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Nevermind, I had enough credit left on iTunes gift card to buy it :). Thanks for the tip!

@falling_wave I am looking into the mood track diary, thanks for showing me that. It says the private one costs so I may have to wait on it. That is a good idea though. Yeah, thats what I tried telling myself today. My BIGGEST fear is becoming like my mom. I tried telling myself that by...

Thank you @falling_wave :) It really helps me to hear from some of you who have/are kind of going through this. She has been kind of pushing me to try journaling more. I am such a perfectionist and it has been REALLY hard for me to allow myself to feel emotions because when I was a kid it was a...

Thank you @gizmo :hug:.

Thank you @Justmehere :hug:. It is tough just thinking about it, but I'm trying not to think about the fact that I have 2 weeks lol. She asked me to journal (whether through art or written) a little each day. Being back in school helps and I've been going to the gym a lot. Trying to be a bit...

Well I saw my T today and she said she thinks it is time for me to stretch my "coping" muscles a little and go 2 weeks between sessions. 3 months ago I would NOT have been okay with this at all, but surprisingly I am pretty calm. I AM doing better. I've had no flashbacks or nightmares in two...

@Maze thank you. Yeah I've been volunteering at the humane society since October, and then training my service dog. Dogs are so healing for me. Thats why I am exploring a career in them!

I could've written this post myself. I woke up barely able to move this morning because my back muscles were in spasms.

((hugs)) I can so relate. I have issues saying no and also saying what I need. So my T is always asking "what do I need?" You WANTED to say no, that is a start. I think like others have said, us victims of childhood abuse and stuff of the like were never allowed to say no, or if we did it was...

Thank you @seedling I am hoping for mine to do that too. Just having some cash to be able to go out with friends, or buy me something every once in a while will be nice. Plus I will be trying to save a bit back. @Solara Thank you and congrats to you as well! I am sure I will :). I use to...

This has been a BIG eventful last week or so. I finished EMDR pertaining to the rape, went out with friends 2 weekends in a row. This past weekend it was NOT easy and in fact induced several panic attacks, but I did it. I have been going regularly (3-4 times a week) to the gym. Just making steps...

:hug: I can't say much because I feel the same, but :hug:

So today my T said I am almost TOO enthusiastic about healing LOL! She said where most people are saying "I'm not ready yet!" I say "Why aren't I ready yet?!" She has noticed its to the point that I get frustrated when I am not seeing progress or enough of it, especially with EMDR. She says I...

I'm home. It was crazy for a bit taking down old bed, putting up new. But finally its me and Bristol alone in my room. I am finally coming out of dissociation a bit, but still on edge. Threw up 2 times :(. Now trying to focus on room. All of this was to make my room a "safer" sanctuary for me...

We did just pull over for a second. It didn't help :(. I need my service dog, but she's at home because we didn't have room in truck. Ughhhhhhhhhh

me and my stepdad are on the way home from visiting grandparents. I'm having some pretty bad physical flashbacks where I feel them, don't see them. I want to puke :(. I just want to be home out of the truck. I need air but my stepdad doesn't want to stop. I am not comfortable enough telling him...

Wow.. very insightful. I can relate, all to well. Although I have never thought about it like that before.

Thanks everyone, I was exhausted when I got home so I curled up in bed with Bristol and crashed. It went okay, I got through it! Everyone was nice, but I am still so awkward. Thankfully everyone had their own "dog" conversations going on, so it was pretty much me, my friend, and her best friend...

Thank you @KwanYingirl they are dog trainers but not service dog trainers. I'm just so nervous! If it was only a couple, maybe??? But then again more attention would be on each person. So maybe I will blend in?? If I don't have my back to the wall I am going to be a nervous wreck. I do NOT like...

so in like 2 hours I will be going out to dinner with a friend of mine with like 10 other people. I have not done this since the rape. Friend is my dog trainer friend who has helped me with Bristol, but also is helping me by allowing me to be her assistant to learn more about dog training since...

Yay @seedling that is so awesome!!! Glad it helped you .

Thank you @silver2014 Eck! @KwanYingirl I could not either! I am use to the atmosphere around my T's office. It is downtown which is where my university is and when I have classes on campus, I am use to walking around. Horses are about as high as I fall off of, and thats not intentional!! lol...

@seedling yes, that is what I do. I see my T twice a week when doing EMDR. What you describe seems common. My T always says the EMDR keeps working even after we leave the office. It stimulates both sides of our brain to process the trauma. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is difficult. My T...

Yay! I too have had EMDR twice this week, Tuesday and today. Tuesday I felt great afterwards, just exhausted. Today I am not sure how I feel, EMDR was more difficult today..even though running with my therapist did help :) kudos to us both for doing the hard work!

@KwanYingirl yeah you might regret the breaking dishes, but hurling rocks into the ocean would be good! I felt silly at first, but it really helped. Thank you, I am blessed to have her. I could not do therapy work with a male, so I think you are brave. I can understand why he would be hesitant...