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Thanks @berlinda.

I've seen my new therapist a few times now, she feels like a good fit. I was honest to a point about my suicidal thoughts, it's early in getting to know her and I worry about getting sent to the hospital so I downplayed it. I did agree though after some discussion to see someone about meds. I don't want them, the strongest thing I take is ibuprofen but I'm trying to work with her. She seemed quite concerned about my level of depression so I'll at least meet with the referral and see what they have to say. I'm trying but I seem to go from bad to worse then back to bad. I've started to think some things are just inevitable, I guess we'll see.
 
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