Search results

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here for awhile which for me is always a big accomplishment as it means that everything is tolerable in my life. Nonetheless, I still missed all of you :). I'm coming to accept that the sexual assault that I endured when I was 14 by my dad will always be a part of...

It's been a long time since I've been on this forum and that's mostly because I was doing pretty well. Fluoxetine has been doing wonders with my brain and I've been on a great track to transferring to a state college with a scholarship. Then came last week; I could feel my brain changing. I just...

9 days ago I began taking fluoxetine 10mg and I've noticed a huge (better) difference in my mood and I've been able to sleep much better. I'm functioning very well and I feel more awake during the day. I currently have a 2.5 month supply because I was taken off my insurance recently, but...

So two or three months ago I had enough: it had been a particularly rough month and between hormones, an overwhelming schedule, and several other factors I decided it was time to see my doctor. I went and before I could utter any words past "I think I'm depressed". My doctor got onto his laptop...

I got an email from my dad today. "Subject: love you. I hope all is well and you are happy." I don't know how I feel about this. I've been yearning to hear from him, but nightmares filled with fear and regret have been consuming my nights lately. I miss him, but I still don't understand how...

Last year I wrote this stupid story for class that ended up being the thing that triggered warning lights in my teacher. I hate it now because of all the stuff I had to go through because of it, but before taht happened it was precious to me since it was like my way of sharing my story. Anyways...

Alright, I really don't know if this is the right place to post this thread, but if not then I trust the awesome moderators to take care of it ;). So I'm going to enter a scholarship contest which I normally try to avoid, but this looked too cute. You have to create a Disney type princess (make...

My stress cup is very close to the brim for the past few weeks thanks to flashbacks, nightmares, fears..all of the typical stuff that users here I'm sure are familiar with so I'm trying to avoid any form of uneeded stress (the good and the bad). That's resulted in me isolating myself from all...

I just woke up and I'm in a panic right now. I had a really, really bad nightmare and it was too surreal for comfort. I was going to one of the restaurants in my town with my aunt that I consider a "red" zone because the chances of my dad being there are very high. I was waiting in line to order...

I've been regressing this week. All of the progress I've made, or thought I've made, in the past few months just went down the drain. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of moving forward even though I know I have so much potential. I feel so lonely, such a hopeless loneliness. And I wish that I...

I start a new job in two hours and I have to leave for my college in 45 minutes, but I can barely get myself out of bed as I feel the incoming onslaught of a panic attack. I woke up under the overwhelming realization of the situation between my father and I. The part that tries to forget and...

I came across this picture today and I just love what this guy said. If anybody here has the memory of an elephant (I don't) than you may remember that I dropped out of my pretty conservative college this past September due to my mental state. I never really wanted to go to the college in the...

I'm sorry, I know I just posted, but my episode is just getting worst. And amongst all of my convulated thoughts attacking me, the one that keeps bothering me the most is, how am I the selfish one? Last year, I trusted a teacher with my secret because it was too much for me. I needed someone to...

I have a test tomorrow that I really need to continue studying for and I've been desperately trying for the past 4 or 5 hours, but nothing is registering in my brain. I don't really know if I'm dissociating (I don't really understand what a dissociative episode feels like) but this is the time...

Lately, I've been really struggling with not being able to speak to any friends about what I've been through. I suppose it doesn't help that I haven't seen my therapist for more than a month (I know, I'm going to try returning once I switch to my new, less time consuming job, in two weeks) but I...

So I've been doing a lot of processing for the past two weeks and I think I can say that I've been making actual progress. For years and years I have split my father into two different people; good guy and bad guy who I shove into a closet in order to ignore his existence. That was my way of...

Alright strange topic, but I'm genuinely curious. So I recently saw a promo for Switched at Birth (ABC family drama) and I decided to see what all the fuss was about with their most recent episodes. I've never cared much for any of ABC's dramas, but I was pretty impressed. The show is attempting...

So a few months ago when I had to file a police report on what happened several years ago, the detective asked if I had been raped, and I said no, that it was just one time assault. That was it (I've always diminished the significance of events that happen to me, I think it's my way of coping)...

I'm positive there has to be someone who can relate to me. February is a difficult month because it's when my life spiraled down a deep hole that took up till recently to mostly recover from last year. It's also the month following the assault 4 years ago, when I spent most days incredibly...

January should typically be a triggering month for me considering it's when the abuse began, but so far this has been one of the best months I've had in a year. I've made such simple and small changes, but they all just feel so great! I chopped off most of my hair to a shoulder length bob and it...

For months now I've just wanted to write about how I've felt in the past year in order to make some sense of my emotions. But, every time I try, the words just don't come to me or it becomes too difficult. Even in therapy I can never get what I really feel out. I just would rather have it stay...

So I've been a bit MIA lately because my life has been steadily improving although I definitely have my off days. I recently noticed I've been steadily weaving my way through the steps of grief...if there's a word to describe this past year then it would be, hectic. I'm just hoping that I can...

I know that I've said quite a few hateful and angry things in posts about my mother but at the end of the day I know that I love her and she loves me even though we both struggle to love in a healthy way. I found out recently (ok, it wasnt that big of a surprise) that I struggle to express love...

I believe it's about time I just completely opened up about how I really feel. Posting on the forums have helped me more than any diary can because others are reading and others are offering me support in ways other can't. I don't know how long this post is going to be, but I'm just going to...

Today has just been a fantastic day, I can't remember the last time I've felt so good and full of energy. I got my haircut, which is actually a big deal for me since my hair cutter is a really good friend of mine and she still thought I was in california. I had to get over my fear of...