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I am taking Effexor and Wellbutrin. The medications help me not have such dark, low days and therefore, I do not self harm anymore. I was having a very hard time controling that urge without medications.
My level of functioning is high (Master's Degree, work full time, married mother of 2)...
Just so you know, your post actually sounds like you have a good grap of the terminology. I am sorry you are being triggered so much and having so many flashbacks.
I have also always had ptsd, so I understand your frustration with the wording of some of the articles out there. I see therapy goals more as being the healthiest person that I can be. In doing that also the best relationships and communication skills that I am capable of developing.
I struggled with feeling like a bad person a lot. Two statements helped me: your behavior was learned from your role models, and you are identifying yourself with your abuser. Those two statements helped me not feel like a bad person, but an abused child.
I also can understand all of the feelings you are expressing. Please share it with your therapist. I ended up going on medications when I felt that low.
I am so sorry that you had that experience and it triggered flashbacks for you. I know how horrible that is. I hope you have been able to tell your roommate and will be brave enough to tell your therapist. Be kind to yourself and take care of that terrifies kid.
Welcome to the forum! I am glad to hear that you are starting therapy. You have made a HUGE step in your healing just to admit to yourself (and others) that you are scared and anxious! Congratulations and good luck on your healing journey.
One of my close friends, stated that she does not understand why people just can't get over the past. That one really hurt, and I just don't talk to her about my therapy.
I would carefully and honestly examine why you want to tell her. A diagnosis does not make it real in the face of denial. It just makes you the "sick" one. Be careful that you do not getretraumatized by not getting the reaction you are expecting.
Please try not to think of it as failing. Trust yourself - your brain - that you need to be protected from something. EMDR is tricky with multiple traumas depending on how much they have already been processed with other stratoes first. Take care of yourself!
However you decide to proceed, be self aware of what you want to do. If you choose to do something for one of them, be aware of it and take care of yourself and honor your feelings about your own decision.
I have been doing EMDR for a year now and my biggest suggestion is to drink a lot of water and just trust your brain. Our brains are just magnificent how they protect us and let us heal too. You may get a headache or tingling feeling during the process and feel tired that day and the next day...