Hi everyone, I created an account because I'm currently going through EMDR and it's been a rough ride. I am a survivor of repeated CSA and unrelated familial abuse. I was a mess in my 20s and a lot of therapists didn't quite know what to do with me because of my mood and psychotic symptoms so while I won't say therapy was useless, it was doing very little to address the trauma. I managed to turn my life around at the end of my 20s and get my life into a stable enough condition to consider trauma processing. Last year I started therapy with a new therapist who I specifically chose because of his training in EMDR and we decided to start the process.
I'm struggling a lot to write this post because a huge part of my trauma was years of having everyone (my family, friends at the time, therapists, mandated reporters, law enforcement) just look the other way. It has left me feeling like I can only rely on myself and no one else so accepting support can be really hard but I think I am seeing that going through this process alone with hardly anyone to talk to about it is not a great idea.
I ideally want to move past this years-long period of my life. I have spent a lot of energy on trying to prove to everyone that I'm not crazy by trying to succeed in every area of life but I recently realized that that drive is still coming from a wounded place. I can't say my abuse no longer has power over me until I'm no longer making decisions to prove everyone wrong about me being a lost cause but instead without even thinking of them. I hope I can eventually get to that place but it does feel like a discouragingly long road.
Thanks for listening and here's to hoping things get better.
I'm struggling a lot to write this post because a huge part of my trauma was years of having everyone (my family, friends at the time, therapists, mandated reporters, law enforcement) just look the other way. It has left me feeling like I can only rely on myself and no one else so accepting support can be really hard but I think I am seeing that going through this process alone with hardly anyone to talk to about it is not a great idea.
I ideally want to move past this years-long period of my life. I have spent a lot of energy on trying to prove to everyone that I'm not crazy by trying to succeed in every area of life but I recently realized that that drive is still coming from a wounded place. I can't say my abuse no longer has power over me until I'm no longer making decisions to prove everyone wrong about me being a lost cause but instead without even thinking of them. I hope I can eventually get to that place but it does feel like a discouragingly long road.
Thanks for listening and here's to hoping things get better.
