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Way to go, I'm so happy for you!!

I'm pretty messed up from before. What is love? I don't even know anymore. Love isn't mean. Love isn't violent or angry. Love doesn't lie, cheat, or betray you. Love doesn't strike fear into you, make you feel unsafe, or keep you up at night because you're afraid to go to sleep. Love shouldn't...

I really like this and can relate to it ScaredofLonely!!

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day today Katz. I wish you luck, and I'll be praying for you. Hang in there and know that you've got friends here that you can vent to! :hug:

Thanks Abstract. At some level I know my feelings are normal, but most of the time I guess I'm irrational and I don't think so. I feel like I'm hiding most of the time. When I'm around other people, I have to appear normal and not let anyone know that something's wrong with me. And that's the...

Welcome, I'm glad you're here. Katz is right, there's a lot of support here and information too.

Thanks for all of the replies and hugs everyone! Intothelight- this describes me exactly! I wish my ex was in jail, but he's not. And he's a retired police officer who did a lot of surveillance during his job. I have the added bonus of not being able to tell people where I live or what city...

Thanks Gizmo!

I feel stupid and embarrassed about what I do to cope with being abused. I'm not like everyone else. I never feel safe, and that makes me feel stupid too. Because I feel stupid about it, I don't feel like I have a right to my feelings. So I think my feelings are stupid. But they aren't. I just...

Awww, you are so welcome! I'm so glad I found this place. Everyone is so helpful here!!

I think most people don't understand our intense fear of a friendship/relationship hurting us, because they have not been through what we've experienced. Yes, everyone has heartache in life, but for us I think it's more than that. I have major trust issues, I'm afraid I'll never be able to be...

Yep, thats it exactly. That's why coming up with some responses ahead of time helped me. I would just spit one of them out and go with it.

I learned when I was with my ex to be quiet, take the abuse, and not respond. Responding, or talking back just made it a 100 times worse. So that was my intial reaction to most people, just don't react, and yeah, walk away. But I've found that if you come up with some generic responses ahead of...

I mentioned in another post earlier that need I sleep with the bathroom light on. I started with night lights, but they weren't enough. It's gotten worse lately, and I can't sleep with my window open either. When it's bad, I'll sleep with the TV on. The voices on the TV make me feel like there...

Way to go!!!!! So proud of you! :happy:

I love this Gizmo!! Well said.

Thank you all!! I sat down one day and wrote this and the words just came instantly. It really spoke to me after I read it later and I think a lot of people can relate to it, no matter what they've been through. I never even realized how bad my situation had become until I got away from it. I...

Me too! I don't trust, so I don't make new friends. But anytime someone is aggressive, I immediately want to get away. It reminds me of my ex and what he did, and he had complete control over me for many years.

From one newbie to another, welcome. You'll find a lot of friendly help here and a lot of info too.

So true! and I love the "old lady act" idea. I'm gonna try it.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. It sounds like it's 24/7 since you live at work. It's hard to cope, and I feel your pain. Can you get some help at the stables, maybe from kids doing after school work? It might give you a break enough so you can get away from all of the people everyday. A...

I'm in the US, and I think society still sees women alone and thinks, 'oh, poor thing. She'll end up old and alone with a bunch of cats to keep her company'. BS!! I'm gonna be out having fun doing stuff!

I'm a domestic violence survivor. I wrote something a while back that I thought I'd share... People write about strength, courage, and bravery, but most know nothing about any of those things. Those of us who have suffered and suffer still, know all about those three qualities. We live them...

I changed my cell number because the anxiety I was having over worrying about my ex calling me was too much. I felt better afterward and I knew it was the right thing to do. I'm just beginning here, so I still avoid a lot of things and I never really thought of this issue of avoidance vs...

Sorry to hear that you went through all of that AS. I agree anniversaries are bad. I know I have two that always get me. I am so glad you were able to work through this one. It's amazing that you have the strength to do that when hit by a panic attack like that. You are super strong, even though...