Search results

T responded back when she realized it is interfering with work, and I feel like I might get hurt because the little part isn't paying attention to things like cars. She suggested trying an elastic band and snapping it on my wrist to bring the adult part in more. @HollyBeans27 i did bbm you...

T emailed back but didn't really have much help to offer. Just said I need to parent that part, but I don't know how to do that.

T never emailed last night, I eventually fell asleep. I hoped the little feeling would go away when I slept. The little feeling is still here and stronger in some ways.

@Muse Thanks for the suggestions and kind words. Maybe I will put on Despicable Me, I like it even as an adult but it's a kid movie and non triggering. I feel like it's ok to be abusive and mean to this feeling. I'm not harming myself physically in any way. I have a hard time feeling sympathy...

@Berlinda I don't know if this is a flashback, I've had a lot of different types of flashbacks over the years - auditory, visual, physical, various combinations of those three. This feels different. It's the feeling itself that scares me. I feel like a combination of reading all those comments...

@Eleanor I emailed T, don't want to be too needy and call her, I told her I feel needy just by emailing her. I don't know what it wants or needs, I don't know how to even find out what it needs. I'm not comfortable with this feeling at all, I don't know how to sit with it, how to fix it, how to...

@Born to Run I'm going to do the lesser of the two scary things right now and email T and tell her about feeling little. At least she will know before next week. @Pencil it wasn't a dumb idea, I tried reading it but just the feeling little thing is making it hard to understand anything not...

@Pencil maybe I need to read it later, right now it isn't making sense when I try. I can't see the connection between how I feel and how they feel. @Born to Run It doesn't feel ok, it feels scary and dangerous. It's new, I've never ever felt like this and T isn't here to help it make sense. I...

Just had therapy with T, told her about the report card comments from when I was little and when things changed. A funny feeling came over me and I had to sit on the floor. I felt so little, I still do, I don't remember leaving her office, I remember bits of going home. Like standing in the...

I'm visiting my parents this weekend for Easter, and my mum gave me my folder of school report cards and records. I just sat for an hour reading every comment from kindergarten to grade 12. My heart hurts. I can see exactly between what times the sexual abuse began in my life. It's so heart...

@HollyBeans27 I'm not doing the greatest today. T has emailed me twice today to check in, which I appreciate. I tried to call the hospital twice to speak with her but couldn't get in touch and now I'm just too emotionally drained to try again. That sounds selfish, but I'm trying to listen to my...

It's too late in the evening to call T now, she shuts her ringer off after a certain time. I emailed back and forth with her a bit, obviously it didn't fix things, but it helps to know she knows and is there. That helps more than talking to the people on the crisis line, I know they try and they...

@joeylittle I was like her mom for a whole year when I lived near her. I was the one she turned to. I don't care if my aunt would be there, it's about my cousin. T emailed back to try to remind me that I'm ok, and I really need to focus on myself right now. Especially after this weekend. I...

I just got a phone call that my cousin attempted suicide. She OD'd like I did. She told her mom that she was suicidal, and ASKED to go to the hospital, my aunt told her no she was fine and to just take a shower. I'm so upset, she's not ok. The drugs she took can cause a lot of damage to her...

Thanks for your post @shell I think I will write down this line in my journal as a constant reminder. I think when I do accomplish my goal, AND put it into practice during private therapy with T (that will be the major test), that I will feel a great sense of achievement. Eye contact is HARD...

This weekend I have the first of three weekend group therapy sessions that span over the next three months. It starts Friday night, goes all day Saturday (early morning, until late evening), and all day Sunday (early morning start, early evening finish). It's a special thing my T invited me to...

Yes she was trying to fix me, she didn't understand that letting go is not something instantaneous but rather a process that I have to work through. Especially with 20 years of abuse. Funny, this is something I worked on really in-depth with T in the form of a group therapy workshop that was...

Really sad and hurt right now. I had a friend that has now completely tossed me aside. They were my sole support other than my T. A little over a week ago she really hurt me by sharing very personal and private stuff about me with a mutual friend. I voiced that it wasn't ok that she did that...

@scout86 Thanks, I need one today. Mainly because of the non-trial and my body thinking I'm going through another miscarriage and I'm not. Didn't ask T today, and I should have.

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. One I needed to take some time and think about my answers, and two hydro was out yesterday so no internet. I'm going to answer some questions/comments. Then I'm going to write about my decision and what happened today. Unfortunately moving is not an option for...

@richter scale good alternative idea, also not illegal. I don't know at this point.

It was supposed to go to trial because I charged him (next week actually) but the police officer responsible for collecting evidence and speaking to witnesses didn't do his job fully. The police failed to get the footage from a second surveillance video that captured the unblocked view of the...

@shimmerz I do see why people are concerned. I appreciate the help looking for alternatives, some I have already looked into, and there were a few that I hadn't thought of trying and will.

It would be in Canada too... if I wasn't a contractor. Contractors have no protection by employment laws unfortunately. It's a risk you take for good paying work. A lot of companies only hire contractors now because they can fire whenever and for whatever reason they want. I could potentially...

@The One Who Knocks jobs are limited where I am without a university degree, I've spent two years looking for decent paying work, the one job I found that gave me a chance let me go because I ruined their reputation by being assaulted on the job. Well, considering I hadn't had any contact with...