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Wow. Way to redirect!!!! Impressive. So glad you are able to do that for yourself. I think that is something to really be proud of.

Sounds like you are definitely stuck in s flooded cycle or a body memory flashback kind of thing. When that happens to me I often feel like nothing is working and freaking out about the anxiety makes the anxiety even worse and then I get stuck. I don't know if it is as important to figure it...

@void it is brutal. That is four hours a week regardless of how I use them. Mostly I do two 2hr sessions. one hour was just enough to destabilize me before I went home. I'm not the best at grounding. I will go to three hours a week in June. This year will be better. I only have to pay a $5,000...

I pay $1600 a month. I pay up front and then three times a year I get partial reimbursement from my insurance company....after I meet a $8,000 deductible. :( My paycheck covers my therapy only. Thank goodness my husband makes enough to pay the bills.

Thank you so much @ladee i really appreciate that. My mom had a much worse childhood than me as well. I'm surprised that she survived as long as she did. My mom was great at times. We were just more than she could mentally handle!

Same for me. I sometimes feel guilty talking about her in therapy. I hope she forgives me for drudging out the family secrets.

@Saria thank you for the link to the book. I downloaded it as soon as I saw your post. I am learning so much about myself. The weird thing is that I sent my therapist a text asking if he had read this book. He had just ordered it from Amazon and it is supposed to arrive at his house today so we...

Yep. I used to wake up soaking wet and change clothes in the middle of the night. I have always had some of that but it was getting bad. I recently had a hysterectomy and I am back to baseline with them so my doctor thinks the hormone imbalances exacerbated the night sweats greatly. I started...

I wish I could have more control over those things and choose but I don't. Every time I try to stuff something and not go near it until a better time...I've found I will pay for it in other ways....nightmares, dissociation, sickness etc. It just bubbles up whether I want it to or not. I can...

He did not have brain injury though! Sorry you kind of got a double dose of it!

Gotcha! I think you would still like it. The psychologist that wrote the book shares his experiences from a brain perspective after he got hit by a car. I found it fascinating.

I experience this as well. I can visualize my parts I know what they look like.....what they sound like...so I can see them but when I switch...I am looking out through their eyes...don't know if that makes sense. I dont lose awareness completely. I can feel myself fading almost into a...

It sounds like the situation was insane but your response to it was a common one. It is amazing what we can survice and do to keep from hurting our children!

When you have to hit rewind on the TV three times because you can't remember what the person on the screen just said. Geez sometimes it takes me forever to watch something.

Yes! This!

You are at work and you can't find your keys...you know you had to have them to make it there...you spend an hour turning your office upside down....and then go to the parking lot...only to find that you not only have left the keys in the ignition.....but you left the car ON and running for...

I got worse before I got better...no one told me this....I found that it was common on here....I asked my therapist why he didnt tell me and he said he did and then showed me a piece of paper that I had signed saying that I understand therapy often aggravates symptoms in the beginning and the...

You might be interested in reading Peter Levine's book "In An Unspoken Voice" He is a a leader in the world of trauma treatment....He says ptsd IS a brain injury so no need to seperate really. I learned so much from that book about myself and about PTSD.

@Girlgirlgirl I wanted to ask you about your orginal post. It kind of reminded me of a question I asked my therapist in the beginning. I too have Ptsd and DDNOS. I have parts but am not considered DID. But one of my grown up parts is a list maker and a job tackler. which is great for me...

I kind of think that even though all of us on here have very unique and individual situations...I would think that shame is the one thing that most of us have in common and can relate too. I am riddled with it! I have very very slowly been working on it in therapy. It cuts pretty deep so I...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I am so overwhelmed by walmart or any other really big stores....too much sensory overload. I have recently been numbing less and less and I gotta say the happy things are feeling better and better. I didn't realize how much I was missing out on....but I am...

@Muse i totally get that. I went through a period of time after I dissociated quite badly during a massage that I felt extremely exposed. Im so lucky my massage therapist has done a lot of inner child work and understands dissociation and parts to some extent. We worked through it. It also...

Absolutely. I have seen it and experienced it myself! My massage therapist will sometimes say I think you are feeling stuck here...if you are up for it you might want to look into what that means for you. we don't talk before our sessions. She is almost always spot on.

@Pencil Thank you for responding. Actually I have read and reread and read again enough of your posts to know that you do understand! Your thoughts on therapy and comfort and therapeutic touch gave me the courage to work with my therapist in that way. I am serious when I say that! I didn't feel...

Thanks for the suggestions!!! I will definitely look into them. I don't have DID but I am pretty far down the dissociate spectrum and have parts. I would like to learn more about it because I also feel like even my T can't really "get" me. He is great but I just want to know more. We use...