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So, for many years I was constantly sick and/or injured. Things weren't back-to-back, they were overlapping and piled up 3 and 4 (or more) deep. When I first started seeing my therapist years ago, he assured me that he knew the issues were very real, and they needed proper treatment. He also...

I've got a pretty severe case of pneumonia. High fever, quite hard to breathe, constant coughing, fluid and pus and blood coming up with each cough, intense chest, back, and shoulder pain... basically, everything you'd expect someone to see if they developed pneumonia and ignored it a couple...

SO, there is this person who I care about, that I've known for years. She is kind, compassionate, generous, selfless... I would call her a genuinely *good* person. Her father was, according to her, "an amazing man and father, except for when he wasn't." He committed incest with her, his only...

For me, dissociation means checking out from reality. When it happens, I lose all awareness of the outside world and very shortly thereafter I lose awareness all together. I still interact with the world around me, but once I "come back" I have NO recollection of ANYTHING that has transpired...

So, I've got three meds I've been on for quite a while, that I've been really wanting to get off. My old psych doc insisted that they were necessary, and I do my best to be compliant even when I disagree. My last appointment with her was in June. I saw my new psych for the first time...

My T just called and said he will be at the office tomorrow catching up on paperwork, and he wants to see me. So I see my GP at 930 and my T at 2. And tomorrow night I am staying at the martial arts school since in the past I've slept here when I couldn't sleep anywhere else. Maybe one or...

So my first memory is of the fight that led my mom to take me and leave my dad. I was 3.5, but I remember it crystal clear and always have. I've verified my memory with both parents so I know it is accurate. Second memory? It is of the first time my mom's dad touched my genitals. Third is of...

As I said in a different post, I had a really scary experience a while ago while dissociated. I "left reality" at church on a Sunday morning. I "came back" that evening, with about 450 acetaminophen pills missing. My fear was that I'd taken them. I had a scary trip to the emergency room, and...

So, my T had surgery a few weeks ago, and won't be back in the office for three more weeks. On top of that, my psychiatrist abruptly left the practice at the end of June. My GP has been on vacation for 18 days, and just came back Thursday. I went and saw him, out of desperation, because I...

On my birthday (day after Christmas) I spiked a fever of 103, and developed hives all over. By the next morning, the fever and the hives were both gone. But since then, I've had hives coming and going. They itch terribly, and get fairly swollen. The odd thing is that they are only appearing...

SO I am auditing a psych class right now. We are covering personality disorders. We've been given the DSM5 criteria. We're supposed to take each criteria and make it into a list of questions that the patient can answer, that would screen for each criteria. We can ask more than one question...

SO my therapist asked a couple weeks ago if I'd be willing to answer a series of questions, with the intent of those answers being to help people who are just starting the journey into trauma therapy. I agreed to do it. I shared it with two friends after I wrote it out, and they both said it...

Since April, I have been on Zyprexa (olanzapine) 20mg at night and then 5mg with breakfast and 5 more at lunch. It has been very effective. Trouble is, it's jacked up my metabolism and despite being very careful with my diet and exercise, I've gained significant weight. My P-doc cut the day...

Saturday, my husband and I went to our friends' house and carved pumpkins. We had fun doing it. Yesterday, he dropped me off at their house on the way in to work, and my friends and I handed out candy and balloon sculptures to all the kids out trick-or-treating. It was so much fun. A happy...

Seven days. I've had seven days of the most intense urge to cut that I've had in at least six years. It's also been six years since I last cut. Today I even found myself thinking, "If I just do shallow, short cuts, it will do the job and won't be dangerous." The problem is, shallow short...

So it's been lots of years since I last cut. I'm having too much trouble focusing to remember exactly how many. But tonight, for unknown reasons, I am having the strongest urges I've felt in years. Everything inside me is screaming out to do it. To be honest, I am wishing that when the urges...

So. A few years back, we started noticing the presence of a skunk on our property. He never sprayed and he avoided us for the most part, so we didn't think much of it. Then he set up residence under our porch. And we named him. WHY did we name him? Names denote affection. Who loves stinky...

Okay. I have a standard sized carrier. And a 23 pound cat. Said cat needs to be inside the carrier so I can take him to the vet to have a growth on his nose looked at. I tried for 30 unsuccessful minutes to get him in there before his appointment today. I finally gave up and called and...

I started to self harm when I was five. From that day on, it was very rare for even one day to pass without deliberately hurting myself. But five years, seven months, and thirty days ago, I cut myself for the last time. It has been a struggle at times, but since that day I have not done...

I just got back from my big family vacation to Norway. It was amazing. There are lots of gaps where I dissociated, but also plenty of cool stuff I actually remember. I've got lots of pictures. I injured my foot pretty badly this morning carrying my laundry to the basement. Dislocated a bone...

So despite the fact that I have a badly damaged right leg (the result of many, many abscesses and 23 operations), I was able to focus on the task at hand and pass my test to get my second degree black belt. I'm proud of what I've accomplished. This opens the door to a whole bunch more stuff I...

I saw my Therapist Monday. It went fine. I remember getting home afterward, and then nothing until last night. That's way too much dissociation. Usually, it only lasts a few hours. I don't know what triggered this and I feel okay now. Just "normal" PTSD stuff. Anyway, just curious if...

So I take 20 mg of Zyprexa (olanzapine) every night at bed time, along with 20 mg of Prazosin, 200 mg of Trazodone, and 1 mg Lunesta. I take 5 mg of Zyprexa in the morning to help with the anxiety I wake up with as a result of all the nightmares. I've gained almost 20 pounds in the last three...

I found out Saturday that I am for sure testing for my second degree black belt on May 21st. I am excited, but I am also nervous. I have a lot of preparation to do before then. I know I can do it, but it's going to take hard, consistent work on my part. I am responsible for 27 forms, also...

So after going without sleep so long that I was hallucinating and losing the ability to speak, my psych doc sedated me for a few nights. Then we added in Lunesta (3 mg) for a week, instead of the sedative. That week was the best sleep I'd had in many years. She and I decided to try it nightly...