Relationship Just A Little Frustrated As A Supporter.

[Sarah_1990]

So I apologize. I just need to rant a little.

I am the supporter of a man with combat PTSD and he has pushed me away for possibly forever. He feels that this is the best thing for me and that I deserve someone who is not messed up blah blah blah.

This frustrates me heavily. I know it is not their fault and I would never blame him or put him down, but it does not make it any less frustrating. No one could ever know what is best for me. I do not even know. I will learn that or feel that myself. All I know is that he makes me happy and I love him unconditionally and I would never leave. It saddens me more than ever that he is gone.

I am focusing on myself but it does not make it any easier.

 

[nursenurse]

It's not easy, and my heart goes out to you. When you care for someone, it takes a long time for the hurt to go away. No words of wisdom here, as you said you just need to rant. I understand how much it just sucks. Period.

 

[Sarah_1990]

Thank you. I am not giving up on him and I know he still loves me more than I understand. I am just giving him time.

 

[Red Dog]

As a sufferer I know all too well the guilt of feeling like you are burden on your partner, feeling that they deserve better, and you probably already know that it has nothing to do with you. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope he learns to accept your unconditional love one day.

 

[Pencil]

I love him unconditionally

To love unconditionally literally means that there are no conditions, no expectations, no need to have your own needs or wishes fulfilled.

You say you are a supporter, but he is not there to BE supported. That's clearly not what he wants. He seems to want to be free. I'm not trying to guess what it is he wants. All I can see is that there ARE conditions to your love. I'm not saying it is wrong, for I think it is extremely difficult to love unconditionally, but I think you need to be clear on that one. I know you mean that you love him with his PTSD, but you have to accept that it may or may not be his PTSD that now wants you to set him free.

If you love him unconditionally, let him go. Having said that, I have to tell you that I know how heartbreaking that can be.

 

[Loner]

I've pushed a lot of people away. He may say he thinks its best for you, but in reality ptsd sufferers push people away as a means to control their anxiety levels. He may just have too much going on inside his own head sometimes to carry on a relationship at times.

 

[Sarah_1990]

I am very clear. I love him unconditionally.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am the supporter of a man with combat PTSD and he has pushed me away for possibly forever. He feels that this is the best thing for me and that I deserve someone who is not messed up blah blah blah.

....

No one could ever know what is best for me. I do not even know.

I am a sufferer. I do and say the same things. Pretty much exactly the same. And, I'm told to stop doing it because I don't know what's best for anyone else.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. But, I'm glad you posted. It helps me see things from another perspective.

 

[discarded]

I know you say you love him unconditionally but does that mean you are happy for him to push you away? Does that mean it doesn't matter how he treats you? Of course it does matter. Each and everyone of us deserves to be an equal part of a relationship, PTSD or not. We all deserve to be respected and loved and not treated poorly. He isn't giving you a say, is that being treated fairly? He says it is best for you and that may be so, but he is doing what is best for him right now.

PTSD and relationships suck. Especially if it interferes with communication, especially if the sufferer is not getting treatment. It takes two of you to have a relationship and if one doesn't want it then it isn't going to work. I spent the last 6 years of my 28 years with my husband battling his PTSD and all it brought with it. Isolating, pushing me away, lying to me, cheating on me, his increased alcohol intake, his lack of communication. It took me to the brink of a mental breakdown myself. All the while it would seem he just wanted me to leave him alone.

I love this man, I believed in him, I forgave him for much of what he did, but my love was never going to be enough to overcome the PTSD and all that came along with it. You may very well have a better outcome than I have, and I truly hope you do. PTSD is a very hard thing to live with, both for the sufferer and the supporter. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to admit it just isn't working anymore if that time comes.