You Know You Have PTSD When...

[Ellabella44]

When your husband asked you about an event before onset that your brain decided to toss out when trauma moved in and took over. And you have to tell him you have forgotten it.

When your personality has changed enough that your husband asks who you are. Its like the me he met and married has had all memory software rolled back to a much earlier and fragmented version.

 

[Ellabella44]

When your brother calls to see how details are going for Halloween ( his daughter is coming to trick or treat with my daughter) mistakes you for your 20 yr old daughter and asks "is your mom there?" Then gets a loud f bomb filled rant about no f-ing way in h*'ll should my mother be at my f... door.

Thankfully no trick or treaters were at the door at the time :rolleyes:

 

[Friday]

When the opening credits for a TV show are side screening military hardware and everyday items (rotors & ceiling fan, baseball & grenade, etc.) and my first thought? I’M NOT CRAZY!!! ....well. Okay. Total lie, that. But at least? I’m not the only one who superimposes exactly the same completely different items on top of each other. :cool:

 

[Lionheart]

When your ability to be bitingly sarcastic far exceeds your ability to follow the rules of politeness.

 

[Ellabella44]

@Lionheart777 some situations you just need to say screw politeness. :)

When your sense of humor takes such a dark morbid turn that instead of laughter there is silence and possible concern for your mental state.

When people who know you have this ask honestly how you are doing and listen when you say things went to hell last week but things are improving. My husbands family knows and I had posted on facebook (where some are friended) that I was not in a good place.

 

[Ellabella44]

When you dissociate in therapy and your alcoholic fragment and neutral self are talking to each other. Exhausted now.

 

[Ronin]

When your list of things to not talk about is longer than conversational topics one. :meh:

 

[Friday]

It must be moherf*cking November. :banghead:

Because that’s CLEARLY when we end 20 year friendships & own up to how f*cking broken we are.

 

[Ellabella44]

When you look at your you tube account which has mostly depression, alcohol, insomnia and ptsd meditations and you tube suggests you watch Pharells video for "Happy"
I laughed so hard. Like their bot that suggests things was like you ok? Let me cheer that right up.

 

[Ellabella44]

When you tell your therapist you suspect you might be a bit bi polar because of recent behaviors mimic onset of symptoms and she says how do we solve things like this. My response: with ptsd we white knuckle it. Luckily she knows I was joking.

 

[Ronin]

When... everybody has shit timing for their news, bored to death cheerfully changes to too fast and no chance for payback, and the best you can do is buy people's f*cking off.

The November's finally upon us :mad: :facepalm:

 

[Friday]

So I spent most of yesterday exercising my 9th best option... curled up inside a bottle of bourbon like a djinn in a lamp... there’s no school today, and at nearly 3pm my mother “informs me” it’s Veterans Day. :bored: As if I didn’t know. Also that it’s Monday. “Therefore” my plans for steak and beer for dinner? Are somehow wrong, because those only happen on weekends??? WTFO?

I think there’s actually SOME degree of connection with someone, some kind of mutual understanding / shared version of reality... and am reminded, yet again, nope. Clearly. I must be off in my own little world. I didn’t spend yesterday drunk, or today trying to get outside of myself. I’m just.., IDFK what the hell people think I’m doing.

Maybe I should just go see how much of that bottle is left, anyway. Or there’s probably rum around here, somewhere. 2 days in a row off my face, and then pretend it’s December starting tomorrow. I like December. It’s a good month. Or I think it is/ used to be/ might be.

ETA... :roflmao: I just read upwards... Yo! @Ronin ...December 1 starting tomorrow. Or there’s that lunar calendar tradition I can’t remember which culture practiced that the “extra” weeks in a year? Pure holiday. I’m not exactly sure when that’s supposed to be? But I’m thinking this year is practice, next year from Halloween to Yule. November can just fall off the edge of the map.