Help! Can't Take It Anymore! Don't Know If I Can Hold On To This Job

[Notsowild]

Today was a day from hell. Work has been going fairly well. I'm still very tired from being off 3 months. I've been getting used to all the new policies. My formerly verbal abuse boss has been good.

But today I had a run in with another employee. I was told I was doing my job wrong. And I said " no this is the new policy". I even showed it to her. She refused to look at it and said " no one else does it that way". Then she mumbled some words at me. I thought I heard the B word. I was so upset. I told my boss and she said I was right. I just wanted to break down and cry I was stressed. Later this same woman told my co- worker she made a mistake. But no apology from her.

Then I was talking to my friend that works there. We were discussing her holidays next week. That makes us short staffed and I said there was no way I can work 2 weeks straight. Then she says "you just had 3 months holidays " I was dumb founded. I said "you call having mental issues and seeing psychiatrists and psychologists a holiday". She just walked away. Nobody understands this illness and I don't know how much more I can take. How do you work in a place were nobody cares? Nobody understands? Not even your so called friend. I need the job but really how do you handle all this?

 

[NovaTex]

Tell them it was a holiday in hell ;)

I'm kidding. Hang in there. Remember the only actions we have to take responsibility for are our own.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm sorry you've had such a bad day - your colleagues comments about your absence were crass and show a complete lack of understanding of mental illness.

You said things were largely going well? I know it's hard, but what you describe sounds like the normal rub of people interactions at work rather than anything "targeted" at you. Your boss supported ou with our colleague, which is a positive. I wonder if you're able to write it off as a bad day, the type that everyone has from time to time? I can understand that you'll be hyper vigilant given your history there but be careful to take time to check in with yourself about what you're experiencing. Are you seeing a therapist? Mine has been invaluable at helping me work out what's ok at work or not and how I might need to respond or not. It's really hard and it sounds like you're doing so very well.

 

[Wyakin]

Some people never understand. I am glad your boss supported you with your colleague. I know when new things are brought in where I work it always takes people a while to accept the new routine. You were just doing your job better than her by following more up to date methods that you have been asked to use. Sometimes people feel put out when they see others doing what they know they should also be doing. Sadly their way of dealing with it sometimes is to make the other person feel like they are in the wrong. I know it is hard but just ignore her and carry on doing what you know is right.

As for the three months off comment, I'd just put it down to small mindedness. It is something I have come across in my work, not always aimed at me but aimed at my friend. She is unwell and has to stay in the office rather than being out with the animals because she spends most of her day in crippling pain but the attitude from some of the other staff is that she gets to sit inside all day on the phones. Trust me when I say it's the last place she wants to be. There was even a comment once of "I wish I was xxxx that way I could sit inside rather than being out in the rain." Luckily I wasn't there for that comment because I would have flipped out, as it was my friend pointed out to her that she would gladly change places with her as long as she took the pain too funnily enough that shut her up.

I know people look at me when I disappear off to calm myself down or I am late back from lunch having had a flashback and they think I am just being lazy but I don't care. I am doing the best I can with what I have at the moment. They have two choices for me really, understand I sometimes need to do things a little differently and actually have me in work doing my job or I stay home and leave them short staffed. Deep down I know which they would rather choose and it's the one that makes less work for them!

You are doing so well at getting back to work, don't let others lack of compassion stop you succeeding.

 

[KwanYingirl]

When I was in my forties I was being poisoned by darkroom chemicals that were leaching into the walls and floors if our work space. It was a horrible scene and lasted years with no resolution. I finally reported the hospital to OSHA and finally they got punished. Well that made me a whistle blower and that's when you really find out who your friends are. Nobody. I was so injured by the exposure I had to give up my career and was disabled. More stereotyping.

People will act in their own self interest for the most part. My so called friends dropped me so they wouldn't be seen as aiding the enemy, even though my actions saved their asses.

I now have a new career I am self employed. I will always be my own boss and work where and how much I can handle. I would be useless around many people now. I just can't take the pettiness and mean spirited bullshit that goes on.

More power to you for hanging in there.

 

[Go Hungry]

I've had co-workers at work get upset at me for doing things the right way instead of half-assing it, and they always blame the messenger rather than the management who came up with the policies. Sometimes I found it wasn't worth it to argue with them. :( But I just did my job right and let the chips fall where they may.

