Undiagnosed Trust And Relationships

[Margot820]

Hi everyone! I am new to this forum and I am finding it helpful already.

I have trust problems with my romantic partners for as long as I can remember. My father cheated on my mother and dated a lot of young women when I was little. I remember always missing my dad and not having that male figure in my life all the time. My dad then remarried and had two more kids with his new wife. Although me and my father have a decent relationship, a part of me still always feels that I wasn't good enough for him to stay.

I went through a lot of romantic partners and long term relationships and always felt the best when I got attention from males. Right now I have been in a long term relationship for four years with a great guy. I am having a very difficult time believing what he says lately and I tend to start arguments when they are not needed.

Sometimes i feel like I am trying to sabatoage the relationships because I feel like I don't deserve the happiness. Anyone else feel this way?? Once I feel like things are going my way it makes me uncomfortable and not safe. I work on these feelings every day. A lot of the times I blame my boyfriend for things that aren't his fault and also make irrational stories up in my head about our relationship.

I hope to gain some insight from this website! I am looking forward to it.

 

[Bodacious]

I feel the same way about the relationship I have been in for 11 months now. He is a great guy but I am not happy for some reason. He is not abusive in any way, he has been with me this long, while I go threw my ups and downs with Bipolar II, PTSD, and TBI. I am all screwed up emotionally and in the head. I always feel like something is wrong with our relationship. I can not figure out why I just can't be happy. I know I am very insecure and I am constantly thinking he deserves some one perfect, even though he has told me he loves me and he is not going any where. Why can I not believe him? I feel like I am always a step from him finally walking away because I am always questioning his love and loyalty. All I do know is I do love him very much and do not see myself with anyone else ever and I would be beside myself if our relationship ended.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Margot and welcome to the forum.

Could I ask if you have been diagnosed with PTSD?

 

[Loner]

Happiness terrifies me. I let myself feel it at times but its so different and strange, I just can't predict how my life will turn out if I continue to invite it in, I shut down and revert to old patterns of thinking. Its scarier than really any negative or trying things the world could throw at me at this point which is bizarre and illogical but there it is.

i started a thread on this. If you go to my profile and search my started threads youll find it. Its called sabotaging myself or something along those lines.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[anthony]

Whilst relationships can be a pain in the backside, they aren't justifiable for a PTSD diagnosis. This is not a relationship support forum, it is for those suffering PTSD, which would require an abnormally traumatic event such as rape, torture, war, child abuse, etc.

 

[Bodacious]

I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To keep it simple I have been raped (5), physically abused (9 years), emotionally abused (16 years), Iraq, Afghanistan, all male unit in the Army, Ran over, back over, and ran over again by a man that wanted me dead because I did not have an abortion with our son.

I am new to this site and had no idea this thread was not allowed. I came here for support since I am struggling so badly with my symptoms for about a month now. Oh and here is the best part I haven't been on here since yesterday and just logged in to find out this is not a relationship support forum, which I feel is relevant for us suffers to discuss, since some of us do try like hell to have normal relationships of any kind.

I really was hoping this site would help. I needed it tonight after the day I had at the hospital with my grandmother on life support. She was one of my abusers and I love her but at the same time I forgive her but I feel nothing right now. Was hoping to find a thread on here for that. Guess I won't bother.

 

[anthony]

My above post was aimed at the thread starter... nobody else... just in case of confusion.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)