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We went back to a hard target yesterday. Last time it left me disassociating etc. We took a break and worked on " smaller" targets and that helped. Now we are back on this one and I started off with pretty high stress about it. It's a target I have fragmented memories. I keep trying to put...

So I'm supposed to start taking lexapro to ease anxiety with the wellbutrin I've been taking for a year now. The wellbutrin has helped my depression, energy levels and focus. I really like it and feel it's helped but I need help with my anxiety. I know wellbutrin is sometimes prescribed to...

I had a very hard session yesterday and had to stop it. I could see that T was concerned and sympathized with how I felt. I was disassociating etc. But, part of the reason I had to stop was the level of discomfort I felt being that vulnerable and seeing her reaction. It made me feel so...

I know there are alot of posts about if memories can be trusted etc. Today I went in for an " emergency " session due to a devastating somatic/ body flashback last night. My T decided to do some EMDR with it. Working through , my mind suddenly jumped to something I know happened, but with an...

So my T has been following studies on how adding extra stimulation while doing EMDR is beneficial for some people. So you may use the paddles and tap your feet or count...or tap your arms and say tick toc to the pattern. Or stand and do some sort of rhythmic movement. It's supposed to help you...

My last session left me questioning my therapist. She kept forgetting things and getting my flashbacks mixed up. Considering how fragmented thigs are i guess i can understand that. I have to remind her what we use for EMDR ( I don't use the lightbar) and I was starting to disassociate and she...

Me again..sorry this is a bit long. Last night I has the worst episode of disassociatian I've ever had. It started with a trigger that brought images and body memories out of no where. Totally new. I was taken by total surprise and shock. I got into the shower because I've found feeling the...

So, sometimes I have flashbacks during sex and I'm gone. I'm in the flashback. I know it. My husband will ask if I'm okay or want to stop and I won't answer because I feel I deserve what's happening to me and i almost dont want to stop even though its horrible( the CSA.. not the present sex)...

I'm starting to realize I don't trust myself at all when it comes to how I view the past. I don't trust my choices. I don't trust my memories. I don't trust my opinions. Nothing. Someone asked me if I was maybe gaslighted growing up so I cant see it. Made me think! Over the years when ever...

So I'm finding since starting EMDR that I feel pretty good the rest of the day after therapy. New Insights and clarity...some peace. And then the next day all the stuff we worked on is in the front of my mind and it's horrible and I doubt everything we worked on. The " memories" we focused on...

As memories are surfacing, I'm struggling to accept them. But more so, I'm struggling to accept who it was that did these things. I have unclear pictures and different situations. But, things slowly seem to be coming forward and its scary. My flashbacks have my father in them.EMDR is taking me...

I'm in the midst of body memories and flashbacks. Unsure of them and who did it. That said..I was remembering my neighbor from the time when this abuse would have occurred. I was 6 but I remember his name clearly. I sometimes would go over and talk to him and try to help him. I vaguely feel like...

I've struggled with intense depression episodes, emotional disregulation, and just a ton of things that I never knew had a name until now. I always went through the episodes and then shoved them down until the next episode. I knew I had some COCSA in my past and was very sexual at a young age. I...