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I had a time for quite a while ( sorry it was years ago) where every time I looked at my hands and saw my knuckles bruised the way they were before someone at school called my parents and they stopped hitting me at all. I had gone to school after using my hands to cover myself as I had yet...

@Tinyflame I never thought of getting help (therapy and meds) as an option back then either. Drinking seemed to be the answer to dealing with my symptoms instead. It just made it all worse and the urge to end things stronger.

No that's fine. I'm getting myself back from a bad weekend when this was very much on my mind because my emotional pain felt physical.

My first anniversary I got two rings for my smallest fingers on each hand. One is a tree of life to remind me I chose to stay. The other is a black version of the one ring from the hobbit. Reminder not to repeat the actions that brought me to choosing death over life. My " don't be stupid".

Eating dinner. I listened to an 8 hour stop binge drinking hypnosis last night. So far no desire to drink. Yes it's probably just putting a bandaid on things but some relief from the need might help me get perspective on why its a need right now. I have to solve the underlying problem which...

What would you like to know more about? And ill do my best.

Feeling like I need to go through the process I used to get sober again. Though I'm drinking non alcoholic beer and sparkling grape juice I'm feeling totally rattled again like I need desperately to detox because even though its not alcohol I'm still binging it. Told my husband and all he...

When you dissociate in therapy and your alcoholic fragment and neutral self are talking to each other. Exhausted now.

Yes. Mine is August 21, 2014. The first year anniversary I felt like I should be gone, but I'm still here. Its gotten better with time but it feels like yet another trauma. My mood goes down, feel the emotions I had around that time. My birthday is earlier that month buy because this was...

@Lionheart777 some situations you just need to say screw politeness. :) When your sense of humor takes such a dark morbid turn that instead of laughter there is silence and possible concern for your mental state. When people who know you have this ask honestly how you are doing and listen...

Just got back from nieces birthday. Talked to some of my husbands family who are on facebook with me and asked how things are after last weeks mess. Met my nephew's girlfriend and found out she has CPTSD as well. Told her about this site and that there is so much info etc here. The big thing...

Trying to put together a to do list for when I finally get a job. Wondering when I'd have the time for it all. I plan to change my name to a shorter form that doesn't cause a reaction. Find someone for edmr. Finances are tight right now so it has to wait till then. I want to eat better...

Yes I said I plan on changing it once I have a job. I do not have the money for it right now so I have to keep bringing it up. Doesn't feel like on purpose for most. It throws me off and screws with my concentration to get done what I went to see the person that did it for. I hate that...

Yes it was good. Found it on book bub. Was on their free or discounted book list.

Having some isolation time. I had to sign that my daughter and I are closing shop on items we did for a side job. Things didn't take off and we have to get rid of our remaining inventory. Its depressing that things didn't take off. I feel its even more so after last week's total mental...

Not sure where this belongs in forum. I have been experiencing a physical reaction to someone calling me by the long form of my name. I feel like I am being repeatedly slapped HARD across the face when I hear it. I have never liked to be called it and this has gone from just a "please don't...

When your brother calls to see how details are going for Halloween ( his daughter is coming to trick or treat with my daughter) mistakes you for your 20 yr old daughter and asks "is your mom there?" Then gets a loud f bomb filled rant about no f-ing way in h*'ll should my mother be at my f...

Hugs if you accept them Fozbear. Your situation reminds me of my father. He was like that. I know you want to work things out but I also feel that your situation isn't safe for you and your pup. You don't deserve to be treated like that and neither does your furbaby. Talk to your...

I had a flashback at my sister in laws Christmas eve celebration. Luckily I could feel it coming on. I took a benadryl because my anxiety med I'd a high dose antihistamine its derived from. I sat in a room by myself and had brought something to sew by hand with me. I ended up shaking and...

Oooh so happy for you! Hope you do well together!

When your husband asked you about an event before onset that your brain decided to toss out when trauma moved in and took over. And you have to tell him you have forgotten it. When your personality has changed enough that your husband asks who you are. Its like the me he met and married has...

Thanks. Feeling almost back to "normal". I had others who contributed to my CPTSD but was with them the longest and so many things happened. Telling friends a few years ago they asked why my parents hated me. Not like they would understand how their actions gave me this. Someday they will...

Trying to read a book on my phone but my mind keeps popping up some songs that remind me of back when I was a kid and is insistent that this unwanted soundtrack be put on repeat. Doing deep breathing exercise to try to shut it up. I give up. Not working. Will try listening to a meditation...

Watching young Sheldon with my husband. It seems like stability has returned after this past weeks meltdown.

Diamond in my pocket. A high school girl finds out she has cosmic powers and has to bring a diamond with a group to exchange it for others of her kind that were kidnapped.