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Thanks for listening. I'm so sorry you went through that. :( That's reassuring. I do have a therapist. I was having bad suicidal ideation at the beginning of this week so we had two double sessions this week. It didn't help much. I stared for a while and then found an app called MoodKit that has...

Severe depression is just really f*cking hard. It's been so bad this week. I made a promise to myself and my boyfriend I wouldn't commit suicide, but I still called a suicide hotline yesterday because the thoughts were so persistent. Suicide is so appealing to me. I usually keep going for...

Wow, it's weird that comes up as the second post. Thanks.

I didn't realize you don't accept PMs, but I wrote this (abridged) letter to you. I already like and accept you for who you are, a wonderful trauma survivor, who, like me, has a hard time recognizing your good qualities. I respect you because you're working so hard to reach out for help and...

This breaks my heart to read. I like that you shared how you feel "Welcome me!" and "Help me!", because it's sort of an indirect reaching out. I hear you, and would be happy to help you. I have a really hard time with suicidal ideation myself, and sometimes find that helping others takes my...

@Copper Princess , it's so encouraging to hear you made cinnamon rolls yesterday! @JadesJewel , hearing how bad the symptoms you're experiencing after therapy really made me feel like I'm not struggling alone. I experienced much intensified depression, flashbacks, and suicidal ideation after my...

Oops, I directed the "I'm really sorry about your loss" to the wrong person. It's been a rough week, but I am feeling better. I thought about how I often think I don't deserve things like food and sleep and stopped internalizing what my dad said. My therapist suggested we not do prolonged...

I feel the same way today. My body is so heavy. I guess it helps knowing I'm not so alone; the internet is great in that way. Thankfully I took a semester off from school and most of my work can be done from my bed. My most important work is probably learning how to rest and deal with how I'm...

@IamFree, I used to have no boundaries myself. My therapist at the time told me I was codependent. I learned everything I could about codependence and started going to CoDA of my own accord. For me, it was obvious what people I had to separate from, as my mom, dad, ex-boyfriend, and another...

Thank you all very much for replying. I looked at this post after finals and did end up choosing rational decisions right after I posted it by distracting myself for a bit and letting myself do poorly on my finals instead of studying (which greatly increased my suicidal ideation). I've still...

Pretty familiar. It's here right now. I was actually just writing another post: Today has definitely not been the worst day I've ever had, but it hurts. My therapist has cancelled on me four of the last five times we've set up an appointment. Only one time was it her fault, and she's really...

I do have parts of me that want to die, though. When I'm in a bad mood "I want to die", "I want to commit suicide", and "I want to kill myself" all run through my head. I am at risk then, yes?

@Bloomy , I had transferred schools in response to the second sexual assault to a school of only 800 kids and really didn't know anyone there/was pretty isolated. I went no-contact with my abusive father. I did CoDA for a bit because I read social support is as important to health as exercise. I...

Yep! That happened to me in April this year. Since then, I stopped being afraid of men, became able to plan long-term, got practiced at consistent self-care, became able to feel safe in many more places than just my room, became able to talk about my trauma, developed a huge support system, and...

You go, Glen Coco! It gets better from here. :)

I've had really intense suicidal ideation this week, and I've gone down dark paths before, so I sought help and took a bunch of preventative actions. My therapist and I set up an appointment for today, but she hurt her back right before it and is on her way to a doctor. I'm feeling a little bit...

Do you trust anyone at the moment?

Thanks, @Sweetpea76 . That was a really valuable perspective. I definitely don't hold him responsible for my life. I'm so sorry about your grandfather. :(

Thank you so much, everyone, for getting back to me. @Sweetpea76 , what do you mean by isolation periods? I haven't isolated myself since that awful period of depression when I was 14. I just looked it up and I didn't know it, but passive suicidal ideation is still a high-risk scenario because...

Hi. I'm experiencing a bit of confusion. I see how my symptoms are affecting two people close to me. One had to live through me going through a very suicidal phase and one night even checked on me to make sure I was still breathing since I take sleeping medications that could easily be lethal...

Thank you both, these were really helpful responses. *giant hugs* @Justmehere, I have heard of the stress cup theory. However, when I read it, it seemed more like an explanation for the loved ones of someone with PTSD. I never realized it was a warning for me. I'd hoped the actions I was taking...

I've made a ton of progress in the past year. I used the Feeling Good Handbook to reduce my chronic depression; started seeing a trauma specialist, increased my medications; met the love of my life; participated in a sexual assault support group; went no-contact with my dad for 9 months, then...

I apologize for taking so long to reply; it's been a crazy couple of weeks. @JAG, I love what you said. It's essentially what my therapist told me to do. She said it's reasonable to feel scared in a parking lot at night in a high-crime part of LA as a lone female, so staying in bright light and...

Oops, forgot to press Post Reply. I'm sorry your hyper-vigilance extends to others and that few people are sensitive to your distress, @sun seeker. That sounds really scary, actually. @Ragdoll Circus, thank you for explaining that! I definitely recognize when I'm feeling distressed. What I'm...

I'd never heard of SUDS before. What's the purpose of noticing them? Is it to try and decrease your SUDS in the presence of the trigger over time? Can you explain why/how they help your recovery?