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I'm starting to realize that for me, eating issues are deeply ingrained in the PTSD part of my brain that is self-hating and only knows an abusive world. I often have these images involuntarily flash in my head, or in my dreams, where I am emaciated and weak, just skin and bones and barely able...

Thanks @DMerish and @D123, not sure how to move this but if need be please advise. Thanks.

I thought it would be neat to start a music thread with the songs that people use to either cope with their PTSD, calm them down or ground them after dissociating or a flashback, bring hope, understand their emotions, or any other way that music helps them through their PTSD related struggles...

Good post. Identifying feelings is a constant struggle for me, thanks for prompting these thoughts and giving a healthy, important challenge. Throughout today I felt... Numb Controlled, manipulated, and mistreated (though I was not, I incorrectly perceived this from my wonderful boyfriend)...

@Tiffylatuff please feel welcome to private message me anytime you'd like about specific things. I have been so very grateful for the support and understanding from others when my painful, irrational emotional outbursts hurt them. I want to help others have the opportunity to overcome this and...

Hi @Tiffylatuff, welcome to the forum. What a beautiful manifestation of your love for your husband to join this forum and try to understand the pain he is going through. It sounds like his pain is also a very real and painful strain on you, too. I wanted to respond to your post because your...

Wow, @Promicarus , thank you so much for such an insightful post. You hit on some things that I didn't even realize I experience in a very intense, habitual manner. Especially the using painful, albeit familiar habits to avoid confronting the real issue, and the shameful feeling and...

Sigh. This is me, too, @therisa . I'd like to know the answer myself someday. Eating issues are cryptic and (for me at least ) have a habit of being annoyingly subconscious. Being thin as a child/teen earned me attention, respect, and seemed to reduce my abuse (or so I think from my cluttered...

I have had similarly embarrassing neighbor issues. Unfortunately with my complex PTSD flashbacks I experience anger and intense painful emotions that are only alleviated by self harm and breaking things. In my first week in my new apartment my new next door neighbor witnessed me smash my cell...

Yeah it sounds like you're dissociating. Your therapist probably knows that, but it also might be helpful for you to tell her that you are aware that this is happening, and ask her what she thinks - talking through it a bit rather than wondering might help you process what's happening to you and...

My T always tells me this when I dissociate or cry or have a flashback (one of these things happens in nearly every session). He says to just let the emotions come and don't try to push them down. I don't even know how just "let them come," ha. I am trying, though. He is helping me be mindful of...

Ha, I could have written that sentence! I've been doing a lot of writing, and sharing with him little by little. It's still extremely difficult to even share stuff and have him read it. I actually had a flashback episode just because he offered to read it. It must have been the fear of...

I used to feel exactly the same way - confused. I have memories from ages 4-10 yrs old of my mom dragging me on the ground by my hair, shoving soap down my throat, kicking me down the stairs, swearing at me, calling me vulgar names, and beating me and kicking me repeatedly while I lay in the...

How do other people manage the insurmountable task of identifying perceptions vs. reality of how you are being treated, with complex PTSD?

I like that perspective. I thought about it that way in therapy today and it helped a bit. @mytai - I wrote an elaborate letter today, but was too emotional after having a flashback today in therapy to show it to him :-( We did actually end up discussing a few of the things in it, though. I...

I have been seeing my therapist for about 6 weeks now, and in those 6 weeks have learned that I likely suffer from some complex PTSD + depression. So far he really seems to understand what I'm going through, seems to know how I feel before I even fully realize it, and even handled me having a...

Sigh. I've been in that dark place too. It's true that it feels like a living hell. Glad you're working out. Enjoy that Celtic music. Is there some new Celtic music you can discover? More things to write about? Keep at it.

Bummer. I hate those days, sorry you're feeling that way. Can you go out and run? Scream into a pillow? do pushups? Write? Get it out somehow?

Thanks all for the thoughts. It's such a strange feeling to not really experience hunger very often. I'm realizing, much through this post, that I actually am engaging in many of the same behaviors I did when I had an eating disorder 8 years ago. The only difference is I don't have hunger pangs...

Therein lies the problem: knowing what constitutes "disordered" after these behaviors were encouraged by my abusers for so many years. I think these problems are deeper than I realized. Sigh.

It probably sounds insane to you when I say that I truly cannot easily see what is happening to me. It sounds like it's so obvious to you guys. I don't aim to put you all in the position of responsibility for "rescuing" me. I often do not understand why I feel certain things, or what my emotions...

@Abstract thanks for sharing. Sigh, I wish I could answer your questions. The truth is, I am usually not able to understand how I feel when it comes to my deeper problems, not yet at least. So my answer won't be "complete." All I really know is my past anorexia/bulimia was rooted in feelings of...

I haven't explicitly told all of this to my T this yet, but I plan to. I have had so many other issues that were in need of attention first. I'm not usually hungry, I just either feel "empty" or "full." It's strange. Food just isn't interesting or very tasty anymore. It's also possible that I...

I wonder if anyone else has had this experience before.... I am a 26 year old woman with C-PTSD and depression. My episodes cause vomiting episodes a few times per week and a generally stressed feeling in my stomach most of the time. I suffered from eating disorders from age 15-18, alternating...

@JennJenn I think the recommendations vary drastically from person to person. For me personally, when I have a flashback triggered by something my boyfriend did, I want nothing more than for him to hold me very tight and tell me, sometimes repeatedly, that he loves me and that everything will be...