Search results

Another day. Two nightmares last night but I followed the advice given to me on Wednesday and grounded myself back in the present more before trying to sleep again. It has helped, I definitely got more sleep last night. I feel ok today or should I say more ok than I have the rest of the week. I...

I am not going to talk too much about how my night went. It started with a flashback and just got worse from there. I am at work again today and tomorrow and the next day. My next day off, Monday, seems so far away. People keep saying to me that it is common for things to get worse before they...

I'm in the dark again. He has friends round and I got annoyed when he wouldn't let me go home so he shoved me in here. Not sure how being in here is any different to me being at home to him but it must mean something. His friends know I am here but they don't say anything. I gave up trying to...

Another terrible night. I had one weird dream followed by nightmare after nightmare. I have managed to drag myself out of bed to go to work today. My muscles ache, I'm on edge, I'm struggling to focus, every little noise sets me off and it would appear, from typing this, that I cannot spell...

Went to my appointment, next week is my last session before going on the waiting list for treatment. Today was not a good one. I struggled to focus, made no eye contact, zoned out multiple times and I was shaking through most of it. The therapist was good though, he noticed when I was zoning and...

I hit a low last night. When I finally made it home from work after an exhausting day I didn't go back out to my Dad's. Instead I had a shower and my friend came over. When she arrived I was writing the note to inform her of what she needed to know for work the next day. I had decided to write...

Not a good morning. The make staff member at work is in a bad mood and has triggered me quite badly. There are loads of people on site, moving around everywhere. I have so much work to do. I was trying to type this morning and I was shaking so much I kept having to retype things. In the end I...

Another bad evening going in to another long night. More horrible dreams to add to my ever growing list of dark memories. Nightmares of friends hurt over and over. How many different ways can one person suffer? It seems there are many if someone is cruel enough to put their mind to it. I have...

Congratulations :D

Thank you @The Albatross in someways it is good to know I am not alone. I still wonder now how I could be so naive. Nightmares are horrible things, they take your memories and your day to day thoughts and mix them all together to create something even more scary. One of the things that L...

One of the first times he got angry with me was early on. We had been fooling around and he wanted to go further. I said,"No, I don't want to yet." His hands that had been off doing other things suddenly gripped my upper arms. His knuckles were white where he had hold of me so tightly. I told...

My nephews laugh.

I agree with @Lucycat anger is not universal. I gave been diagnosed with PTSD but it takes a lot to anger me. I tend to shut down when I am at breaking point.

Thank you :) So far I have had a great day including two lovely gifts from the staff at work. They are a great team, I just about managed not to cry at receiving these...

I turn 25 today. If there was ever a day where I was hoping for a break it would be today but it doesn't seem to be happening. I had nightmares most of the night and I am on high alert this morning. I have a busy day ahead when all I really want to do is hide out at home, blocking out the noises...

He wanted me to enjoy it, he said so at the start. It was during one of his strange times when he was nice to me, kind and caring. I found it all so confusing, one minute he'd be gentle and loving the next he would be angry, yelling, hitting, hurting. His parents were out and the day had been...

Long day today. I had two nightmares in the night but Malcolm woke me up by sitting on me, he's a good dog. It meant I was already on edge by the time I got up to go to the doctors. It was made worse by getting there to find the doctors incredibly busy with a waiting room full of people. A 20...

I got my watch back, I feel whole again having it on my wrist! My friend visited this afternoon and we had an in depth chat, think we both needed it. It seems I have been isolating, not letting her in, hiding the worst of it. Habit I suppose since I spent so many years hiding it from others...

I was out at sunset last night letting my friend out of the gate after visiting me.

Noise noise noise. Can't drown it out unless I use more noise, music is ok, it's predictable but even too much of that gets me. I wish I could just go and sit in a sound proof room just to get a few hours of true peace and quiet. No noises that would be a dream come true, who knows I might...

Some people never understand. I am glad your boss supported you with your colleague. I know when new things are brought in where I work it always takes people a while to accept the new routine. You were just doing your job better than her by following more up to date methods that you have been...

I have done mostly what most men do, And pushed it out of my mind, But I can't forget if I wanted to, Four feet trotting behind. Day after day, the whole day through, Wherever my road inclined, Four feet said, "I'm coming with you" And trotted along behind. No I must go by some other route...

I have been busy today. I needed to keep busy. All day I have been drifting, losing time then just coming out of it. In between I have had urges to hurt myself. They are something I still deny and push away but I know they are there and I cannot ignore them for ever. Even now in the back of my...

I haven't written here since Saturday. That's not like me. The last couple of days have been busy and full of ups and downs. I'm sitting here now trying to relax myself. I am focusing on calming my breathing, relaxing my muscles. I can hear my friends voice in my head telling me to open my hands...

Another one appears. My wrists are tied together to the table. I try to wriggle free as he heats the knife on oven. He likes burning me, holding things to my flesh while my skin melts. He only does it on my back where I can't care for it. I can see his shoulders hunched, tense. He turns and...