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Search results

  1. loui50

    Just need support, depressed

    Thank you everyone. It has been a really hard day. I appreciate the kind words and understanding. I handed the kids off to my dear husband and took some quiet time alone. I actually fell asleep even though that wasn't my intention. I need a good cry but cant seem to cry. Hubs is putting...
  2. loui50

    Just need support, depressed

    I've become seriously depressed today. My grandparents are separating after 60 years of marriage. It is in my grandmother's best interest, but I'm taking it hard. I have SEVERE abandonment issues and this has set me off. Additionally, my sister has been admitted to ICU with a heart...
  3. loui50

    Emerg Services Any dispatchers out there?

    I was a dispatcher before becoming a cop. It was a long bad road to travel. My PTSD is from my cop days, but I think dispatching contributed too.
  4. loui50

    Emerg Services Need some advice from fellow cops.

    Most LDT companies only cover "Mental Illness" for 2 years then you are on your own. At least that is what I was told when I resigned from my job as a cop with PTSD. I've had 2 subsequent careers and both eventually triggered me and I got to the point that I lost my jobs and I'm now on SSDI...
  5. loui50

    Cutting

    I want to cut my wrists so bad. I don't want to die, i just want to feel the pain and see the cut. I am so scared to do it though, which is a good thing. I'm scared what would come next. Tonight i stabbed myself repeadedly with a fork on the wrist just to feel pain. Then i scratched myself...
  6. loui50

    Anyone try viibryd?

    My doc is switching me from lexapro to Viibryd. Anyone have experience with Viibryd?
  7. loui50

    Childhood Possible Abuse, Suspected Repressed Memories

    I hate spoken to t. She absolutely believes there is more. There are memory gaps. We have not been able to address it yet fully due to other issues though.
  8. loui50

    Self injury

    I've recently started self injuring by digging my fingernails into my wrists and breaking the skin drawing blood. I have worked with t and determined the trigger for the emotional stress is feeling of abandonment. My husband is leaving next monday on a business trip and i want to rip my wrists...
  9. loui50

    Relationship Just need to vent

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm a PTSD suffer, not a supporter. But it sounds like he is severely triggered. I just went through a severe trigger, but I sought help from my T and Psych immediately and I'm getting better again. I know when I'm triggered I hide in the bedroom and...
  10. loui50

    Writing letters

    My T is big on having me write letters to people that hurt me. Not actually mail them but write them and go over them in session. I hate doing this. Writing them makes me feel vulnerable and reading them to her just plain sucks. Is there another way. How do i tell her i hate this?
  11. loui50

    What can you tell me about inpatient treatment

    Thanks Friday. I was afraid of that. Maybe some people can give me some ideas of what they went through. I"m so scared right now. I just need relief and I"m not getting it by caring for a family and dealing with the stress of life. I see T tomorrow and Wednesday. I'll get up the courage to...
  12. loui50

    What can you tell me about inpatient treatment

    My T has suggested inpatient treatment as an option. She has not recommended it yet but I'm still spiraling down out of control. I'm afraid she might tomorrow. What can you guys that have been there tell me about inpatient treatment? Would I be able to talk to me family? I have kids! What...
  13. loui50

    So depressed

    @brat17 It's been over a month. I take 3 different meds, SSRI, antiphychoic and Valium. I think about suicide all the time. Not like actually committing it, just about it. Suicidal Ideation I think it is called. My family is my world and I can't believe i just admitted I'm ready to give up...
  14. loui50

    So depressed

    I'm so freakin depressed I can't even thing straight. It's different though. I'm not crying all the time. I'm angry alot and don't feel like doing anything but sleeping. I want to walk away from my family and I have never felt this way and it scares me. I have a great husband and to small...
  15. loui50

    Childhood T on sick leave... head all over place

    Sorry your T is sick. Mine is on Vacation and I'm going CRAZY. Mine is only gone a week. But I can sympathize with you. Hope you find some relief. Did your T leave you with an emergency contact?
  16. loui50

    Confused about isolation

    I isolate in chunks like you. Maybe an hour at a time from family. I do isolate from the few friends i have for weeks at a time. I think it can come in varying degrees.
  17. loui50

    What to expect in first appointment with psychiatrist?

    They will talk about your physical and psychological symptoms. But not the cause so much. Like for me, my psych just wanted a brief knowledge of my trauma to confirm diangosis and physical symptoms. By brief I mean I told him i saw a kid attacked by a shark. He asked no questions about...
  18. loui50

    Days to calm down??

    Now im to the depression phase. This sucks. I want to crawl in a hole.
  19. loui50

    Crying & comfort

    My t has hugged me after a particularly tough session, but i asked for it. Normally she just waits me out. I wish she would comfort me. Like put a hand on my shoulder or even tell me im okay. She has told me ive done well in particularly tough sessions. But not the comfort i got from my old...
  20. loui50

    Talking about suicide with t

    @Mach123 thanks for your reply and support. T is out of town for a week next week. Not what i need right now. She left my info with a collegue though if i need her. And she said i can email her. We talked about going inpatient voluntarily. That scares me. My husband may go out of town...
  21. loui50

    Talking about suicide with t

    So I spent an entire hour yesterday talking to T about suicide. What to do if I felt suicidal again. How to get a hold of her. Hotlines and 911. I'm exhausted. I have two kids that need taking care of and all I want to do is sleep. I'm not suicidal right now but have been in the past and...
  22. loui50

    Talking to one t about a traumatizing experience with a previous t?

    If you felt traumatized by something a Therapist said/did to you, would you be comfortable talking to a new/current T about the incident? Here is the whole story: Many years ago I wanted to commit suicide for various reasons (not important why). I was literally in the bathtub with the biggest...
  23. loui50

    Days to calm down??

    When you get triggered does it take you days to calm back down? I was recently triggered very badly and after a month finally was able to talk to T about it. That was 3 days ago. Now I feel like I'm coming down off a horrible rollercoaster. I'm exhausted and can't think straight. Does...
  24. loui50

    Want to feel physical pain

    @TexCat i should. I really should but i want to hurt. Im scared. I have never left a mark on myself before. I need to fight this urge!!
  25. loui50

    Want to feel physical pain

    I'm still having a very hard time. I have a small cut on my wrist where I dug my fingernail into it saturday and I can't stop digging my fingernail into it and making it worse. I tried to email T but I just can't hit the send button. The email is all typed up and saved in my drafts on my...
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