Search results

I hate slogging through every single freaking day. I didnt choose to exist. I didnt choose to have all this shit happen to me. Why do I have to stay alive day in and day out? Why do I have to put all this work in to be a normal person? It's not like I'm enjoying it. I just dont want to do it...

I hear what you are saying. But growing up with one completely psychotic parent who had literally no grip on reality (he was convinced we were all going to literal lake-of-fire hell any moment now) and one parent who was paranoid and thought everyone was out to get her, I learned from a young...

Thank you @Ronin for laying that out for me. It was painfully difficult to read but having someone else say those things does make it clearer to categorize and name. @Rumors thank you for sharing a bit of your story. It's so frustrating when everything is so unpredictable. Like in some ways...

When you put it that way. But I guess what's missing is that dead and alive are binary categories -you killed em or you didnt. Abuse, and especially neglect, is more of a continuous scale. How many times do you have to forget to pick me up from school, forget to make dinner, forget (refuse) to...

@Ronin, that is a very thoughtful question. I think I actually agree with you in needing to get the truth out. If you read any of my other posts, my family definitely has gaslighted/manipulated me for years about how they treated me. Only recently have I even opened up to the idea that I was...

@Whirlwind I'm really glad my post helped you ♥️ I'm so frustrated for you that someone had that assumption. I know most of the time people dont mean anything by it - but it doesnt change how much it stings. I have had so many experiences to that end. But one particularly that comes to mind...

Thank you for replying. It's so relieving that you dont think I'm just over reacting.

I want to claim the word abuse, like maybe it would be freeing somehow. But i cant justify myself using it. I just cant. I feel guilty and wrong, so many people had it so much worse. CPS came and took some of you away because it was obviously bad. But no one came for me, so it couldn't have been...

@Warrior Chicken I think when I use the phrase "be myself", it is short hand to remind myself that overanalyzing and questioning my every move will only make matters worse. So when I tell myself to "be myself" I am attempting (not always successfully!) to not make judgements about what I say and...

I have absolutely no answers or advice, but this is one of my biggest struggles currently. It can be so lonely when people are missing this gigantic chunk of who I am. Trying my best to be myself and willing to share when the moment presents itself. Interested to hear others thoughts.

A letter to my sister, my mother, and my brother: Do you still love me even though I didnt go through what you did? I know you think my life has been nothing but sunshine and roses compared to what you went through, but it wasnt. Am I not allowed to have feelings? You expect me to just be happy...

Sometimes I seek out confirmation that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one out there with terrible stories to tell. But most days that's not really what I want. Most days I want people to be shocked and disturbed by what happened to me. I want them to think it was extreme, severe...

I was wondering if anyone out there tends to read books about other peoples trauma (such as memiors). I find a lot of them comforting. Then I know someone out there not only made it through it, but are also openly talking about their experiences and I feel like that's super important. On the...

I used to do this all the time as a teen, constantly. People would snap their fingers to get my attention, lightly tease me for "always daydreaming", but I always felt so embarrassed and guilty for what I was dissociating/ thinking about. Honestly for me most of the time it consisted of...

I joined this site, and told my husband that I did. (I'm very bad at discussing my trauma, so this is a big step for me).

I've had problems with this my whole life. As a teen they put me on pills because they thought it was a hormonal problem (Which obviously was not the case). Since I've found a sleep hygiene routine that works for me, I haven't had issues with it. I know it's a different journey for everyone, but...

I don't know if most people do, but it's a regular experience for me. Honestly if it wasn't for the screaming I would probably still be undiagnosed. I knew I had been through trauma but I was very good at ignoring, avoiding, and stuffing my feelings, even during triggers. I genuinely thought I...

Oh my gosh yes to all of this and my goodness its seriously comforting that I'm not alone in this! I've literally had spider hallucinations as well! I wake up screaming, not knowing why, and then I just see them everywhere in my bed and on me. And in the same way, they have nothing to do with...

Hello, I'm new here. I've never joined any kind of online support community, mostly out of fear. I was afraid of someone I know figuring out who I am by my posts. But the more I've poked around this site the more I'm realizing that 1. That's unlikely 2. I have the freedom and safety at this time...