself. Now I am experiencing grief for the marriage and it makes me a bit emotionally numb. I...
I did the same bicycle ride i did yesterday but I was 5 minutes faster without trying. I also rode the BMW for a couple hours and took it off road along the border wall. It is a heavy bike so it is a workout off the pavement. I did come across something interesting, a stash of ladders near...
You are not a bad person, if you were you would not be posting about your concern. Drinking isn’t for everyone. I quit almost 40 years ago. I was in a relationship with someone who was drinking and using drugs to excess. I thought if I stopped she might. She didn’t but I discovered I enjoy...
I went back to school as an adult and went to grad school (law school) too. What I found is it seemed like I had to work harder than anyone else. I did well, law review, etc and I passed the Bar exam on the first try. It was one of the most rewarding accomplishments of my life. I am the only...
Google Central Sensitization. I have a long history with chronic pain. I ended up at the Mayo Clinic pain clinic. The doc goes over all my pain and then asks, “By the way, did you have childhood trauma?” I said some and he reached around and grabbed a pamphlet on Central Sensitization. I...