So two or three months ago I had enough: it had been a particularly rough month and between hormones, an overwhelming schedule, and several other factors I decided it was time to see my doctor. I went and before I could utter any words past "I think I'm depressed". My doctor got onto his laptop and found a light, trial Prozac prescription that I should be able to come off of without too many complications if I chose to do so.
I had always told myself I would never come to the point of taking medications for anxiety, depression, or anything else related to my mental stability. Please understand, this was a personal decision and a lot of it stemmed from my fear of the side effects.
So I went to pick up the prescription and I sat in the car staring at the bottle. I stuffed it in my purse and carried it with me for the next two weeks. Each day I told myself that if I could no longer function or things became too overwhelming then I would begin the medication. Each day I reached the point of almost opening the bottle, but I would find a reason not to. Each day I began to focus on the good in my life rather than the thunderstorm in my brain. Finally by week 2, I relocated the bottle to my car's dashboard. Distant, but close just in case.
I had always been a competitive person growing up. I needed to be the best and always found new ways to challenge myself. This had become my new challenge. Every day I would find another reason to not take that prozac and if I couldn't find a reason, then I would create one. I know that this isn't for everyone and I truly do believe medication can help, but this was what was helping me not survive, but finally thrive.
Eventually I just hid the unopened prozac bottle in my basement as a reminder. Prozac will be my rock bottom if the day ever comes, but even if it does come: life will still be manageable. In the past two months I've been promoted to head manager at work, aced all of my college classes (while juggling a full time job :D!), made some incredible contacts for my future career (I befriended one of the head guys at discovery channel during a lunch break), became addicted to the gym, broke up with my boyfriend (something I've been meaning to do for months now) and am still on good terms with him, and even found closure to my ex-bestie abandoning me last year.
I feel great [and look great ;)] and I still definitely have bad, overwhelming days, but I've found my focus. I'm healthy, confident, and more assertive.
I'm moving forward with my life. I have a future and it looks pretty awesome in my head. Who knows if I'll ever achieve it, but if it's helping me drag forward with a thunderstorm in my head; then I'm keeping that hope.
I sincerely hope this post encourages just one person. I'm still struggling, but there's certainly always hope in unexpected areas. If my spark came from a Prozac bottle, then I'm sure you'll find yours :)
I had always told myself I would never come to the point of taking medications for anxiety, depression, or anything else related to my mental stability. Please understand, this was a personal decision and a lot of it stemmed from my fear of the side effects.
So I went to pick up the prescription and I sat in the car staring at the bottle. I stuffed it in my purse and carried it with me for the next two weeks. Each day I told myself that if I could no longer function or things became too overwhelming then I would begin the medication. Each day I reached the point of almost opening the bottle, but I would find a reason not to. Each day I began to focus on the good in my life rather than the thunderstorm in my brain. Finally by week 2, I relocated the bottle to my car's dashboard. Distant, but close just in case.
I had always been a competitive person growing up. I needed to be the best and always found new ways to challenge myself. This had become my new challenge. Every day I would find another reason to not take that prozac and if I couldn't find a reason, then I would create one. I know that this isn't for everyone and I truly do believe medication can help, but this was what was helping me not survive, but finally thrive.
Eventually I just hid the unopened prozac bottle in my basement as a reminder. Prozac will be my rock bottom if the day ever comes, but even if it does come: life will still be manageable. In the past two months I've been promoted to head manager at work, aced all of my college classes (while juggling a full time job :D!), made some incredible contacts for my future career (I befriended one of the head guys at discovery channel during a lunch break), became addicted to the gym, broke up with my boyfriend (something I've been meaning to do for months now) and am still on good terms with him, and even found closure to my ex-bestie abandoning me last year.
I feel great [and look great ;)] and I still definitely have bad, overwhelming days, but I've found my focus. I'm healthy, confident, and more assertive.
I'm moving forward with my life. I have a future and it looks pretty awesome in my head. Who knows if I'll ever achieve it, but if it's helping me drag forward with a thunderstorm in my head; then I'm keeping that hope.
I sincerely hope this post encourages just one person. I'm still struggling, but there's certainly always hope in unexpected areas. If my spark came from a Prozac bottle, then I'm sure you'll find yours :)
