First Time In Over A Year!

[FindingMyself88]

so in like 2 hours I will be going out to dinner with a friend of mine with like 10 other people. I have not done this since the rape. Friend is my dog trainer friend who has helped me with Bristol, but also is helping me by allowing me to be her assistant to learn more about dog training since that is what I want to do.

These other people are all dog trainers. So it will be great to get myself out there, but my anxiety is through the roof!! I would take Bristol, but I think there will be another service dog there and she is not ready for that yet.

I am on a new med for social anxiety so I plan on taking it, but not until closer to time.

Normally when I go out with parents I also ask or make them ask to sit against the wall but I can't do that tonight. Ughhhhhh! I SO don't want to have a panic attack in front of all of them :(.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Good for you!!!! This sounds like a great group of like minded people. You know dog lovers are super special. And if they train service dogs, then they're extra special. You won't have a panic attack because you're going to take your anti-anxiety medicine. They work. You have worked so hard to get where you are and you so deserve a night out. Bon appetite!!!!!

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you @KwanYingirl they are dog trainers but not service dog trainers. I'm just so nervous! If it was only a couple, maybe??? But then again more attention would be on each person. So maybe I will blend in?? If I don't have my back to the wall I am going to be a nervous wreck. I do NOT like people coming up behind me. Surprise is a huge flashback trigger for me!

 

[KwanYingirl]

I get that. We're easily startled. I can't even stand that there's an extra chair in my therapists office. I can see my abuser out of the corner of my eye sitting there staring me down as if to say-don't tell. Can you ring up your friend and ask her to help you snag a seat by the wall? Or claim a chair by putting your jacket on the chair in case you get cold? I don't know where you live but it's like two degrees outside my door. I'm already in bed with my hot corn bag and Annie.
By the way, Annie seemed cold in my new place so I got her a few wool knit sweaters for her. She loves them. If I take one off, she tries to get it back. She sleeps with one on. And I think she was pretty uncomfortable for awhile before I put it together and my clients all day mentioned how much she looked healthy! I'll be looking for your post tomorrow for all the fun you're going to have tonight.

 

[seedling]

You can assess the situation when you get there and you will be with our friend. The medication should kick in. Your highest anxiety may be this anticipation. Can you do something now with Bristol that would help? It sounds like you have a good plan in place for the night out and it's a safe group of people.
Good luck and have fun :)

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@FindingMyself88 WOOF WOOOOOOF :bookworm: (this one is for bookworm, but almost a dog snout, how to create one with a big old smile and the tongue hanging all side ways?) Or a big waggy tail?

My dog has saved my life, and given me a shield to be in public and interact. She was not service trained, but she was homeless and it was a win win. Public with a shield. Current goal I have been trying to work into is small animal related work. Courses I am studying are for acupressure. PTSD seems to mess with my memory. Not the hands - my hands feel energy imbalance hot or cold, slight trembles, and have helped a few neighbor dogs heal while learning.

Would like to know what your dog training pals think of Monks of Skete method.

We bring out the best in each other, and she is teaching me to be open to trust.

Belly rubs!

 

[shimmerz]

Seriously, what a huge step for you! Whether it goes off without a hitch or not, you owe yourself huge credit for this!

 

[Justmehere]

How did it go?

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks everyone, I was exhausted when I got home so I curled up in bed with Bristol and crashed. It went okay, I got through it! Everyone was nice, but I am still so awkward. Thankfully everyone had their own "dog" conversations going on, so it was pretty much me, my friend, and her best friend that was there. Her best friend is the COMPLETE opposite of me and my friend. We are both not social bees, where as her friend was funny and a chatterbox, so that helped. Ironically there was another dog trainer/daycare facility owner and her employees there though not with us and ALL of us hate her. She screwed me out of $175 and tried telling me Bristol could never be a Service dog. This was after she had asked me to come intern there. Yeah.. I have heard it is a very good thing it never happened. With dog training, your reputation is everything and I am glad mine didn't get a bad start with her!

Anyways it was going good until the waiter managed to sneak up behind me to pour water and he got too close. Thankfully we were right beside the bathroom so I was able to make a mad dash before anyone noticed the panic. Only my friend noticed but she didn't say anything except to ask if I was okay.

I stopped on the way home and got a chocolate chip cookie as a reward, then of course was greeted with excitement and love by Bristol when I got home. Today we are spending the morning curled up in bed while I watch Criminal Minds. Need to study and go to the gym, but for now I will enjoy laying here with her. The gym has been stretching me a bit too, but as long as I can keep my distance from people and keep my headphones in I have been doing okay. I did get startled really bad in the parking deck a couple nights ago. I was walking up the stairway and a guy came out of one of the doors real quick behind me and down the stairs. It threw me into flashback. But overall the new med is helping to deal with things a tiny bit better. They don't throw me over the edge like it use too..

 

[KwanYingirl]

Hooray!!! One of my adult traumas was being strangled from behind by a junkie looking for narcotics in the surgical area. I was in the way. It's been 35 years and it created so many phobias that I'm finally dealing with. My trademark ode to it is I cover my throat when I feel vulnerable or trapped. I don't even know I do it. And hyper vigilance. I withdrew from society and that just amped up my drinking. I'm proud of you to be using all the tools out there to reclaim what is rightfully yours. And now you want to live in the dog world-so cool.

 

[Justmehere]

Wow! Good work at getting through it all! I hope today keeps getting easier too.

 

[seedling]

What a wonderful thing you have done for yourself and your ability to live your life the way you want to! You even got the latest gossip (heehee).
Nice to have a good friend to help you keep your bases covered. And a great dog to come home to :)