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That's such an odd way your therapist handled that. Sounds like a bad fit and good that you recognize that early in the process.

I am glad that you are out of that situation. And very sorry you had to deal with that. How are you doing?

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have some things to figure out. What can help, is not focusing on the memories or even the lack of memories but exploring how you feel about them. Do they trouble you? if so, why? Where does the embarrassment stem from, and things like that.

I thought I'd update. We had a bit of an email exchange. Got caught up on each others' lives in a general sort of way. She is unavailable though. I am clear I don't want to go back to my last T. Logically, I'm struggling and a T probably would be a good idea. Right now though. I just don't know...

I am so good at hiding my feelings it is scary. My best T even told me once that I didn't give her any cues as to how I was doing so I had to use my words or she wouldn't know when things were bad. I agree with @Friday that people have to earn the right to really see what I am feeling. That...

Yes, I have been thinking about that. It's part of why I mentioned that it's still early in the the grief process. I know that is skewing my perceptions. Definitely worth considering Well, she answered. Some parts inside already feel relieved? It sounds like T may not be available anyway...

I was in therapy for a lot of years. The therapist I did the most work with was really great for me for a lot of years. She was always a bit flakey but it was offset by how good she was and how generous she was. She is the only therapist my parts (I have DID) would come out for. She then had a...

I am also like that. I have DID and also dyslexia/other neuro-divergent stuff that makes me lose track of time and scramble what I am saying. I also feel the compulsion to correct myself though. I once told a therapist my time from was "it just happened"; "recently"; and "a long time ago".

You were a young child. Many children who have not been sexually abused engage in sexual play and exploration with themselves and others. What you did could fall into the range of normal. At worst, you were acting out the abuse as Friday mentions. If that was the case, the fault rests on your...

Oof, that sounds really difficult. How to do you plan to move forward from this? How do you care for yourself?

my first therapist was so so, but one thing he used to say is that life isn't a race. There aren't true finish lines where you are supposed to have things done. Life happens and things don't get done on time. I get the embarrassment, I certainly feel that at times. It's so easy to see the flaws...

you ever walk on a beach or open fields or something. You can walk and walk and walk and looking forward, it doesn't seem like you've made any progress. When you look back though, you can see that you have. You are dealing with a lot. You are moving forward. It's ok to stall on occasion. The...

I have run out of time to reply right now, but intend to come back to this later. I do feel there can be differences in how it impacts you, if it's your father. I know it impacted me greatly.

I am glad that the food is resolved for the short term. That is a start. It also sounds like you came to a good realization about food being a trigger. I hope you can keep things moving forward. I am sorry things are such a slog

I am glad your last session was helpful. I don't have a lot of thoughts but it's a very interesting topic to me. I think, for me, getting at the core of what pulls me towards a certain charming person is key. My paternal grandfather was charming, but he was so openly sexist, racist and abusive...

So, I work in vet medicine and have for years. The last year I've worked in oncology and have seen way too many pets at the end of their life. I've seen so many "normal" people not notice things. Why? Because life is full of stuff and it's easy to miss stuff. Because they didn't want to see what...

This is very understandable. It can be a bit of a trap though. I'll give an example. I had a friend sexually assault me. I can remember all the details. I could decide that if I hadn't acted in a certain way, that could have been interpreted as flirting it wouldn't have happened. My brain just...

I can't speak for the OP, but I certainly didn't mean for you to feel guilty. I don't think you need to. Times were different when my mom smoked. I don't resent her for smoking so much as she didn't acknowledge my issues or if she did, it came with a guilt trip. When I was old enough to tell her...

Yes, this I relate to very much. It's been years since I started therapy. Hard to imagine, now, that I found so many awful things normal. It's sad. That twisted perception is one of the most damaging things

I wouldn't say I hate my mother, but there was a lot of issues and complicated feelings. Her smoking was one of the conflicts. I too had asthma (mine is mild) and struggled and she never stopped and turned it into a personal attack against her, if I complained.

Is it possible for you to seek a different doctor or find a therapist who has experience in trauma?

I miss the pacific northwest so much. I miss summers there. I miss the mountains and waterfalls and the ocean and rain and cool and mist that cleans to the trees and rivers that are crystal clear.

I agree that sometimes soothing and calming is the right way to go. Sometimes though for me, I reached a point of dissociation where it wasn't good. When that first happened I'd end up self-harming. Eventually I developed a whole list of things that would help cope. Things like exercise, music...

I also used all of them. I wasn't good at talking so I definitely did a lot of journaling and emailing.

Sideways said better what I wanted to say. I will tell you, from my experience, confrontation did no good with my mother. It just left me in emotional tangles. I really don't think she had the capacity to respond in ways I would have found healing. Hmm... what do you mean by process your...