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All I can say is that I can relate. I can't say I agree with everyone that has posted on here, because I definitely don't put out love to other people in terms of the word forgiveness. I hate the people that did this to me. I'm sorry but I can't forgive them, and that's just me. I am still in...

Thank you everyone for your wonderful responses. Sorry I'm just getting back now. It's been a tough few days, but I'm still here. As my psychiatrist said to me Friday, I'm doing well right now because I'm not in the hospital. That doesn't sound well to me, but I guess where she's coming from...

Thanks ghotiff and verasfghjkl. I am trying to confront things that have been hidden for over 25 years, and that cost me a good law enforcement job. It makes me so angry that I let the past control my life, so I agreed to therapy so I could get my life back. It's amazing what trauma can do to...

I shared something I have never shared before during my last session. I learned something I never knew and it was helpful at the time. The problem is, the more the week has gone on, the more I've become distressed, and I don't know why. Is it because I talked about things and was more vulnerable...

I hear you, but I thought that was up to me to be the most useless out there. I guess there's a lot of us that are the most useless sacks of trash. Believe me, I feel like I should die rather than live with the guilt of how I'm living now. I used to be in the Marines and then in the Secret...

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. All I can offer is to say I can completely relate to you. I had a similar thing happen last night where I tried for most of the day and evening not to hurt myself, but eventually gave in. I hadn't hurt myself in at least a month either, so it was such a let down...

I also have this problem. I'm dealing with it right now with my therapy, and just yesterday my therapist said similar things to me. She wants me to open up more about my feelings and be able to share more with her. It's so hard to to talk about things without feeling so vulnerable like you...

I felt so ashamed the other day when my father asked me why I'm not close to anyone. I had no answer for him, and he just looked at me like I was foreign to him. I never lived with my Dad growing up, and have never been close to him, but biologically he's still my Dad. He pretends he's more than...

Thanks, I appreciate your responses. I was also a survivor of sexual abuse among other things. It's been such a lonely life trying to do everything as if I never needed any emotional support. I never wanted to depend on anyone or feel vulnerable, so keeping my distance was key. It's just stopped...

I was wondering if others with PTSD, more specifically PTSD from childhood abuse, have suffered by never being able to get close to anyone and therefore never having a relationship? I am curious because I've been to groups with people that have PTSD, at the VA, and they don't have this problem...

I've also been on it for a couple years at 5mg. It works fairly well, with not too many side effects. I still get some nightmares, but my blood pressure went down too much when I took more than 5mg. Good luck.

Hi, I definitely relate to hating yourself. It's so hard when it's engrained in your head from childhood and you bring it into adulthood believing this hatred. I can't remember a time when I didn't think I was a loser and evil. Then I tried to make up for it by doing "good" things, like joining...

I'm sorry you feel like this. I don't have much to offer except that I know how you feel. I just got out of the hospital for suicidal ideation, and have tried to kill myself 5 times. I can tell you to go straight to seek help but if you're not willing than it won't matter. When you say nobody...

I know that feeling you have after you have self injured...that shame or anger you get at yourself for giving in and I wish I could offer you some helpful tips to get rid of it, but it always comes after (for me anyways). I hope you are feeling better now than you were this afternoon. Just...

Hi Soulstar, to me it sounds like she is uncomfortable treating you for some reason or doesn't see the entire picture. At least that is what it appears from what you are saying. I don't understand why she would send you home if you just told her you were self injuring, and if money is the issue...

Yes, I screamed for help as a child because I knew I was about to be abused, and my Grandma disregarded me, and shrugged me off. I screamed at the car as she drove down the driveway but she kept going, and I knew I had to go back to my Grandfather to be be abused again. It's not unusual. It...

My birthday was yesterday so my Dad and Step-Mother took me out for lunch. I haven't seen or talked to them in a long time (on purpose). They don't realize how bad things are with me, and I put on a very good ruse. I always play a part for the outside world. That's how I got through my jobs...

I only live for the day I am in. I have a hard time living and thinking beyond 24 hrs. I keep thinking I will die at any time.

I feel for you you. i was law enforcement myself. I had to medically retire a few years ago. I can't say I saw exactly what you did, but I just want you to know that others support you here and everyone has stories that can help in some way. Or at least they have a good ear to listen and know...

I feel for you. I understand where you are coming from and the level of torment must be immense. I am sorry you are feeling this way. When I saw a therapist (that I didn't stay with) the other day, she asked how my grooming habits were and suggested for me to take a shower once a day, after I...

That seems sad to me, but I can relate. It is how I feel in many ways too. Making life "tolerable" is just a sad way to live.

Sorry I wasn't trying to be aggressive toward you, but in your original post it just seemed so Polyanna and just smile and be happy and you will be. I have tried the "fake it til you make it" method many times when things were so bad I had nothing left to lose. Even that did nothing to help me...

It's ok to for you to be happy and I am glad you are, but not everyone can just get that "cup half full". Sometimes it takes more than just trying to think happy thoughts or look to the brighter side of things. People's brains change with trauma and you can't just turn it off and on with a...

I definitely relate to you there. I went through a traffic light the other day and when someone blew through the red light my instinct was to put on the brakes. After I got through the light safely I was so angry at myself for not letting him hit me. It's amazing how thoughts lie this can effect...

Hi Saffy, It's hard to explain what is going on in my head and why I think these things...at least simply. I don't feel in my gut that I am innocent. I don't feel "evil" per say, but not as deserving as anyone else, and extremely guilty for still being alive. I always knew I was loved by my Mom...