Search results

I've pushed a lot of people away. He may say he thinks its best for you, but in reality ptsd sufferers push people away as a means to control their anxiety levels. He may just have too much going on inside his own head sometimes to carry on a relationship at times.

I think you're going to be just fine.

Yea, thanks. I've done a lot of grieving for the hurt of experiencing my childhood, but I guess I havent let myself feel the grief of how much of an effect its had on my life since then until now. Its really sad. I didn't deserve any of this. Thank you.

A lot of this rings true with me. I'm posting the link to a thread I made about some of my issues with people. You might find some interesting things you can relate to in there as it sounds like we have similar issues and thought patterns. I only really started to figure it out on page two, you...

This is just so sad. Its so sad that a beautiful kind caring intelligent sensitive curious loveable little boy would grow up to spend half a lifetime driving everyone away from him, making sure no one could love him because he thought he didn't deserve it. I wanted love so bad but I killed every...

Wow, I have had some realizations the past week or so. So I've come to view myself over the course of my life as not having failed at interacting with people and forming connections but as having succeeded greatly at isolating myself and keeping people at a distance. I say this because I can...

Yea, I worried that going to live out of my car maybe wasn't going to be best for me but upon further reflection I think it will good. I think it will do me well to just get away from people completely. I think it will really show that the old survival mechanisms have no place in my new life...

I've been thinking about this. I've been freaking out and beating myself up over the fact I am self sabotaging, and how crazy and out of control I am, but I've realized that's the wrong approach. Ok, so what is life telling me? Its telling me I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone too much...

Didn't take the time to read the replies, but how much water are you drinking? More supplements minerals vitamins etc youre taking in the more water you need to process it.

It will get better. Just keep working at it.

You feel this way because you grew up in an environment that made you have to feel this way to survive and endure. You're denying that anything you experienced would cause this because you weren't allowed to have feelings and they became a liability for you so you can't honor them now. It...

Some of what you've said is true but a lot of it is just not relevant to me. Thanks for trying. I have no relationship with my family or anyone for that matter. This isn't so much about not knowing hot to turn acquaintances into friendships this is about subconsciously making sure any new...

Anyone? My therapist isn't really helping me with this and I feel really out of control and helpless.

Ya know, I just realized I was actually much much better at socializing when I was 18-23. In some ways worse but I actually allowed myself to meet people and hang out with them without pushing them away. Really don't know whats wrong with me. I'm afraid I'm turning into my borderline personality...

I'm just so scared to let anyone close to me and I f*ck things up on purpose because of it and I can't stop. For as long as i can remember I've felt like I had difficulties socially that I didn't know how to interact with people. I used to feel like there was some secret code that peopel spoke...

Google 'emotional flashbacks' you get all the feelings of being back in the memory without any auditory or visual hallucinations. I know them well. You might not have those though, you might just have a lot of grief and pain that gets brought out by things that remind you of it. Once you read...

I've taken multiple less than year long breaks in therapy to process and put into practice things I've learned before going back.

If someone tried to enter my house with a gun I would shoot them too. I dont think the choice is always between living as a victim or living with having killed someone, sometimes the choice is between living or not living. Not trying to argue, just saying. Your assessment as someone with anger...

Wow that is some first rate HEAVY shit. My ptsd came from years of abuse, it never really had a start. While this has had its own difficulties, I cannot begin to imagine how hard it would be to have what sounds like a pretty wonderful life and see someone be able to destroy so much of it in such...

We give our abusers rather supernatural powers don't we? We view them as impossibly strong when in fact they were very weak, albeit powerful. I'm not sure I have any solutions, but I can validate what you're feeling and say its normal, and you're not alone. Many here can relate to that. I...

Hhaahahaha, if I could bottle it I'd sent some your way as well as stockpile a bunch for myself for later. I have not been feeling the same thing recently but I am sure I will again eventually.

Oh this is so true. So very true. I had never thought of it like that. I've thought for a long time my mother hated me because I didn't respond positively to her sexual abuse like I am pretty sure my brother did which hurt her feelings (she has narcissistic personality disorder as well). While...

Happiness terrifies me. I let myself feel it at times but its so different and strange, I just can't predict how my life will turn out if I continue to invite it in, I shut down and revert to old patterns of thinking. Its scarier than really any negative or trying things the world could throw at...

It is. I can't say thats the place I live in yet but I'm working on it. I still hate myself sometimes but thats ok. Thanks for the kind words.

I hope you used to love in south jordan too. Wherever we are we should love someone or something, ourselves at least!