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@Supervixn You nailed the situation .Thank you!

I've checked on her to see how she is and gotten short responses of "busy". Trust me, I've asked. In fact I probably over-asked. I get really anxious sometimes and keep checking on people. I'm sure it's obnoxious .

@illusionist I would like to be at that point.

@tracy jones Sister wives! Lol. :roflmao:

A few years. Sorry my initial post was so vague. I was having a difficult time processing. I was also trying to be succinct, but I guess I was way too much so ;) I think some form of closure would be nice, at this point. Or new expectations for the relationship that are not as close.

@illusionist I don't believe in one-sided relationships either. In fact, I actively sought ways to meet her needs and be a friend to her as well.

@She Cat I should clarify that I never expected her to BE my mother necessarily . Yes, she does have nurturing qualities and I'm drawn to them. Learning to navigate relationships and keep that at bay is tough. Do I think it's her responsibility to say she's not my mother. No, I don't. I'm not...

It happened again. I attached to a mother-figure and confided in her. I became vulnerable. Knowing my propensity to get close to women and want to be loved, I asked that she let me know if I ever put too much on her. She never said I did . But she began feeling increasingly more distant and...

Just an update for everyone! I wish I'd have done this sooner. Shortly after the offender was released this past year, he was caught smuggling drugs back into the prison. Sad that a drug charge will certainly pull more time than multiple rapes, however, he should be going away for a LONG while...

Oh my goodness! I hadn't thought about that

Thank you both for your feedback. It's disappointing to know that I may always have the capacity to tap out unexpectedly. Ikea is overwhelming, but it was hard to believe that I had barely stepped off the escalator before starting to sweat. :confused: I appreciate knowing other people have a...

Once the indicators kick in, it's a fast train to faint and/or shit uncontrollably. I'm afraid to let it go that far so I pop a pill as soon as I feel tingling limbs and hot flashes

Today I was at Ikea with my best friend for her bday. We'd just arrived, I wasn't stressed or feeling pressured. All of the sudden I feel the hot flashes and tingling in my limbs. Another freakin panic attack coming on. I hate them. For many reasons . However, I go into a pass out and...

I had it done, and it was extremely helpful to narrow down the best drugs for my situation. I went from Zoloft which was a complete bust, to Lexapro that helped with anxiety but plunged me into deeper depression, finally to Pristiq which has been a lifesaver and gives me more energy than I had...

@Multitudes Thank you for your response. It is certainly good to know we are not alone. You are in good company here my friend.

I don't know how to have normal healthy relationships (friendships, not romantic). How are boundaries defined? What if they hurt me? What level of vulnerability okay? Do I have anything to offer another person? I don't want to talk about me and my feelings too much. Maybe I shouldn't speak at...

Where would you go? Just curious

Had a terrible scare the other day where I feared losing control and taking my life. I had a couple feasible ways to do it and felt like I couldn't stop myself. Out of concern for the potential ER bill, I chose to do my best to sleep after a Xanax. If you've ever gone to the ER for a similar...

@Sietz it was terrifying. It crossed my mind to head to an emergency room, but I couldn't handle the thought of the bill later. It was like I was sure I'd black out and cut too deep or grab our gun and pull the trigger.

Last night I was watching a movie with my husband when I suddenly started feeling this terrible fear that I was going to lose control of my mind and commit suicide. I am not actually suicidal and it isn't what I want. It was this awful feeling that I was going to do it and had no control to stop...

I grew up with an extremely emotionally abusive mother. Dysfunction was my normal. I was parentified, and talk to as though I would never be enough. More recently, I've discovered that my husband of five years has been talking down to me in the same way. I'm upset with myself for not realizing...

I'm so sick of myself. I'm sick of anxiety. Sick of depression. Sick of being so unsure of myself. Sick of feeling alone and unwanted. Sick of trying to resist self harm. I don't want to feel so anxious anymore. I can scream. It hurts. Need relief.

Thank you guys for all of the suggestions. They are all very helpful. I feel alone a lot, so it's good to talk with others who are living through similar things. :hug: (hugs)

I have hope to live these days. Back then I didn't think I'd survive into my twenties. My biggest challenge now is facing and feeling emotions without trying to numb them through self-harm or alcohol. What concerns me is when I start to hit the point of impulsivity, and I wonder if I'll turn the...