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Thanks everyone! I've cooked up another and dug up an old painting that I never finished. The old painting took me 20 hours of solid work, figuring random things out. This new one took me 2.5 hours. Old Painting: Latest [Portrait of a Satyr]

You're quite welcome, blueangel! I'm in the market for a rifle for target shooting now, New Jersey really makes you jump through paperwork and financial hoops to get a firearm purchasing card though (I want my own .22 rifle to clean and calibrate). Apparently I should be fine as I've never been...

Yes I find I get them when my "PTSD Episodes" as I've grown to so lovingly call them reach into the multiple weeks range. I have a habit of holding my breath when anything stressful hits, even subsconsciously, even working out, running etc. Eventually it'll turn to palpitations and they are...

The "new" TSA Pat-downs are high invasive, as far as they can seem to go without penetration. I tend to be afraid of myself and what I'll do. I have to fly at the beginning of next month, and I really don't want to end up in jail for wigging out on TSA personnel. I have never felt safe with...

I think the only reason I can even tolerate it now is because I'm working for my father - he is a boss who will always back me up, unlike some of the people I worked with at Circuit City (RIP) or Staples. One lady I worked for at Staples berated me in front of a customer and told me I was...

It would, wouldn't it? -laugh- I might flip when nobody's here but I usually internalize my anger ok when someone's in front of me to avoid a bad confrontation that'd speak poorly of my father's business. I've had customers throw things AT ME before and knock over merchandise in a rage. I'd...

Does anyone here who is currently employed work in customer service and find it extremely difficult to work with problem customers and stay their temper/snarkitude? I just had a guy call me wanting to sell me some golf balls, didn't like the price I'd pay for used golf balls, reamed me for it...

It happens Heather. We are none of us perfect beings. I think the ban was a good idea also because, perhaps, some of the things posted on the forum could have been something along the lines of sensory overload for you. It could have been exacerbating some of those dark feelings you'd been...

I haven't really played since Call to Power (wow, old) but I do have Civ IV on this machine. I've been really into the Total War games lately. If you're into turn based strategy they're pretty awesome, plus they have real time battles if you choose not to auto-resolve conflicts.

It kind of just sounds like growling, grunting and anguished moans mixed in with my terrible inner monologue that sounds like I'm talking through my teeth.

-hugs- I had a bad explosion yesterday. I'm still feeling raw from it too :( IT is just so incredibly draining, I completely agree. Feels like I'm digging a ditch in 110 degree weather, high UV index with concrete shoes on sometimes.

It all leads to the same reaction with me - sudden anger. If someone knocks and won't go away, I feel like exploding completely. I have a fear of opening doors for strangers, though I've been known to take in Mormon missionaries and play video games with them (that's a long story!!) I also get...

Playing video games!

There is a small training airfield near me that a lot of little Cessnas and such fly out of. There's also an Air Guard base there and i see all sorts of cool things from time to time. Helicopters, can't remember the models but I see AH-64s sitting by the airfield, old B-52s and other cool things...

@R It varies from project to project, really. Many of my sketches are done in pencil before I do anything digital, simply because there's something to the feeling of a pencil that can help take the work in one direction or another. For large projects I often just sketch in Adobe Photoshop...

Surprisingly, I am a very big fan of A Clockwork Orange.. The rape scene is discomforting but not triggering, possibly due to the fact that I saw it and loved it long before my abuse. Burgess hated it and wrote it just to pay some bills but many receive it very well. There are FEW films that...

Ahh yes, I too can relate to such terrible rage bubbling beneath the surface. Rarely do I act on it, though - I tend to push it back down into me where it just eats at me from the inside instead. I've felt the same way Srain has, to be perfectly honest - even AT an ATM where someone was going...

Hi Stephanie! Welcome. We have e-cookies and e-tea. ;) I sympathize when you say there are people around you who love/support you but it doesn't feel like enough. I think it has to do with the lowered feelings of self-worth that come stock with PTSD in many people. In time T can help with this...

Hot off the tablet... ;D

Ah I see. Thank you for the clarification, Anthony.

Same here. I'm tired of other people writing me off as being dramatic or trying to justify x or y behavior. I'm tired of people reading these behaviors for things they are not. I'm not! I'm just trying to explain it. I still say it though. I have to say it.

Well, as I've admitted in the chat - my sexual preferences slip to the deviant side of things. I was sort of that way on some internal level before the assault. After, I enjoy doing such 'consensual non consent' things with my boyfriend. It seems to help

I slept ok, a little on the tossing and turning side. This is mostly because my boyfriend is sick and was hacking his lungs up in the middle of the night :( Been having cool dreams - had a dream my entire family's bloodline descended from ancient centaur clans

I experience this often during my 'episode' periods where I'm kind of stuck in a rut or extremely stressed to the point of overflow. I'll babble incessantly and then realize what a fool I've made of myself. My friends have learned to tolerate it or give me a signal. However, I find that reading...

Just to pitch in some behaviors I'm guilty of, I tend to hold onto scraps of clothing for a long time 'just in case' that I end up doing nothing with. It is suspected this has something to do with my 'poor period' where my mother and I had little money and as such a clung to every possession I had.