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oh i know! and yes it kept me alive but also hurt me while there and when got out just wanted to do it more and more reluctant to reach out. i perfer "person on internet" i dont really like physical people in person if that makes sense terrifies me anxiety is too much its exhausting. and no i...

when you have gone through most trauma by age of three that most dont even go through till much later its complex. by the time i was 3 i had died been in coma, attempted murder against me, sexual abuse...since 3 its just got worse physical abuse more sexual abuse being sold etc.... you hear...

i wish it was acute its been so many years over decade of constant fight to barely survive

i dont even feel like a person just a thing. im not going to say im ok but im here....

ive been hospitalized twice and it just seemed to make things . i try bathes showers coloring music youtube reading articles movies etc...its im just at a place where DONE seems to be the theme

right now cant think of much i guess one reaching out here i cant

no people to ring, and I dont know it takes so much energy these past couple days that i just dont have

so talking doesnt seem to help, my brain just goes down this path of suicide to point where actions of gathering things planning has kind of been autopilot. ive been hospitalized before multiple times on meds psych etc, and nothings seems to help, make a difference, its to point that its like...

im afraid if i stop ill give up, that will be the end

Its like im too exhausted, have you ever had such bad anxiety depression your paralyzed? if i take a break, stop, ill give up.

Any tips from anyone when it comes to just wanting to Harm self in ways like cut drink too much pills etc...... im just at a point where thing are too much i try to push myself but it makes it worse. ive been so broken for so long i dont think there is coming back from it.....

is it possible to be too damaged/ too far gone for help? is there such thing as too much trauma? what does one do when it seems like nothing helps? anxiety disorder major depressive disorder etc arent curable they are treatable but i dont want to fight them my whole life... ive already been...

26 im trying i just cant seem to and whats the point i try to talk explain but its like im speaking a foreign language or something I know jsut cant seem to do its like everything is telling me i rather die. ive tried them have to be very careful what i say or they just kind of seem to...

I use to but because of supervising issues she disappeared abruptly in jan. and i havent been able to really afford another one. Ive tried GP, school counselor, rape advocate....but they just dont seem to really get it....and how do you blatanly say that your are preparing to kill...

Has anyone else hit the time where the suicde, the plan and actions prepping become like auto pilot. You cant seem to stop? you keep packing keep organizing keep cleaning because you wouldnt want to leave a mess for somebody.... My house has never been so clean but its only because of S plan...

I dont know why its so hard..... director of accessibility services at school told me to reach out to her again if in this place, i dont know why i cant seem to get myself to, or to be honest.

if ones brain thinks i should probably go back to hospital.....does that mean i should go? the first time i wasnt very honest but its hard to be honest when you dont want to be trapped somewhere. i catched with crisis line today they ended up sending PD who called mobile crisis, i made things...

yes. And i see what your saying.

im just so tired and exhausted its not like life pauses. when i think about suicide every problem goes away the struggle pain financial darkness memories. and currently trying meds it just feels like im running out of time. suicide thoughts planning is too strong.

Why is it so hard to do what we need, scary? I dont understand why im so scared of that option....

I dont know what to do anymore. I was barely holding on before and now i have lost my therapist out of the blue. All i can think about it suicide and that its the right thing to do. its the only thing that will end the darkness and constant pain. I always feel like jumping out of my own...

im so sorry to hear youve been here, but i def get it. its liek a force that i cant stop and im just done and tired, its like i have no control even though i try. i have been "getting things in order" its automatic at this point

i just need to stop being afraid rains right i deserve help.

what do you do rain when things just seem impossible?

Thanks rain im doing my best, it just seems obsollete. I wish it were easier to talk about things but then it just seems so stupid because i know things could always be worse. shame and guilt suck. its not easy to get the help one needs. I do want to be able to live, i just dont know how...