As to your 'friend' saying that you had 3 months vacation, that's just.. well it's rotten. Unfortunately alot of people don't believe in illness until it happens to them, at which point they scream bloody murder. I know that there are people I work with who see me as lazy because I need to take slightly longer breaks more often than they do. And I would often miss work because of panic attacks or fatigue. I know that they resented it, as it seemed I got special treatment. With my new boss I wonder how things will go when/if I need some extra time. I guess I'll find out.

 

[Notsowild]

Tell them it was a holiday in hell ;).

That's a good one! But of course they won't understand. I just get so upset when nobody cares enough to ask. It was just" stress leave" to them. I'm sure they wouldn't even understand that.

I'm sorry you've had such a bad day - your colleagues comments about your absence were crass and show a complete lack of understanding of mental illness..

I want to ask if I can put up some material about PTSD. I know I'll be "outing" myself to most but the stupid assumptions of why I was off work is bothering me a lot. What do you think of that idea?

People will act in their own self interest for the most part. My so called friends dropped me so they wouldn't be seen as aiding the enemy, even though my actions saved their asses..

I'm the one who went to H R and our union about our verbally abusive boss. You would think I would get some thanks from my co- workers. She has been so much better since I've been back to me and them.

 

[Notsowild]

I've had co-workers at work get upset at me for doing things the right way instead of half-assing it, and they always blame the messenger rather than the management who came up with the policies. Sometimes I found it wasn't worth it to argue with them. :( But I just did my job right and let the chips fall where they may.

I have a lot of half-ass co-workers. I don't think I'm a perfectionist but I like to do a good job. They seem to try and get away with doing it their way. It bothers me a lot. Then if you tell the manager then their upset at you. Then I would have a real hard time working with them. You're stuck between a "rock and a hard place"

As to your 'friend' saying that you had 3 months vacation, that's just.. well it's rotten. Unfortunately alot of people don't believe in illness until it happens to them, at which point they scream bloody murder. I know that there are people I work with who see me as lazy because I need to take slightly longer breaks more often than they do. And I would often miss work because of panic attacks or fatigue. I know that they resented it, as it seemed I got special treatment. With my new boss I wonder how things will go when/if I need some extra time. I guess I'll find out.

I've been back a month now and I've never even taken my mini breaks for fear of special treatment. That's so bad. I should be thinking of myself. It was written in my accommodations from my psychiatrist and approved by management. Life is not fair to us.

 

[Suzetig]

I can see why you'd want to inform people about ptsd and it may not be a bad idea. I guess my thinking is that those people who want to understand will appreciate being more informed but it won't make a difference to those who don't or who think mental illness is a game or an excuse for not being at work. Only you can decide which type of person you have more of in your workplace. It may be worth doing something more widely in line with mental health awareness week so that it doesn't look like you're outing yourself, there will be national support and something to "hang" it on that isn't personal to you.

The best thing you can do to raise awareness is to look after yourself. Use all of the accommodations agreed when you came back to work, take your breaks, remember self care. First of all, it'll protect your health so that you can maintain yourself at work, will remind others at you do have a health concern as real as a broken limb and will also give others a model of asking for help if hey need it. Being reluctant to be seen to be different is understandable but you run the risk of undermining yourself by wanting people to understand your illness on one hand, but not following medical advice to support your health on the other.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Okay I have to answer this one. No one will understand this illness just like they don't understand fibromyalgia. People think we are either "faking it" or "drama queens/kings" or "mentally ill" or "f***ed up" or whatever and people who've never been what we've been through have never dealt with what we have. I am going to need FMLA because of what I'm going through with my illness and I'm going through so much stress because of the EEOC I filed against the company. I was diagnosed having costocolitis which hurts my chest something terrible. People don't get it and I don't expect them to understand because they just "don't care" (this is only my opinion). It's not their business to tell them that you had to go see therapists or go see this doctor and that one and that your three month "vacation" was not a vacation at all but a trip to H**l for you emotionally.

I can say, "Don't let them get to you" but I would let them get to me because they downplayed what you went through. My say? Screw them. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone or anything!!! Have someone else take that next week so that you can get yourself prepared to go back to work and see if you can handle it. Big hugs!