What's Going On... How To Get Out Of This Numb State

[wolfie205]

I still have no idea what's going on. I know I have PTSD but sometimes it's really difficult to recognise when I'm in a flashback or when I'm dissociating or when I'm just being hypervigilant or paranoid. Half the time, things happen and I have no idea what's happening to me. I feel like I'm going crazy.

Last Saturday, I had a family gathering which I think triggered me. I don't even know what happens when people get triggered so sometimes it's hard for me to know when I'm triggered. It wasn't like I had a panic attack, it was just really intense emotions, like all I wanted to do is cry, self harm and kill myself. Then there were all these memories that kept flashing through my head and I couldn't stop them. Everything was setting me off. Someone starts singing or someone says something and it triggers all these different memories in my head. It went on for quite a few hours. Just before bedtime, I couldn't take it anymore so I drank a little. The alcohol helps slow down my brain a little and numb all the intense emotions but the only problem is this, the alcohol has worn off but I've been in this really numb state for the last few days. Like I don't feel anything at all. In my last therapy session, every time she asked me what I felt, I said I didn't know because I really wasn't feeling anything. I don't know if I'm dissociating or not. As far as I know, dissociation is when I space out, when I lose track of time or when things start feeling unreal... My therapist doesn't really talk to me about symptoms so I have no idea what's going on right now. What am I supposed to do now to get out of this numb state?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think I experience something quite similar. When I'm triggered, I have a lot of the same symptoms that you do. To be honest, it's easier to tell people I'm have "anxiety attacks" when it's actually more of a flashback. I do this because people understand anxiety more than they do a flashback, plus if I say it's anxiety, the question of trauma doesn't arise.

After the intense anxiety, my body/mind just go numb. It's a protective mechanism. Honestly, I don't view it as a bad thing, as I've also had times where the flashbacks and anxiety don't seem to ever end, and that is much worse than numbing out.

I don't see these periods of numbing as dissociation per se, as dissociation feels a bit different to me. It's only my emotions that are shutting down. I don't feel detached from the world in any other way.

 

[greenleaf]

I read under a psychological definition of dissociation that it's an inclusive term; numbing is dissociation, but we definitely need better words for these things!

 

[arfie]

I think of "triggers" as a connection to a volatile mix. It may be connected to my rage, tenderness, interest, anxiety, dissociation, or whatever. The trigger is only what sets IT off. The trigger does not create the mix. The trigger does nothing if it is not connected to a volatile mix.

Once I have arrived to a dissociated state - family gatherings trigger them in me, as well - appreciation seems to be my best way out of them. I look around my current environment and look for little things to appreciate. A pleasant texture in my fingers. A ray of sunshine through the window. A taste on my tongue. A pleasant smell. A beautiful sound. Whatever. Just something that lets me enjoy my senses in the here and now.

Hope you find what works for you, wolfie.

 

[WillyKat]

Maybe it doesn't matter what terms you use. You have a reaction to stimuli because of have a condition related to past trauma. Let the terminology and labels fall away and leave it be. Now these things may matter when you try to speak the language of a clinician, but in the grand scheme of things, they are all somehow reminders of trauma.

For example, maybe something you saw or heard triggered a flashback which caused you to dissociate. To a clinician, those are distinct things but down here in reality, its one big steaming pile of crap.

My advice is to focus less on terms and focus more on how you handle the big picture. Imagine all the anxiety and stress in a large bucket you have to carry. It's full and sloshing out right now, so put a valve in the bottom and let it all start dripping out.

Hope that helps.

 

[Marf]

Just so you know, your post actually sounds like you have a good grap of the terminology. I am sorry you are being triggered so much and having so many flashbacks.

 

[Barconian]

I read under a psychological definition of dissociation that it's an inclusive term; numbing is dissociation,

I see dissociation as my mind escaping to another place. I see Numb as my mind has nothing at all