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Thanks @Sideways . I think you make some good points. I definitely think he's a keeper, and I was thinking exactly that I want to be a little flexible in my expectations because he definitely seems like someone who is willing to listen and work with me. I have never seen him yell in over 4...

I actually agree with you both. I actually should say that I expect him to try not to lose it every time he gets angry. The one way that I do think yelling and anger are related is that becoming angry in the first place makes it more likely that you'll yell. I have become so good at taking...

I have not been on the forum for a while. Sometimes I find that I meander away for a while - it might even be avoidant behavior. There's a topic I'm struggling with - anger. I have certain ideas about it that I think sometimes go against what people on here believe, but I'm not sure if I have a...

I was reading an article about how once we care about someone, we will always care for them to some extent. So the expert was saying that we can grieve, but perhaps we shouldn't expect to bring "closure". I don't think we should feel ashamed for loving then and even feeling it after we're hurt...

No, this third one doesn't have ptsd. I'm complaining about the former ones who left a legacy. Even if he did have ptsd, I think that it needn't necessarily mean that I should not try to have a relationship with him.

I feel like I've posted on this more than once, but I still need to make sense of it. To what extent can we expect fairness from a partner with ptsd? I've been seeing someone for 3.5 months, feeling very vulnerable because I'm starting to have feelings for him, and it brings up complicated...

Wow. That must feel like quite the betrayal. I can understand the reaction of feeling small and insignificant because I think that's how anyone would feel after investing that much time and emotional resources and sharing a bond, and then for it to be so easily dismissed, at least on the...

Thanks @grit. I think you're right about reaction times and distance between the ptsd and real experience. That's exactly it. I never thought about role playing while triggered partly because I'm not always triggered when I see my therapist. But that's an interesting idea. I've been telling the...

OMG, thanks @Friday. I actually was questioning whether 'triggered' was apt in describing what my reaction was also. But I thought it was because of the 'switch' I feel when I get triggered which makes the experience totalizing. But like you say, isn't getting triggered about past abuse? My...

I met someone and we've been dating for about 3 months. Strangely, I'm realizing that developing feelings for him has triggered me. In general, I find online dating fraught. You're constantly wondering how you're measuring up, and rejection lurks around every corner. There are so many ways...

I think it's a pretty well known thing in psychology that when you take your anger out on someone, you benefit by becoming less stressed and by outsourcing your bad feelings to someone else. Unfortunately, that someone else suffers, and the anger gets perpetuated. I understand where it comes...

Hey @astridluna28 , I personally think he has no right to blow off steam at you. I was around that with my ex husband, and it is very stressful and I think physiologically harmful to be exposed frequently to aggressive and angry outbursts. I'm a single parent, and though I miss having a partner...

I'm not really looking for advice, but rather for some sympatico. I was at my therapist's today, and I was surprised that I was still in tears about my ex boyfriend who broke up with me in June, and who moved out at the end of August. My son and I grieved, in some ways I moved on, I often feel...

Thanks @Still Standing. I think this is brave and honest to share what happened, and a sign of good mental health that you're able to express the difficult truth rather than avoid it. I'm very sorry that you weren't able to turn things around when the kids were younger, but it sounds like you...

Oh okay. It sounds like you've been doing this a while. I'll try to keep up...

I think chapter 17 in Body Keeps the Score, "Putting the Pieces Back Together" is helpful for your current issue. If you don't mind, I quote two paragraphs from p. 286: "Patients are asked to identify the part involved in the current problem, like feeling worthless, abandoned, or obsessed with...

I'm a little late to the conversation, but I can relate to intense self-hate. I do like Walker, but I wanted to add what I remembered van der Kolk saying or at least my interpretation/memory of it. Self-hate aids our survival as a child because it suppresses the needs and feelings that provoke...

Thanks @Sideways :)

Thanks @Mytime and @Sweetpea76 . I agree with you both: Totally. I've always thought this, but for some reason, my ex tied his financial support and relationship to his son to how *I* treated my ex. If I was "mean" to him, he cancelled visits with his son and skip his child support payment. I...

Thanks. The more people describe it as "abuse", the more I realize how distorted my thinking was in terms of what I consider acceptable treatment. This has been such a good reality check.

Thanks. That's an excellent suggestion and I think anyone struggling with a volatile ex should do that. I've been divorced a very long time, and I struggled with this issue and finally did get the courts involved 6 years ago. Your ex sounds pretty evil. Makes my ex sound like an angel. Right now...

Yes. Thanks for emphasizing that. I think that's important for me to remember. I think the hard part for me is maintaining the boundary. When he was threatening suicide all the time, I was sweating it thinking I was allowing the father of my son to die. It was hard to maintain my boundary - I...

That's a powerful post @brat17. Thank you. Everything you said was sensible, and good to remember. I do agree that sometimes it's subconscious or quasi-subconscious when you know something works, you will use it even if there's a mixture of compelled emotions alongside of it. For example, the...

I did try before to enforce boundaries, but he upped the ante, and I caved, I guess. But I strongly feel that his focus on me is from cognitive distortions from his own ptsd. He's not trying to be cunning or something, which might be stopped simply by calling him out. I don't think he'll ever...

@Ronin, just thank you. That was such a nice thing to say and I really felt it. Gosh that was a nice shift in perspective. @EveHarrington thank you. I see what you're saying. I have been deceptive but only insofar as I deemed it age-appropriate. When it wasn't sufficient to distract my son with...