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Four months ago I moved to a different city, taking a job that doesn't offer health insurance. My health insurance didn't really cover mental health well anyway. Mental health covered by insurance often has to follow a therapy that is evidence based, which means it is cookie cutter, not client...

Me too. You deserve compassion. I know there are some places in this world where compassion is hard to find. Doesn't mean you don't deserve it. Been there. Sometimes I am just trying to keep my self from falling apart. When I quit drinking I slowly lost it. That was my medication, after...

My mom past away a month ago. I’m still grieving. She was my primary childhood abuser. However, she did a lot to recover, and made some significant changes that made up for her past craziness. It's been about a month since I've been to an AA meeting. I need those meetings. My drinking was...

I have video games. They give me a sense of accoplishment, but take me away from people. With people is where I feel incompetent. I don't like to "compensate". I think of compensating as doing what is second best in order to survive. I want to have a real life. Being in a sport where you...

My first therapy combined religion and psycology. They thought they could make me better through a religious type awakening. It was way too intense and I totally lost it. I saw about 10 different therapists before I found one that had a program that worked. Some had bad processes, some were...

I find that BS goes away in stages. It used to be that when some BS left I thought it was done. You are a strong person to live in BS and still be a good, caring compassionate person. I think the term BS should be added to treatment manuals. For me it's very useful.

I have flashbacks of flashbacks. I has flashbacks as a child and dissociated them because as a child I couldn't handle the flashbacks. Sometimes new stuff comes up, some new combination of flashbacks, memories, dissociation and emotional flooding. Weird stuff. The human mind is complicated...

Wow. You are doing a lot. That's good. You are really working hard at this. The last few pieces I put together in my recovery from PTSD have been really simple. I wanted to think they were complicated, but they are not. That's me, always over complicating things. That's how I have...

I have to be kind to myself. When I don't like where I am I need to leave. That's easier said than done. When I'm alone and having flashbacks I can freak out and no one will see. When I was having flashbacks at work I basically had to push it all away and robotically do my job. When I was...

I treat the term PTSD as descriptive. This is easy since I don't have legal, financial, disability or relatonship issues that can turn it into a lable. You will find that most people on this forum avoid lables. Welcome to the forum.

My dissociation is like watching myself on TV. I like your description of the 5 second delay: I also find it hard to describe dissociation. The words just aren't there. I understand it this way. They are hidden in the trauma that originally started me dissociating.

Welcome!

I'm trying to look at myself and my world as honestly as possible. This is hard when the flashbacks get heavy, or when I'm exploring something from my past that doesn't want to get looked at, when I'm financially strapped or when I'm in conflict with others. I've been sinking into self abuse...

I've had therapists tell me similar things because they don't really get the power of the trauma. Maybe its some sort of test to see if it's really a problem. If you let it go, it's not trauma. If it crawls under your skin and is attached to your soul, then it is. Mostly, I have to take an...

That's funny. Me too. Welcome to the forum.

I'm 54 and have pretty much done what you are doing to cope when I'm at work. What else can you do? It's getting better, though. I found a few really good therapists who have helped me fit in even with PTSD. The best therapists let me take it at my pace, know when I'm overwhelmed and...

Angry, numb, afraid, numb, grateful, numb, proud, numb. Boing - boing - boing.

I can relate. Glad you are here. Welcome to the forum.

After a while (more than 5 years) I forgot that I have visible scars. Other people don't forget. They notice, and it makes a difference in how they treat me. Oh well. Scars are part of who I am.

I see self-importance as the one defining quality of a bad therapist. My current therapist says her approach is client-centered. I think she says that because she doesn’t want me to feel cornered. At the same time, she has some deep seated ideas about what helps. They include ideas of...

That's what people say when they don't get it, or are in denial. It doesn't sound like you are in denial. Welcome to the forum. You will find people here who can relate to what you've been through.

I know that a child has needs. Those needs can be undermined when a child has to assume adult (or infant) behaviors, duties, roles, or is asked to be an adult companion, friend or comforter. A child's needs can also be undermined when he or she is interacted with in a way that normally would...

It's tricky. I've talked to my last 2 therapists about it and have gotten some understanding of my situation. I don't like the idea of DID, as I want to have control, and as far as I'm concerned DID means I'm not in control. It's an embarrassing and stupid problem. I'd love to call my...

A. 7 - This should be as bad it gets for tonight, unless I have nightmares. B. 10 - Duh. That's me too.

I try to keep the worst stuff out of my journals out of fear of just that happening. I also have terrible handwriting, which is another layer of protection.