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Thanks for the encouragement, it really helps hearing others perspectives. I trust my T, I'm sure I'll go back. I need this to work, but right now my alarm bells are going non stop. Sleep is not my friend tonight.

So I had my 4th emdr session today and I basically got walloped with something related to a memory I already had, that I thought I knew. This was something...I had no idea until I'm watching the lights back and forth, feeling the buzzing and like a slap to the head I'm in this memory I didn't...

Thanks @berlinda. I've seen my new therapist a few times now, she feels like a good fit. I was honest to a point about my suicidal thoughts, it's early in getting to know her and I worry about getting sent to the hospital so I downplayed it. I did agree though after some discussion to see...

A problem for me so a definite possibility.

I don't and honestly I'm terrified of the idea of the hospital.

I'm just trying to hold on right now. It's a struggle.

I've seen her twice. She's been working with me on breathing. I wish I knew what I was doing, Im sorry.

All I can think of is how I'm going to end it. All day, the same thing. I'm trying to so hard to work with my new therapist but I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I've been doing this for almost a year and I just don't know if I have any gas left in the tank. I'm trying the...

So, I just started with a new therapist. My first one ever doesn't do emdr and she said she thought that might be a better route to go as after 3 mo she was worried about going too deep with me. I find all of this confusing and I'm stressed about starting over but the I feel ok so far with my...

@TommySunlight I'm sorry you're feeling like this too. No, I'm lucky that my threat is long gone but my brain doesn't know it I guess. Just this much acknowledgement brings the tears on. Its a mess.

I'm in therapy but still trying to find my way, I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. I feel like I'm just going nuts most of the time. Taking off wouldn't change much but the scenery, but I'm alone now even in a room full of people I know or family. Being alone around people...

Slept horribly, waking up multiple times panicky or feeling awful. Been flooded all day with memories/feelings and all I want to do is get in my car and drive until the tank is dry. I don't care where I just want to chuck everything and go. If I end up under a rock somewhere, so be it.

I truly appreciate the help from everyone. It's some comfort to know others have had the same thoughts/stumbling blocks I'm having. Therapy is new to me so I don't really have have anything to compare it to. And yes, I've been obsessing hard on some of her questions, I get suspicious she...

Thank you for the responses. Being new to therapy and having all this come up...I'm just a mess and there seems to be no end. I appreciate the insights.

Trauma is supposed to be one of her areas. She has me doing Cognitive Processing Therapy which is aimed at PTSD. I could change although the thought of starting over with a new person is gives me incredible anxiety.

I dont know what to do. This is my first experience in therapy, I went for severe depression but early on had my past CSA blow up. I have trust with my T or I never would have said a word about my past. We're doing CPT but I feel I'm blowing it, not doing it right. If anything I'm in a worse...

I'm safe for now. I'm just at the so messed up point, a crossroads. I'm trying with my therapy but in the moment, right now I can't see it and all I want is relief I'm so close to done with this mess.

I really appreciate your help. I'm trying, but I just don't know how much I have left in the tank.

Thanks for the support, it's appreciated. I'm trying but I don't know.

Struggling today hard. Out of nowhere? I don't know anymore, I can't seem to stay right or predict anything. I don't see ever getting back to where I was. I wish I could stuff it all away again, none of this feels worth a damn.

Thanks for the help everyone, I'm grateful. This week for some reason has been particularly rough so trusting my own thoughts right now...not great.

Yes I am.

Yeah, I know you're right. This is my first time in therapy and my collected baggage gives me the shut ups, plus I'm afraid my therapist will just say "ok, quit". Not necessarily realistic but pretty fear inducing.

It sounds like I can continue weekly after the CPT is completed although I'm willing to bet my insurance only covers the allotted sessions. I just don't know what's gonna work if this doesn't.

Sounds like time wise we're about at the same place but I haven't quite given up the alcohol yet. I originally started therapy because of some heavy duty depression and while starting that some things at work blew up some childhood trauma. I'm doing CPT which is 12 sessions, I get the work...