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That sounds a lot like derealization to me! (That's a kind of dissociation. There are a lot of other kinds too, I have a more severe kind, but "parts of me" experience derealization and/or depersonalization.) I would look them up in some kind of official diagnostic criteria for those types of...

Thank you @grief I have no concept of what all that must have done to you. I am glad you came forward and I’m glad you’re here. Not in regards to torture whatsoever but Its a similar normalization thing with me with being abused in therapy for decades. Rape is a hard word for me to use when I’m...

also thank you so much for NOT attacking me but instead being very measured with your reply. I’m struggling with this conversation this morning. Because heck, isolation really can drive people out of their minds and *in a sense* I do consider involuntary isolation to be inhumane. But you’re...

Point taken Completely. It FEELS like torture when you’re a little kid. I tried to make the disclaimer that I was way too tired to be posting. I was also on my night meds and very upset/triggered about something unrelated. I’m very sorry if i offended anyone. I don’t usually even post under...

I am too tired to make much sense but isolation without hope of relief can literally break you, break your spirit. That’s why solitary confinement in prison is (theoretically) reserved for only the most sociopathic violent criminals. It’s inhumane and I consider it a form of torture. Humans are...

Just wanted to say thank you. I was in a really dark place the last two nights. Today something very unexpected happened (it could either be a huge distraction and a bad thing or a really good thing and a lifeline). I’m so-so today. My child parts are active and self harm has happened several...

Do you think two people who each have CPTSD from lifelong trauma can be in a successful romantic relationship together and if so under what conditions? I’m reconnecting with my ex boyfriend who I broke things off with in October because we both needed to focus on ourselves. We are both sexual...

I’m overwhelmed. Nauseated by something I read and verified on the internet that suggests that I was in fact subjected to sexual orientation/gender identity conversion therapy although it was not called that and I did not realize it at the time. I wasn’t even a teen. I was a vulnerable adult...

I don’t want to get into why I know this right now but your T’s behavior is NOT OK. 4 months is barely any time at all. I have worked with some of my former therapists for as long as 10 years. I completely get that therapy and health insurance are treated like luxuries by the healthcare system...

I do have a regular therapist and a Somatic Experiencing trauma therapist but I can’t call them outside of sessions. Believe it or not that solid boundary helps me feel safe and forces me to use coping skills. My adult therapy is full of unethical and abusive therapists, who encouraged me to...

I’m currently tapering off Trilafon (perphenazine) which is a typical antipsychotic versus Abilify which is an atypical antipsychotic. I had a misdiagnosis of schizoaffective for 13 years and was on pretty close to every antipsychotic (typical and atypical) that existed at that time. 2ish years...

Gosh I want to argue with you so much right now just scream and rage about how completely and totally FUBAR and unlovable I am and always will be because I was born that way and there hasn’t been a day in my life (literally, not even as a newborn) that there wasn’t some kind of trauma as a...

I’m not sure how much longer I can keep fighting, guys. I’m losing my mind at my safe mom over the tiniest things. I’m discouraged that I have to be hospitalized. Again. It’ll be approximately the 35th time in my life. I’m unreasonably frustrated that the referral process takes this long. I...

For what it is worth I think if you are an adult that has at least one child part (I have a few that I know of) I would argue that you can definitely be abandoned as an adult. Emotionally or physically. I do not have the horrific story that others on this thread do but I have had many older...

Thank you for your straight up honesty. My sister taught me this week about “healthy self harm”. Yeah I stared at her in disbelief too. But she showed me. You pinch the muscle (the thick part) between your thumb and your first finger. Hard. Kind of similar to that acupressure point that is...

Oh I can relate. My parents were psychologically abusive and my mother was coverly/emotionally incestuous but they both looked so good on the outside that if anyone on the outside looked at my family (including a few family therapists who actually did!) anyone on this forum or anywhere else...

Thank you everyone who responded. I’ll try to respond individually later. I just wanted to say I really appreciate all of you and your support and thoughts on this matter. I was treated for self harm in a very punitive old fashioned way and it just heaped a whole bunch of shame on top of the...

Thanks…I almost don’t think it matters exactly why. You know you need to get away from her and that’s the important thing

I’m 37. I think you said your in your early 40s. When we were in our 20s PTSD was barely a diagnosis and CPTSD was unknown. I made a similar mistake, I mistook severe dissociative symptoms due to CPTSD for hallucinations and delusions and honestly who could blame either of us. The terminology...

Ok guys I’m not doing great and I’m still brand new here and finding my way around so if I say anything too bad or messed up just tell me ok? I have been having pain much of today, I have not had sex of any kind in I think 7 years, very much by choice because I’ve been flooded with trauma...

I am truly truly sorry that I feel compelled to write this post and potentially trigger you a lot while you’re possibly still having a very hard time, but in reference to your OP.. My mother committed covert/emotional incest with me that bordered closely on overt/sexual incest. She did not ever...

You make some really good points. After the flashbacks I had today (somatic and emotional, no visual) I am pretty sure I “know” enough to go about getting unstuck. It’s the dissociative nature of my brain that concerns me because at any moment something random could set me off (what I do not...

100% relate. Except for me it’s something *I* did in response to severe trauma in every area of my childhood, and trying desperately to get out. What’s even harder to tolerate (for me) is a month or two ago I got up the courage to post it on a different ptsd forum and I wrote this long post and...

With the Rexulti last night I went to bed feeling drunker than a skunk even though I haven’t had a drink in many years. I think I woke up at least 6 times last night, and every time I was really *really* angry for some unknown reason, I had been dreaming about enragedly screaming “I hate you!”...

I actually also take 100mg of Seroquel purely because it is the only thing that allows me to go back to sleep after nightmares. Nothing else works because of my ADHD. My NP didn’t increase the quetiapine I guess because when I was on more I slept 18-20 hours a day. I have a very longstanding...