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Thanks for this thread and I hope more people can provide insight as I’m also trying to figure it out. For a long time I blocked my feelings so I didn’t have any distinct or blended sensations. But now that I’ve worked on some of that I can say I do know how you feel with fear, sadness, anger...

Abso-freaking-lutely! How you describe your mental map of the environment is what I do as well. It’s very uncomfortable when there are available entry points on all sides of the location I’m in. I don’t have any techniques, typically I just have to tolerate it when I’m in the company of others...

Absolutely! Are you able to enjoy fireworks now or do you one day hope to be able to?

There is a difference, though how well you can discern it depends on individual factors. If you haven't been around gunfire, it will be more difficult to distinguish between the 2 and your hyper vigilant brain will just record the way you're accustomed to identifying it - guessing amped up...

Thanks for the thread....totally relate. Others may have the same layer I’m currently in, it’s one that shifts but goes along with how @Movingforward10 described: feelings overwhelming = can’t process ——> work thru with no emotion = no processing——> completely shutdown = unaware/dissociated I...

Blah.

Curious....when you look at photos that you’re in from the past, do you recognize yourself? Perhaps there are various levels on this - from ‘nope’ to ‘they say that’s me’ to ‘most definitely’. How about people who are also in those photos with you? I’m curious about memory and how it changes...

It might not be so much about forgiveness or stopping the self blame of not protecting yourself at this point in your journey. It’s difficult, if not impossible to do that when memories are broken/fragmented or interpreted using what we know now as adults and applying them to what limited bits...

Don’t want to hijack this @mylunareclipse and btw - the support you’ve been given comes to you for very good reason. Normal to question it, but I’d say....those who see you (your T) determined you will benefit, are willing, and deserving of all of it. But the hijack part....what @Friday posted...

It would be just as difficult or more difficult because now I know what happens when I do open up. I have disclosed some other misadventures from my adult and professional life, and was able to manage those waves fairly well. But have a sense I’ll drown with the stuff from my earlier life.

Took some time to think about this. Why seeing T could be a problem.... Before T had health issues requiring a sudden indeterminate absence from work, I had decided to finally disclose small details about my childhood. I have been cleaning up the mess since, largely alone, except for some...

I’m embarrassed that I actually posted this question on the forum. Sheesh. Absolute minor issue to be dealt with myself. Regardless, thanks for your suggestion @bellbird it’s essentially what I did, contactless delivery ;) Didn’t send an email to inquire how T is, as it’s none of my business...

I am having trouble running a decision and am hoping to gather perspectives from others if so inclined to comment. Background: My T has been away for several months due to illness. I had established if dropping a care package at some point is appropriate and was given approval to do so by T...

Porges son - Seth - on Polyvagal Theory.

I need a punch in the head..... Naw, that’s what I hear when I think about feeeeelings. So, it’s letting that thought pass so I can find out what the heck I am feeling. So far still stuck on “punch in the head”. Patience...perseverance.

Thanks very much for everyone insight and suggestions. This stuff can be very confusing! I can understand a certain degree of fragmentation is fine when it allows us the ability to function in the world. Just like it’s possible to be your work self and your home self. For me, those two are...

Wondering about how others have taken initial steps with communicating with pieces that are stuck in trauma time. I currently don’t have access to a therapist but would like to try working on a few things myself, but am cautious to not cause more harm than benefit. If there are lessons you’ve...

Thanks for coming back and sharing this challenge here. I’m in a very similar situation myself, my psychiatrist may take me back eventually, but I have to prepare that he won’t. Like you, I understand that it’s nothing personal.....but yeah, it’s a huge loss. Especially when they’re the only...

Is there a colleague you are comfortable verbalizing this to? Could you speak and they transform that to writing or point form for you to build from? Reason I mention colleague is cuz they will have understanding of the system more than someone outside it. Wording is important for these things...

Sunset in the alpine Walked across the ridge line to the peak at the left. Stellar day of sun and sweat

I gather from what you wrote that it took some time for you to accept/allow. Really grateful for you sharing cuz it gives me strength to keep walking forward in an attempt to find and accept preferences. Like the amazing white rhino, often elusive! thanks for this Fre. I have a difficult time...

Maybe we can help each other work out ways thru excuses vs reasons? What do you do when you have a trigger with a seemingly harmless thing/activity but one that begs an explanation to others if it comes up? I don’t socialize often, partly for the fact it’s exhausting and I only have so much...

In a sense, perfection can become the reason we enjoy doing things. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with that, but when it become the end all to everything....yeah, storms converging. The difficult work is identifying when perfections the driving force. For me at least. This is...

Sorry it posted twice....not sure what I did!! So I went back and looks like I fixed it.

Missed you mountains.....hope to have some more photos over the next few weeks I’m with the alpine flowers.