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I created this account back in the summer of 2016 when I first recovered memories of CSA. I eventually signed off in 2017 because I needed to dissociate myself from this, and boy, did I do just do that... Last year, I relapsed so badly in my anorexia and bulimia and alcohol and drug use. I...

The other day I saw him on the train. He had the same mole on the left side of his cheek, but he's much older now. I didn't feel panicky, but I felt confused and was kind of like frowning. I stared at him the entire time, and I told myself it's probably not him, but if it is, he'd get off at...

I am now 21 years old. I still feel like a hurt little child who mourns her mommy. I feel as if I have no obligations in the world. Everything is up to me, but with little direction. It's like nothing matters. Does this feeling ever die?

One of the main things i struggle with is impulse control as a growing, evolving adult which continues to throw me off track and scare me. an example of this is that i know consciously i am making irrational decisions in the spur of the moment, but i see no harm in it until it is often too late...

I'm so f*cking angry right now I should just f*cking kill myself. I can't shake these memories. I know I had anal sex as a child and I remember I couldn't wipe my own ass for the longest time. In pre school the teachers had to do it for me. I remember I just felt so dirty all the time and I'm...

Throughout my entire life, I've been needy to a degree of shame...Especially from those who bullied me as a child. I remember I was badly bullied during my 6th grade year, and obviously I was hurt, but then I can recall "falling in love" with these same boys that would harass me. I have no...

I'm so upset right now... I was thinking quite a bit about my sexual abuse trauma today already. I went to boarding school for my last two years of high school, and I never talk about it because I hated my experience there and I just wanted to stay in oblivion. I mean, it's such a blur to me...

Do you ever feel powerless because you know you're the only one with such memories at least that you're aware of? I don't even know his last name, I have no way of knowing...My mother won't tell me anything. When I ask her or my older sister, they say they don't know or remember, so I don't want...

My mom was an alcoholic and she got sober when I was 13 all by herself, with absolutely no help, but I'm just so upset about everything. We were at the liquor store so often that as a child, I formed a relationship with one of the cashiers and I was always excited to go because I wanted to see...

I recently moved into a 3 story apartment and last night my neighbour who lives above me, came up to me when I was outside...on my way to the store. I was literally going to get myself something sweet to eat because I felt like it. He started off with "I heard you crying the other night and I...

..........First of all, I'm hard of hearing and wear hearing aids in both ears and that adds to the trauma. Second, Ableism is very well and alive. Third, people obviously don't want to see me succeed or give me the platforms and opportunities to make that happen. I recently scored a cashier job...

Hey guys. Bear with me please, I have to share this memory. I can't say this out loud because I'm embarrassed. I've probably shared it with friends nonchalantly. I remember when I was little, perhaps in pre school. My mommy would wake me up in the mornings and carry me downstairs and I'd watch...

Over time my outbursts heightened and I've had to suffer the consequences of my behaviour. I didn't think it was that bad, but now I'm getting a harsh reality check. I still don't really want to admit as I don't feel ready to improve myself. I'm way too jumpy and quick to anger. I don't see...

Hey guys...its been a little while. I've been managing well..not really getting where I need with my T, but I need to sit down and write it out and just gain the courage. I'm afraid to be too vulnerable because it's so painful..and right now, I've been crying for days about it. Just so many...

My therapist wants to try Imaginal Exposure therapy next week. What are your thoughts/opinions/experiences with this? I find myself a bit disoriented after sessions and I haven't even begun this type of therapy yet.. My therapist gave me a piece to read on it, which I did, but I thought I'd take...

Tips please?! I used to be a long distance runner before I took up smoking.

Like ALL the time? I hear some people saying how they don't let their memories affect them and that they try to forgive, and honestly it makes me feel like a weak person for ever self-destructing. I've dealt with more than one trauma in my life, not that it excuses my behaviour, but everyone...

I've felt this way continuously and consistently. I find this feeling difficult to deal with. My parent has their partner and my sister has my niece, and I just feel left out. I think it stems from feeling 'outside' my entire life. The issue is that it's incredibly contradicting. While I want to...

Is it possible to have a flashback of something I possibly imagined WHILE dissociating when abused? I think I used to imagine someone close to me walking in on what was happening, finding out about it etc, but that never actually happened...could that be a memory of imagination, like imagining...

Underneath the untouchable exterior lies a preowned body, much rather touched Beyond her years Emotions are bubbling in my chest Rising to the surface The lack of air in my lungs keep them from bursting Ready to release, the pressure halts, storing in my cells, silently intensifying...

I would be drunk/high everyday like I used to be. I was drinking last week and I ended up crying myself to sleep. I would do that anyways but it's worse when it's from flashbacks and the anxiety is increased. There's no escape, like being sober is the best option right now. I just want to enjoy...

I've always been sensitive to particular sounds, but even more now. Laughter in unison and footsteps and all that crap. Why are most of us startled easily? How the f*ck does this mess with our head so damn much???

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 10 and died when I was 15. She was prideful and alienated herself often so I took care of her. Physically and emotionally. We had a very close relationship, but she put me through a lot, and then skipped out before I eventually "broke". She'll...

i was out for lunch with family in my neighbourhood today when one of my fam members pointed out that my childhood abuser just passed by. my heart started racing and i almost wanted to cry. i said "why would you tell me that?" etc etc. i didn't do what i was supposed to do today. this means he's...

It just occurred to me that I must've been somewhat disconnected from my memories or my body because I never felt myself little. Recently, I've been FEELING little. I can remember my little self and I can feel my body. I've never actually felt in my body before, I've never felt my little body...