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No but after that day I was even more determined to end the suffering. So the next day was going to be the day I killed myself. The problem was someone actually noticed I was depressed. I couldn't answer I was so shocked that someone actually cared to listen. They hugged me and told me it was...

I talked they called mom and mom came up. She acted all calm and collected. Afterwards we left the school. Then she demanded to know why I was there and what I said. When I refused she kept yelling at me (one of my triggers) and (I was very suicidal at the time that's why I seeked help) I...

My school reports anything out of the ordinary. I'm not going to risk it. Already tried and it ended badly.

My mom believes that her by herself can solve my problems.

I am not allowed by my parents to have a therapist, psychologist or counselor.

Probably not. They just say to not look at it.

So, my day was great until my last two class periods. We were watching a war movie. People were screaming in pain and bombs were going off, etc. It only slightly bothered me, but then came last period. The feeling sick to my stomache and struggle to breathe carried over. In my last class...

Just my mom. Lots of things soothe me: Rain, music, tea, learning, a good book, sitting up high somewhere and just processing things. But, as for what helps me survive it? Absolutely nothing. I hide in my room until I am forced to leave. Strength? I would say that I just tell myself it's not...

Lolz. Read my profile. I am way to booked with my own personal studies to get a job. Can't legally live on yot own here unless your 18.

~Shattered~ 1) It's none of your business What I've been through You lost that right When you decided You mattered more Perhaps I made the same mistake [Chrous] From the first punch, first word I lost my innocence Who am I? I'm not the best or the worst (Just dying to find out) Can I survive...

~Lonely~ [Intro] Why do you stand on your own? The reason you're so cold? Listen I'll tell you why You've disappeared Don't want to hear the excuses All these..disposable friends Expectations of society I know what it's like to be lonely When your surrounded by a crowd You feel So...

Sleep. Someone to tell me that I am enough. That all these fears don't matter I am stronger than them. For someone to say that care and stand by me not run away when it gets hard for me.

I don't seem to be able to find help on Co-dependency sites. They're centered on Co-dependent romantic relationships and for me it's friendship, strangers, etc. I'll try Co-dependency anyonomous though. Oddly enough the anyonomity makes me not want to go there. Even though we have that here too...

They're too busy to shoot me a text or call to say that something is taking up their time but, they still care. So, I believe that it's my fault. They haven't called because I wasn't kind enough or didn't say interesting things. The instant they return and respond my whole world seems to be back...

NPD covert sounds like me honestly. Should I get tested for that? I do tend to be very judgmental to people and though I deny having low self-esteem (I just cringed here at typing this, doesn't feel right saying) there are moments where I admit it because of vulnerability. When I see people poor...

I just ignored the trauma for 6 years. But, I'd say around 12 yrs. old so, 4 years after, I started showing major symptoms. Social anxiety. Panic attacks. Inability to sleep. Flashbacks and Paranoia. Isolation from people. Thoughts of suicide. Angry attacks on people at the slightest criticism...

What's EDMR? I love the PTSD polls forum. So much fun answering questions.

Many things keep me up one of them being my fear of darkness. The other is my paranoia that someone is waiting until I close my eyes to attack me. I close my eyes and try to block it out. But, all I see are flashbacks. Before I know it I am on high alert. Turning on the lights and searching...

This is why I avoid people.

I am unable to wake up during a nightmare so, I am scared to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see it happening again. So, instead I just stay up until exhaustion kicks in and I fall asleep quickly before my mind has a chance to think about it.

Thank you so much for your response. As for private messaging I think I've expressed all my doubts and self-hatred all in this one paragraph. Unless you want to help keep away these thoughts then I don't really see the need for private messaging.

Well I'm 16 so I live with my mom and her constant blaming. Can't get my own home, or anything.

There are days where something as simple as saying you don't like something about me can set me off. But, it's not like I can hold up a sign saying, "I have PTSD." And even if I did they wouldn't truly grasp the concept. Friends leave because they don't understand my sudden outbursts. It seems...

I sleep with the suicide hotline under my pillow and always have a light nearby to search for intruders at any sudden noise.

Yes. My happiness seemed to depend on whether they talked to me, or were around. I sacrificed anything it took to make that person happy. Every year I have one person that becomes the center of my world and every one else ceases to matter. This cycle I began to notice when I met people who...