Search results

I'm really sorry to hear that, that happened to you.

Me too. I'm still trying to sort it out.

Thanks for the reply. I'm not at the place where I can love myself, yet. So I make it look good on the outside, just so no one will reject me. Every push up, every calorie counted, every expensive article of clothing, means nothing to me. Its just to keep from being pushed away. I'm extremely...

Been there. It took me 42 years to face it, and its not easy, but worth it. That pain festers inside and kills us from within. Don't live with it alone. Welcome to the forum Brenton

I feel guilty for being so needy with my therapist, who I have deep mommy issues with. I told her I wish she was my mother. She handled it well, didnt shame me, or tell me it was wrong. She explain transferance in a way that helped me understand that its not her I love, I'm just placing that...

I was in a really bad place a few weeks ago. And, as it always does, its passed. I know it will return, but I'll do what I always do, cope, cry, pound my drum set, journal. I've been dealing with depression long enough to know that no matter how it feels, I do not really want to die. I just dont...

Acting out, especially sexually, is destructive and only makes you feel worse. But I completely understand the need to feel used, to relive it. I dont fool around any more, I'm faithful to my wife who adores me, and just this year I told her about the sexual abuse I suffered. I never thought I'd...

Hi there I did realize its destructive nature, so I did cut it out 15 yrs ago, but I did it all for the affection - not the sex. I gave myself away just so they'd spend time with me. Its good to be around people that understand

I feel you, I really get where you're at. My situation is one of deep transferance; I love her like a mother, and its hard to separate

I feel you, especially on the calming down before you leave. It seems like you're just getting somewhere and the hour is up. I book longer sessions sometimes and cover what insurance doesn't. Its not cheap, so I cant do it a lot. But sometimes I need a longer session. If your T is willing and...

Dont let it crush you, you didn't do anything wrong. Find another T. I've been with mine for almost 2 years because I'm that traumatized, and it takes time. A therapist knows when someone isn't trying and when someone needs time, so find someone compassionate, who wont make you feel rushed to...

This is the best forum in internets land: real understanding, real sharing. I love it here, and I'm very reluctant to share anything.

Last year when I was in the midst of unraveling I wrote a frenzied story about a guy who was where I was and it got published. I named the main character after myself, and most of the story is based on real things in my life. I'm about to publish book number 2 in June. I'm a magazine writer and...

Hi I am in therapy, and its good. We're peeling layers, carefully and productively, and I trust my T - she's a great person. But, its not easy and it does bring things to the surface. We're not spinning wheels, we're getting somewhere, but its hard. Thanks for the reply

How many, of those here, sexually abused in childhood became very promiscuous adults: To deal with the pain? Because being someone's sex object makes you feel normal? Because being loved makes you feel weird or uncomfortable?

Hi all My childhood trauma has been becoming more clear over the past year and this weekend I remembered something horrific. I'm having flashbacks along with feelings of dread, like something is going to happen to me, or the need to hit something, lash out like you would if you were in danger...

I do, almost exactly where you're at. I turn my pain inward, because I can't put it where it belongs, and I get panicky too, like I'm going to freak out. Like your T said, this is learned behavior, something the people that hurt us, somehow get us to believe is right. Don't hurt yourself over...

I've done the sex with strangers thing, feeling like an object, and it feeling right. I now understand what it was, but I needed it at the time.

I've done this with women, let them treat me like shit because the familiarity seems right. I don't understand where it comes from, but I too need to be hurt to feel something. I have a hard time being loved.

I'm triggered whenever I see a mother and son together and the mom is being kind to the boy. It makes me want to snuff myself, the pain over what was taken from me is so horrible. I understand the power of triggers and I empathize. I've had panic attacks just seeing parents being kind to their...

Our abusers program us to hate ourselves so we don't put the blame where it belongs, on them. You're not a Whore. Some sick person taught you that, let your T teach you to see yourself differently. Dont let your abuser continue to hurt you by making you hate yourself.

I can relate.

I go to the gym and spend $100 on jeans only to avoid rejection, not because I care. I spend a lot of time and money on my appearance, but I'm a wreck inside. I learned early that sex means love, so I believe that if I'm not attractive everyone will reject me, including my wife. I'm one of those...

I tried the ideal mom imagery, but its not enough. I need physical presence. But, I know it won't work, and won't do anything but hurt worse, so I dont act out. I really have mommy issues for my therapist. I'm older than she is, but she's at that ideal age. I wish she was my mom. But, I'm not...

Excellent advice