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A very moving poem @laurie71 Thank you for sharing.

I keep reading the report from the Trauma Doctor. I don't know why, I think I just cannot believe it. Some part of me is thinking "What you went through wasn't that bad, not PTSD worthy." I want to deny it and push it away. I keep hoping I will just switch back to normal and that this isn't...

@KP the nut I try to make a joke if I realise I am doing it, the problem is that we all work with animals and spend our days reading their body language it makes us more sensitive to human body language to so they all pick up on the slightest of reactions where others perhaps wouldn't. I am...

I remember fighting them, I tried so hard but I remember also the moment I stopped, when my body and mind gave up. That terrifying point when you realise you can't stop them only lay there and hope it is over soon. I know I turned my face away, I couldn't bare to see them do this to me. The...

I survived. I spoke to my Doctor about work and how working helps me but that they were worried it makes me worse so she wrote on the note that I am better off working than not. The meeting was much more positive than last time. I went in armed with my fit note and a small part of the report...

Thank you everyone. I'm half an hour early for my doctors appointment because I couldn't sleep so I'm going to sit in the car and practice my grounding techniques. For once the doctors is the lesser of my worries for the day.

All along I have tried so hard to keep going but today is too much. I have a Doctors appointment this morning and then straight after that I have a meeting with HR. I am in such state already even the dogs coming for attention is too much. My heart is pounding. I just want to disappear...

I'm so story @mytai the sudden loss of any pet is awful but under these circumstances is even harder. The decision to release them from their pain is the hardest one we ever have to make for out pets. You were strong and made the right choice. No one deserves to die alone and in agony. I...

I don't want to get up today. My anxiety is sky high, I don't want to get out of bed. If I could just curl up in a ball and disappear I would. Even the dogs can't bring a smile this morning.

I keep recalling the moment they grabbed me, the second their hands seized me and dragged me in to that room. The smell of them and the sound of the door shutting behind, the faint click of the lock sliding in to place. I remember their voices but I can't seem to catch what they are saying...

The HR person is also the CEO and I don't really trust her. She treated me quite badly last time we had a meeting but then she caught me by surprise as I had not expected such treatment, this time I am going in prepared. I really worry that if I take one of the others in with me she will deem it...

I don't have a therapist yet, I am on a waiting list so I don't have anyone to ask sadly. I agree with you though @Leanne1 about feeling far away. I can completely understand that happening under such situations @FindingMyself88, thank you for replying, your insights have really helped.

I received my report from the Traumatic Stress Service today. I read it but the very first paragraph details, in brief, what I have told them of what happened. I have never seen it written by anyone else before and it has taken me a long time to calm down from the flashback that it triggered. I...

I have found lately that I am struggling to remember conversations with people, even if I have just had it. Sometimes I will remember if something nudges my brain in to it, for instance I had forgotten about being told the BT engineer would be coming out to the house today until he showed up...

I will be getting a new fit note from the Doctor at my appointment just before the meeting. My current one just gives me the option of going home if I need to and working in isolation if I need space. Neither of which I really use very often as I find just having them there makes me feel ok...

I'm terrified, the last meeting did not go well... More can be found here on that - https://www.myptsd.com/threads/just-lost-my-support-network.41602/#post-675845 It's not until Thursday. I am doing better at work not but I will be on my own in there as well as having to run the place on my...

@kmatel710 You can do this, we all can. Even in the darkest places hope can be found to get out. I have had several very dark moments of late and I have reached out to others for help, they have responded and helped me see there is more to this life yet. Suicide is not an option for me as I have...

I just told a friend I was raped. She actually said it was a relief to know because she had assumed as much and this took away the questions. I feel so vulnerable right now.

It is not unusual. I too fought my attackers, I fought tooth and nail until eventually my body just went "enough, you cannot stop this." I hate myself for giving up but I realise that at the same time there was no way out. I was exhausted and they were determined. It is not your fault and...

The morning was good today, the new volunteer is lovely and settled straight in. A friend also came up to volunteer, she is someone I really enjoy being around but she is tiring in a chatty way. By the afternoon I was struggling, I kept feeling like someone was kicking me to the point I nearly...

I cannot say I am afraid @kmatel710 I am at the beginning of this journey. I hope I may get to a point where I can manage it and survive day to day although I am doing ok at that by myself for the most part. I wish you luck, this is a great place to find support to start.

I am very fortunate in that I have been referred straight away to a specialist trauma centre by my GP. They are the place for local veterans and are very experienced with PTSD. I am currently on a waiting list to begin a course on PTSD and grounding techniques before starting therapy with one of...

@Notsowild I am sorry you suffer with unkind people at work, I am very lucky as most of my colleagues are very understanding and supportive. We are a small team and it is clear there are some who aren't comfortable about discussing it with me so we have a mutual respect and avoid the topic, I...

My brain has roamed in and out today. Nothing exciting but a definite lack of concentration for the most part. I did manage to eat lunch, I had toast and I am currently heating the oven up for dinner. I am still not eating enough but it is better than nothing. My manager pointed out to me...

I am glad you liked it @Hope4Now :D