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I really didn't realize at the time that that's what I was doing. I realize now that I should have posted elsewhere or replied directly to abstract about her reference to me. I'm not only new to this forum, but forums in general. Thanks for the heads up..

Shannonstrong- I commend you for standing up for yourself. Even just breaking the silence to give voice to your true feelings is a step foward, in my opinion, regardless of her response. It's not her response that matters, really-it's the fact that you know in your heart that you spoke your...

Thank you so much-my reply to Brucielucy extends to you, as well. I've never told my story before-to anyone. To be accepted despite it, is indescribable.

You can't begin to imagine what your words of acceptance mean to me, and what weight feels as though it has been lifted from my shoulders knowing that someone who "knows" believes I'm not to blame. Words fail me. Thank you.

I hope you'll take some action reflecting self-care soon, shannonstrong--if only out of a need for self-preservation. No one can go on for long, much less forever, with the feelings and in the situation you're describing on the forum regularly. I know. I went through a very similar situation...

Many thanks

The last thing I want to do is invade a space in which I'm not welcome. And as my history is not of what would probably be considered the "usual" variety of sexual abuse--I'd like as much feedback as possible: not only whether others with experience with therapist-diagnosed cases of sexual abuse...

Abstract- I did want to add, by the way, that while I understand that the purpose of your msg was one of comfort and hope-that my history does, in fact, include a number of the items in Criterion A: Expectation of imminent death, including physical attack (choked unconscious-expectation of...

Crazytrain-I'm not sure how you're defining "Alternative Treatment". That covers a lot of ground. There have been studies related to both Equine Therapy for trauma-related symptoms, as well as "Rescue Animals" as therapy for same (which I think in the opinion of most would fall under...

Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughtfulness, Abstract. I'm really only at the beginning of my journey, I'm forced to admit, and not only in need of educating myself as to the particulars of diagnoses-but isolated due to a rural location, as well as my symptoms-and without support of...

Thank you for telling your story, Brat, and in such detail. I'm so sorry for your experiences, and family abuse and rejection! You may not think of yourself as resilient, but to have endured such abuse over such a long period, and to keep getting up in the morning, is a triumph in itself! Many...

I second the posts from Solara and Hashi, especially. It's great to reach out here, and other places where people are sympathetic and have a frame of reference for what you're going through. I commend you on that. But that's only the first baby step. I think all of us avoid rehashing painful...

Action-of whatever kind works for me at the time. Which meant, first, beginning to turn outward, rather than inward-in exploration of the world, rather than withdrawing, as I had been since youth. Everyone else was in the process of "turning outward", establishing boundaries, challenging...

You are obviously a sincerely caring soul to have such a commitment to someone who has behaved as you describe, because, as you say, you "see who he is inside". But that being said, I would encourage you to read as much on PTSD as possible, to educate yourself. Not only will it give you more...

I don't know all of your history, of course-but it honestly sounds to me as though your spouse is not only one of the leading factors preventing you from moving on, but is re-traumatizing you, compounding your symptoms, and depression, by not only insuring your isolation, but by viewing you as...

It sounds like your symptoms are severe. Please remember that it can change, and get better-if it's addressed. And the sooner, the better. Studies have shown that while trauma is recent (ATD-"Acute Trauma Disorder), if it's discussed at length with a trusted listener, it lessens immediate...

If you experienced enough stress, you could suffer from PTSD. PTSD is not just a psychological disorder, it's a neurophysiological, neuroendocrinological disorder: When we suffer from enough stress, our brains down-regulate our gluccocorticoid receptors (which respond to stress hormones), and...

I'm not familiar with your story-but recent theory says that one of the key factors in PTSD is betrayal-betrayal of a loved one, or the betrayal of the world through betrayal by institutions, like the police and courts, which seem to reveal the world as a dangerous place, instead of the one we...

I don't know your history, of course, but I have to wonder if you had a rejecting father-too often we unconsciously repeat the experiences we had in childhood, leading to self-defeating behavior of every kind...simply because that's what we're most familiar, and therefore comfortable with...

I applaud you for sharing your true feelings here. It's all too easy, instinctive even, to just "shut them off", in order to get distance from them and not show your true self, in order to avoid being called "weak". But it's just the opposite. It takes strength to admit to overwhelming feelings...