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I think she is always supporting me being a "strong, independent woman." She will either support a relationship or try to disengage me from a relationship. Example: Support a relationship-"It sounds like you have not completely given up on your sister." Or, "Your boss seems like she is a good...

Wow, thank you @scout86 Such good insights. The part about me "fixing this on my own" pretty much being what my husband did is quite right. I am aware of this and trying to observe it mindfully. There are some issues: The answer is to work with him as a team. I am trying to and when we start...

I know I wrote the above letter and I still stand by it. I do know that there was almost sort of a desperation to forgive him a little and to understand. I am not stable enough to be on my own. I am at the almost end of benzo withdrawal. That is getting better, but I could not just kick him to...

Yes, I really hope we can work through it.

So, while this experience has been horrific and I still am in shock, my husband and I have done a lot of soul searching. He does not have PTSD, but he has had emotional abuse and he has written a letter to me (he is a writer) just to get his thoughts out. he explains that he is over generous...

Thank you so much, that means a lot. Though you made me cry!

So technically speaking it was 18,000 on our credit card (originally mine.) And then the 5 k in savings. There was an 8,000 dollar bill he thought he took care of. The other debt I knew about. This is really, really bad. There was a lot of lying. He was giving and giving to me to keep me alive...

My response is extreme matching this extreme situation. But I am using skills and coping thoughts to try to take care of myself so I can hopefully heal. I have to take stock of this situation. How bad is it? Really looking at that. Then practicing radical acceptance and most likely turn the...

Yes, thanks @joeylittle for that advice. My husband is starting a new job and will be looking into his benefits which we will use for marriage therapy. We are problem solving the debt one day at a time. I am being extremely hypervigilient about this now which is an issue. My husband has been...

Yes, so it feels like my life is over. I have hit rock bottom. I don't know how to get out of this debt. I cannot even see my T right now. That is how much he screwed me.

So he has been lying about our finances for years now. He racked up over 30 k in debt. I have no idea how to get through this. I still love him though, but how do I forgive this? I think this was all just living beyond our means. I have seen out of network providers which I thought was ok, but I...

Yes, you are right. It would be good for me to think that. He did mention to me over the summer how he was having suicidal thoughts over not getting a job and feeling like a failure. I felt completely and desperately terrified and even angry at him. I felt like doing anything to take shit off...

I think this has all been helpful and I appreciate this perspective that you are each offering. I am really using these perspectives. I do not think I am being too hard on him. He lied to me for 10 mos and drained our savings. I am reacting to relationship betrayal. He was doing this...

So I just called the suicidal hot line at like 3 am and talked to him for an hour. He pointed out cognitive distortions which was some what helpful, but this didn't feel like cognitive distortions to me it felt real which I tried to explain. But then he said, well having suicidal thoughts over...

Thank you for your insights. I am not handling this well because he LIED to me over and over again to protect one big lie. I feel like an idiot because there were things were did like take a vacation, or buy a matress that we did not need to do. This is hard. His lying is sending me over the...

Thanks for your insights that is really calming. I am now fighting trigger after trigger and feeling completely lonely. I just do not understand, in his effort to "protect" me he massively hurt me. I am really good at handling financial insecurity as I have grown up with it. I am trying couples...

Yes this is totally what happened. He lied though over and over again for 10 mos to keep this secret. I have been going thru benzo withdrawal and had severe symptoms like suicidal thoughts. He was afraid that if I knew about the pay cut I would kill myself which pisses me off because I have a...

I am waiting to talk to my sister. I think I will contact my therapist to see if she could do a phone session. I am already in therapy and so we think we will get therapy for him.

Hi so I am posting about this very personal issue here to get multiple perspectives and support. I am very upset and feel like vomiting right now. I am waiting for my sister to call me back. My husband survived a company merger back in March but got a pay decrease of about 15 k. He did not tell...

No, she has never mentioned an increase in the rate. I did bring it up about 8 mos ago because I was talking about how I will likely be in therapy for a while and she said if she chose to raise her rates it would be incrementally which sounded good to me. But my husband is doing better and we...

Thanks, I like that perspective. That helps a lot. I actually feel like 100 dollars a session still feels reasonable for me right now. I am open to if she needs to change it. I feel this way because it was really hard to handle before and I just sacrificed other needs now it is reasonable. It...