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Thanks, @brat17. I'm trying to see that objectively. I wrote this in previous posts, but one of my most dramatic realizations was that I blamed myself for my dad's attempted suicide. My dad, who was injured in a serious accident when I was 5, went from a narcissistic borderline personality...

@Sideways , that makes so much sense. If only I had any when these things go on. I do tell my son that his dad didn't pick him up because he's unwell again, not his fault. Even as I wrote, should I let him yell at me? It sounded so wrong. Yet, my mind thinks this is possibly the better...

Agreed. In the past, I thought it was just a natural consequence of his bad childhood. But whether intentionally or not, he knows the exact threat that will trigger me most.

Thanks for that perspective, @Friday. No, I wouldn't want him to see my son when he's manic. And he does in fact just disappear at those times. I feel bad for my son, and just wish he wouldn't get manic, but I guess that's unrealistic. I see that you've had experience with a "bad" ex, and I see...

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to tell me what I kind of knew. Yeah, @somerandomguy, I do know in a way what the answer is. But my ex is so insistent about his entitlement to my help that given my background and history, my objections seem so shallow in comparison. Every time he has a...

I was counting how many years I've been divorced from my ex, and I can't believe it's been since 2006. And all that time, I've been going back and forth between helping him maintain a certain amount of sanity as he gambled everything away including tens of thousands of dollars in arrears and...

I'm sorry that I don't know this, @Sietz, but is your mom one of your abusers? I'm only on here episodically, so I don't know everyone's history well. I just wanted to say that being exposed to gaslighting and other dysfunctional dynamics is, in my mind, a huge deal that probably explains a lot...

Hi @EveHarrington. There are a lot of things I can relate to in what you're saying despite the fact that my ptsd does not come from sexual abuse (though in my older years, I had an incident or two that left me scarred). But for me, it comes from just generally being used by my parents for what...

I've been reflecting on this matter, and understand that social situations are extremely complex, and I think that's reflected in the advice. Thank you for your feedback. My ptsd tells me that "they" are against me, but I wish that "they" were for me, but the fact is that everyone has different...

Thank you @Abstract and @Friday. You had me cracking a smile, Friday. Groups of parents are judgemental! Haha. By irrationally, I mean that there was a period of about 2 months when my son was in 5th grade when I wrote his teachers and administrators long, complex emails detailing research...

I think the winter has affected me. I've been okay, not great. I'm feeling particularly paranoid today. I'm trying to be more involved with the pta in my son's school. But I am perceiving parents shunning me or acting weird around me and I think it's because in the past, I have to admit that...

Hey @Pippi427 , it's understandable that you're in a bad place. I do believe that there was betrayal. You said before that you also have ptsd from childhood, right? I know that right now that you're feeling angry at the ex, and you're totally justified. In the midst of this difficult time, if...

@Pippi427 , he didn't make it easy to get over him because of all the drama he created. And the more emotions (positive or negative) you give to him and the situation will keep the entanglement going. There was a hint of wistfulness in your post. I really hope you don't think it's a good idea to...

Yeah, that's what I was wondering if trying to be the "cool aunt" was within the range of normal or if it's some codependent thing. I think I am the cool aunt, but not because I spend money on my nephews and nieces. In this case, that did contribute to my stress because I'm pretty tapped out...

Thanks @Abstract. Those are really good perspectives. I think there were a lot of feelings going on at once and I was putting a bit of pressure on myself. I was the scapegoat in the family, and I had once thought that all of my siblings kids would adopt my siblings' attitude about me. But it...

I've had transference issues in the past. My ex had an extreme transference response to his previous therapists. He'd start to go, but would quit within weeks, and he'd always say that the therapist just didn't like him, so he did them a favor and quit. Guess what his relationship is like with...

Yes, the feeling is what I think is important to think about, and why I would feel conflicted after an apparently nice weekend. Thanks for your input as I process my thoughts about this.

Hi @Nessa7, that's a really good point. That's the kind of "normal" reaction that I want to identify as such. I do think that is a part of it if not the majority of it. @grit, that's the kind of thing I was wondering about. If I'm motivated by my ptsd reactions, then I'm doing it not by choice...

Hi @grit. I appreciate your perspective. Maybe not everyone would approach therapy the same way as I would, and you seem to know your boundaries. I guess I approach therapy in terms of opening up wounds to heal them in a safe environment, but maybe that's not the only approach. One thing I'm...

I do think that I'm motivated to please in part. But there is a natural amount of that in all interactions, aren't there? I know for certain that I do want to make my nephews' and my son's lives better in any way I can. My nephews feel comfortable with me and talk to me about what's going on in...

I think 80% of my posts could fit under this thread. I would really like feedback about whether I am going way overboard, or if it's perfectly normal mundane niceness. I struggle with this because my parents used and exploited me so thoroughly that I'm always doing too much or running the other...

@ppppts , I think I understand what you're saying. We communicate and behave according to internal conditions and dictates. If I'm acting in ways that offend others, I might see the reaction, but I might not be able to do otherwise. I only have the resources that I do and I can't see myself in...

Hi @grit. I think feeling exposed and vulnerable is probably a part of not wanting to share, right? I wonder if it wouldn't help to tell small, manageable details to feel okay with the feelings of discomfort.

This thread is making me think... I've never had ground rules to accommodate my ptsd. I usually try to be the one accommodating. But after my last relationship, I really wished that he could see me and my needs. Instead, if I was triggered, he would get triggered too and then it would become...