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I'm sorry you're going thru that.. In my case, it's not really about his effort, I think he puts forth effort in diff ways..it's more about the anxiety I get when he's not reachable. My desire to interact with him is anxiety driven. Do I really want to talk to him or do I just not want to feel...

Yes, it does. Every relationship is different, what works for some doesn't work for others. The confusion is, am I practicing avoidance when I try to have him call me every day so I don't feel the abandonment depression..? Am I really wanting to talk to him or am I wanting to avoid feeling...

His complaint though is that I bring up an issue every week or two or three weeks. He understands there will be conflict in our relationship but every week or three weeks? So the purpose is to reduce this frequency and only discuss "issues" at a scheduled time for only a certain amount of time.

I have a relationship question but do not wish to create a whole new thread when I already have this one. It sort of relates to abandonment so I'm going to go ahead and ask. As many of you know my boyfriend and I have been having difficulties. I haven't spoken to him all week. We got into a...

I have realized that my support, whether pro or peer, has grown. It is more than I had before, which was just my one elusive therapist. It still has room to grow but just thankful, I hadn't realized this until now. If I keep going, I will get better.

I hate agreeing with my inner critic. I'm still in the stage where the critic has not been tamed to be constructive. But if I am emitting codependent tendencies then it is helpful and not harmful to acknowledge that. There is a feeling of toxic shame that comes after that acknowledgement though...

The problem is finding peer support. The things I went through it's hard for me to trust anyone enough to share my past with. I can share my pain but not the reason behind it. I feel as tho I'm burdening people when I reach out. A lot of people are completely comfortable sharing their...

Thank you. This means a lot. I'm deciding to look at this as an opportunity to find new help and maybe this new help will be more beneficial to my recovery. I've been more emotional lately because I've been allowing myself to cry when I feel the need to and not judge myself for it. Also been...

I've been trying to work with my doctor but she is increasingly harder to see. I've gone a month without seeing her because they were closed for good friday, I couldn't see her before that because the receptionist messed up the schedule. They just called to cancel my appointment this Friday...

The point I was making was that it's not fair to compare yourself to others, especially those who have not had the same experience. I was addressing this question "who wants to be in a relationship with someone that has a history of these issues when there are people that don't have this...

I feel this way right now even tho I'm in a relationship atm. My advice would be to take things very slow. Currently in a feeling-state of hopelessness regarding my own love life but my therapist says people like us do find love, it is a possibility. Our partners are those who accept us...

The attachment theory makes sense. Sort of like a yin-yang set up. I often feel as tho I am the only one keeping this relationship going because if it were left up to him we would hardly ever communicate or see each other. But at the same time, he allows me and makes room for me, he tries to be...

Thank you. I hadn't thought about the potential of this kind of relationship. It does provide plenty of practice quieting the critic and sitting with my emotions/flashbacks. I don't want to be this way. Sometimes I stress myself out, I can be insufferable even to myself, self compassion is...

I suppose you would understand the difficulty my partner and I are facing. I use the term partner loosely because it doesn't feel like he's being very "partner-ish". My fear of abandonement and shame of reaching out to quiet that fear finally bubbled into anger and I didn't want to talk to him...

It's esp hard when I'm flashing back because it feels like the only thing that can make me feel better is interaction, no matter if it's healthy or not which is also a problem.. I know based on past experience I can rely on him in an emergency. This I can tell myself. I have been working on...

Thank you so much for this and understanding how my brain works. It's refreshing when someone else understands and has been thru it themselves. I don't feel as crazy. He would not be open to couples therapy, unfortunately.. When I waited all day for him to call and he did not was a day I did...

I want to vent but have no one to vent to in person. If this is not allowed please delete. I have been working on shrinking my inner and outer critic, inner being the critic of myself and outer being the critic of others. This critic was created by my mother's abuse. Shrinking my critic...

I'm not an expert, but this sounds like you feel as though you cannot protect yourself in the instance someone wants to harm you.

Thank you 😊 your encouraging words are very helpful!

Not jumping to conclusions the other day. Analyzing a thought and dismissed it for lack of evidence. Only went on what I had evidence of. I felt distrusting but sat with it rather than acted on it.

I struggle with shame for decisions I've made in my past. Mainly, if people knew they would think differently of me. What helps me is knowing that the decisions I made were because the abuse that I suffered as a child stunted my development which prevented me from making good decisions for...

Shame is never ok because it is the product of a harsh inner critic devaluing us from something that happened in the past. Guilt is for something we did and can atone for. With PTSD, some of the things we might have done were in the context of abuse and trauma. Neglectful parents can even...

I suffered heinous betrayal and emotional abuse/abandonment by my mother when I was growing up as well as sexual assault and chronic molestation and grooming. Completed cognitive processing therapy but still have a hard time with trust. I finally found an honest guy that shows through his...