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Wow, that felt good. It was good typing it out and sharing it here. As I see myself abusing my father, I remember how I felt when he abused me. It gets me down to a pretty basic level. I'm really starting over at that point. I'm a child of clay again. And with my turning-of-the-tables scenario I...

Go to the person who put you in therapy and ask him/her for more info.

Cut off the head. That's how you kill it - you cut off the head. Why should I dwell on the bullies and the teachers and the other kids' parents or the bosses and the authority figures and the bureaucrats? Why not concentrate on the one person who did the most damage - the one who was supposed to...

I'm the worst one to give advice. I can't keep my head on straight for five minutes. But my rational mind knows that we don't owe them anything. They're supposed to teach us. They're supposed to make us functioning, functional adults. It's like when someone gives a gift. A true gift is never...

I have the voice. After a few months on lamotrigine it finally kind of left. I still wasn't fully functional though, so I pushed the doc to put me on topiramate too. And now ----- the voice is back. It's unrelenting, and I just try to avoid it...to no avail. I can't even concentrate long enough...

While it is nice to empathize with how we socially awkward may feel, the standing too close and singling you out should be taken as warning bells, and I regret if I have led you to doubt them. With your initial post, he seemed absolutely harmless, but at the same time I always believe one's...

I know this type of scenario well...I always feel outnumbered

(btw, I am 47 and though my childhood was horrible, and was the cause of my condition, things seemed to have righted themselves by my early teens. Then everything went wrong when I was 16. There was nothing specific. Things just turned to shit. With my foundation it was bound to happen at some...

Thirty-plus years of getting nowhere...every once in a while feeling embarrassed by my username but always returning to the realization that it fits...not even finding enough of a reason for living to find a focus for this diary. It's not worth it to go into my history. I started typing it, but...

Regardless of your mother's motivation, it's not helping you, is it? You need to tell her in no uncertain terms that she needs to tell you. Do you want to get better or do you want to make your mother happy? [ Hint: once you get better, the making her happy part comes automatically :) ]

I have my share of painful memories, but there were three huge ones that only came to me in dreams. In all my soul searching and mind scouring, I didn't even catch a glimpse of these. And then they just popped in out of nowhere. They came at times when I wasn't even in therapy; times when I...

I'll gladly risk reprimand and just say it: the thread seems bogus

Maybe the "creep" posted this somewhere: How do I deal with young ladies at the office who act as if I'm a creep? I'm much older than they are, and of course that's not my fault. I have to earn a living after all. I have done and said nothing inappropriate to any of them. In fact I try my...

The stress of planning out and carrying out therapy can be a huge trigger. It can become an entire facet of the illness. In fact, just having the idea that you may need such intensive therapy can be a symptom of your illness. It's almost a catch-22. We are expecting ourselves (who can't easily...

I got mine from a therapist once. I didn't really like reading them though and threw them out before finishing. If you're sure you can handle whatever might've been written about you, then go for it. If you're not sure, then don't. It can be certainly be a trigger, especially if they misquote...

Your mind wants you to go there and set things right. You're an adult now. You are strong. If it's just too scary, find a therapist to guide you. Baby steps. You can do this!

I avoid like crazy. I can't do things and protect myself at the same time.

Did you ever tell him about the debilitating inner conflict you go through when deciding whether to email him or not? I think this would be a great thing to tackle in therapy. It can be a win/win. If all goes well, you'll not only be addressing how it affects, you'll also find out how it affects...

I think there are various gray areas as far as what is rape and what's not. If you come back and read this I'd say that it doesn't matter what you call it. I felt bad for you while I read it, and I felt you were certainly violated. It is what it is, and it's bad whether it's called rape or not.

I never believe anyone who claims to have blacked out. It's the oldest lie in the book. It's the coward's way of trying to deflect blame. I say put him under sodium pentothal and then see what he remembers.

That's it right there. Acting on the urge.

Agreeing to disagree yet making a flippant remark ^^. That's pretty immature. Plus, I could've just easily said the same thing to you. smh

And if we act out, who do we hurt? Ourselves? Our families collaterally? And what about those with pedophiliac desires? Who do they hurt if they act out? With them there are direct victims. That's why they need to be treated with kid gloves unless and until they act out. Though your use of...

No one is a "pedophile" unless he/she acts out. I find your view not only unfair, but dangerous as well. Labeling people by what they think rather than what they do will only send them in a downward spiral. That's not good for anybody. No one can control what they think and what they feel...

I'm under the strong impression that around 85% of them do not care one bit. They are victimizers, plain and simple. I'd say 10% of them convince themselves it's right on some level. And 5% of them are horrified by what they do but do not (I will not go as far as to say "cannot") resist. And I...