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I am so overwhelmed by this saga I struggle to even touch it with words. Language is my frame in all things, but capturing these events is like trying to snap a photo of a pyramid made entirely of 30ft tall cards that tumble in perpetuity as I stand directly at its base, my lens unable to...

Yeah, so, the title. I don’t think I shared it here, but we were never legally married. I was pretty into the idea until sometime last Spring, about 6 months after the ceremony. I became sort of passively ambivalent. Then the summer came, and it went from the back burner to “let’s never discuss...

Those of you who know me are probably thinking that if I got arrested, I was being self-destructive. Plenty of you have watched me flirt with alcoholism and invest earnestly in other addictions carrying far worse legal implications. But no. As is the trend in my life, I tend to get caught doing...

I’m still processing this in little jolts of terror and elation. It’s like trying to look at the sun. I can’t stare at it directly. But I f*cking did it, so I thought I would share. Approximately 10 weeks ago, in the midst of my life just taking a massive dump on me in what felt like...

I’ve been stuck on this f*cking mountain for a full month. I left for one day to crush an interview and drink my body weight in assorted liquor I wasn’t paying for. I did good, though. Only had drinks bought by girls. Looked alive. Didn’t leave my or their drinks alone. So I’ve been joking that...

I have spent so many years absolving my father so that he was charged only with the crime of absence and ignorance. “No, no, no more, son of a bitch... No more happy face.” He f*cking saw it happening. He saw it. All those years of abuse? All those abusers. The years when my mother...

My father decided, somehow, maybe three years ago or more that he “wanted a relationship” with me, which was, to me, abrupt and which he pursued with sudden... aggression is my word. Zeal, maybe. It was something I knew I could not give him. Something I had already long wrestled with and fairly...

Because this shit always seems to happen to me, I’m stuck trying to decide whether it’s my fault, as usual. The last time I was seriously assaulted, I didn’t even think anything of it. The only reason it glares in my memory is because my best friend was also assaulted. He got us both. Her...

I feel like this is not a surprise, but it is an accomplishment. Right before the wedding I bought a two-seater car. A car I can’t pack my whole life into and leave. Somehow that actually felt bigger. But yeah, it’s Mrs. Simon, MA, which I guess won’t be a thing as much when it’s Dr. Simon...

I’ve tried not to be super loud about my drug use here, but I also haven’t tried to hide it. When I finally caved in grad school and went to a P (the first time I did this was in college, but it f*cked me up worse), I hadn’t yet realized that my symptoms weren’t just through the roof due to...

This should probably maybe be in my diary, but I don’t know. I feel too rudderless to dump it there. But I don’t have the energy to write it in its totality, so I suppose this is part one. I’ve always been a person of extremes, I’m told. My writing doesn’t seem to land anywhere between short and...

I could have added “survivors” to the title, but I personally don’t love the term, so instead of getting even more paralyzed by deciding between survivors or victims, I’ll let y’all (yes, I’ve officially been in the South long enough to incorporate the phrase) fill in the blank. Anyway, okay...

After a series of tumultuous life transitions and my major never-before-seen level breakdown in the summer, I've finally mostly stabilized. My mental health has improved phenomenally; I've probably cut back 30% on my meds after nearly doubling them for a few months. But there's still several...

Things aren't exactly going so well in Simonland. Nothing superficial is really the matter. I mean, my job kinda sucks, but that's never really bothered me too badly before. I've had a lot of shitty jobs. Mostly my zeppelin turned to lead because I let my parents visit for the first time in 8...

I’m rapidly reorganizing my thinking and approaches at my new job working with adolescents with eating disorders in an inpatient/group home setting. It’s been pretty nonstop until today, as the organization is struggling to retain and regroup staff following major structural changes, and I was...

... is maybe killing me? Maybe it’s helping me, which sometimes feels like I’m dying? I’m on the fence by the hour. Something really bad happened my first day off. The whole day was a shitshow from the start. But speaking of starting, I’m going to start from the beginning. I don’t even...

For those who don’t know, my primary—but far from singular—abuser and trauma was being sexually and otherwise abused by my elder brother of 6 years when I was between around the ages of 3-6 years old. It was regular and persistent, and his emotionally abusive grasp on me lasted well after my...

Nbd. -Simon, MA

Sometime in early Spring (March?), I began seeing a psychiatrist. A lot of people think my P is evil, a mad scientist, a quirky intellectual with a bloated god complex, or a miracle worker who lacks basic social skills. He’s extremely infamous in my work community, hence the cocktail of strong...

This is it. I’m in f*cking PTSD hell. The last time I posted, I had taken a DIY approach to @joeylittle ‘s suggestion to try Seroquel instead of trazedone (which was giving me terrible vivid nightmares). Seroquel was an answered prayer. My P called in a script. Things were good. Except I had...

My boyfriend, J, has never seen me depressed or symptomatic outside of situational stress ever since I first leveled out in our relationship last summer. Even then, I wasn’t depressed, just super dissociative and anxious. Look, I know other people can’t “fix” me. But this man really taught me...

So, not clear on how to give this a prefix, maybe because I’m on mobile? But this is an ED thread. Anyway, I clicked on this forum to open my own ED thread, but I saw I was in such robust company just on the first page of this forum I decided to take a slightly different tact and invite others...

Well, the circle is complete. I probably disappeared from here early this year, during my last semester of graduate school. My cycle has been to resurface 2-4 weeks after a semester is over, stay till 6 weeks into the semester, then bob in and out of the forum until the final 4 weeks or so when...

For about 3-4 years now, I've been struggling with compulsively talking to myself--yes, out f*cking loud--in this fashion: "You should kill yourself." "You're so f*cking stupid." "I hate you." "You should go die." &c To combat that, I argue back. Yes. Out f*cking loud. "You should kill--no, I...

I feel I am on the precipice of releasing this enormous, weighty burden. I had really, really long hair growing up. I remember seeing my sister's long hair when I was very small and feeling envious of it, wanting to mimic it. I went beyond imitation. My hair fell halfway past my ass by the time...