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Went hiking with a friend I've known for a few months today. She was talking about all these psychology TED talks she's been watching, and thinking about her own life and career directions, and wondering what to do about friends in abusive relationships. So I told her that I have PTSD and have...
When I struggled through my first marriage and subsequent divorce, it was really hard for me to feel anger and to feel or express desire, or what I was missing in my marriage. I went largely numb. For me, and I suspect lots of us here, we've learned to repress certain emotions that are coupled...
I've gotten better, but have a ways to go. The process was tough--things got worse before they got better, because as some of the repressed stuff came up, my fears went through the roof. I remember going out to dinner with Mrs. W and starting to cry because I felt so afraid of her. I remember...
Yes, I've told my therapist and in session we have looked at some of my posts. Since I had some highly dysfunctional acting out online in the past, we needed to be careful that this was a safe place for me (it is!!). I also talk about my interactions and posts in my journal, which I share...
I am waiting to understand better one day what it means to "be whole". I don't understand how to combine the Littles and my sexuality, for example. It's fine right now since they can go someplace safe while I'm sexual, but how does that work if I'm unified? I like the idea of "giving up...
Although I am really functional at work on the whole, I too cry at work. Most of the time, I'll go on a walk and have a cry by myself. I've also cried in the bathroom, and sometimes at my desk. Crying can really help me regulate myself when I express the emotion inside me instead of letting...
Twice in the past few weeks I have had an inkling of what it's like to be unified. My most confident and at-ease part, Lady, was present. I had a sense that all my other parts were in my mind and body at once. I could sense all their unique voices being in one place at once.
In one sense, my...
One of the lessons that I've learned is that when the Adult part tries to control things to protect the Littles, sometimes things go astray and it doesn't work as well as I would like. But that makes sense--if it actually worked, I guess I wouldn't need therapy!!
Last summer I had a bad spell...
I've had similar experiences when I've had to be an adult for an extended period. I used to think I was really anti-social when I need to go to conferences and then like being by myself and walking a lot in the evenings. Now, I am thinking it is my way of connecting with everyone inside that...
I have been working on this the past couple of years, and the process has been both hard and helpful for me. Here are a few ideas, in no particular order:
Go to a park or beach or playground and watch families. Which parents have a style that you like? Which parents don't? What do you hear...
Yup! I've had this, too. When you're in the middle of something big and want to get to the other side, it makes a lot of sense. Your numbness may not be denial so much as your brain's way of slowing you down.
I tried for many years to make a safe place, but my fears of being hit would just go right through the walls. I eventually succeeded when I started keeping a journal with a lot of pictures in it.
Little Wendell has a safe room. Originally, just like the train platform in Harry Potter, there...
I'm glad that works so well for you. I tried burying my stuff in a deep hole. But my brain likes to drag everything up anyway between sessions. Thankfully, my coping skills are good. Do you have safe places, too?
I keep a composition book that I fill with dreams, writing, collages and drawings. I find that the pictures I find on the web and paste into my book help me understand my triggers. I also use the pictures to make safe spaces and to represent things I like or want to learn to like. The...
Almost everybody has this!! My therapist often books EMDR sessions in the late afternoon, so her clients can go home & collapse. Your therapist will likely want to know how you feel between sessions.
For me, exhaustion is a good sign. I'm trying to re-wire my brain 50 years after my trauma...
All of what happened was really normal. Everybody responds differently to recall, so you kind of have to try it out and see what response you have. There are a lot of self-care strategies that can be useful, and figuring out when to go fast and when to go real slow is really important. Yes...
I imagine safe people and relationships with those people in my head. Sometimes the people are imaginary, sometimes they are real people, but they are idealized in my head. I am dealing with a part of me that is very afraid of intimacy right now. I remembered from a long time ago (just a few...
This is all great progress, and it sounds like you are on a good path!
Yes. With time, the process can become less exhausting, and actually mayb a little exhilarating because you will explore yourself so deeply.
I think that you are underestimating how much more progress you can make! I...
Tough week while on travel, and my therapist says it's good to exercise a lot. Here's a picture from my week in the Rocky Mountains, taken while hiking up a big hill.